My Expensive Hobbies

I want to be able to sew my quilts together myself. there I said it.

I want to be able to have a serger. This one is cheap at but I really want the on from pfaff I saw for 2,000.00 blah.

beautiful. I always need loads of threads and the joann by my house doesn't even carry 100% cotton thread.

I try to make things every day. but sometimes I have ideas that I don't actually have the things for. I borrowed Sara's cricut for a while and now that I returned it my heart is breaking. I want to cut out about 75 butterflies in bright colors SO BAD! it kills me. also I want to make a quilt but I don't have a machine quilter. I guess I could try to quilt it together on my machine but that isn't the best idea ever. I dream of owning one of those giant quilting machines.

Did I mention that this month I'm trying to make at least one thing a day? well I am. You should too. you could make food or sew something or finish one scrapbook page a day or whatever floats your boat. Check out my post HERE
my etsy shop blog needs more comments. I wanted to thank my fantastic sisters in law who comment on it. smiles.


Dear Danielle

Dear Danielle,
I know we have had this conversation before, but when I tell you that you are complaining and you say you are just talking I think you actually know what I mean. And when you constantly ask for things over and over and over again it makes me crazy. lock myself in a room crazy. Or maybe just take up jogging again crazy.
I want to have a discussion about your sandbox. You really should cover it up.
Also when the water is super disgusting you shouldn't be so happy to play in the wet sand.
I am really glad that you like to be clean. It seems like every time you go outside you come back in wanting to shower. I have never been so glad about a purchase as I am about the fishy shower head you picked out at home depot a while back. I really didn't think it would be cool and when you caught me trying to ditch it in a later aisle I wanted to roll my eyes, but I was TOTALLY wrong.
I'm glad you take showers so well.

Also part of me was a little relieved that I can use that sand for some of the landscaping we are planning to do because now I got to go back and get that pink sand I found shortly after we bought the boring sand.
I feel like you are living all my childhood dreams. and I won't count on you to cover the box this time.
love, mom



Danielle tells me she really likes sunflowers. I got some for her today. our kitchen is such a happy place when the counter is cleared off. I think there is something about having a clean countertop and kitchen table that makes me feel like my whole house is clean.



One of my favorite childhood memories is playing superman with my dad. he would pick us up and spin us around- flying around the house like superman. I still remember getting to big to do it and being very sad. There is something wonderful about being superman. This does not mean I like roller coasters- I hate roller coasters.
Mark also likes to fly through the air with his daddy.

Mark is a little bit wild- he likes it when we growl at him. I am super pleased with the schedule he has had for the past week. He goes to bed around 9:00 P.M. then he wakes up between 6 and 7 and eats, then he goes right back to bed. He finally wakes up around 10:00 for the day. I guess this could have some negative implications for our church attendance but I guess I could just wake him up. HOW WONDERFUL IS IT TO HAVE A BABY SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT? After ten short months Mark got the hang of it- on the day he turned 10 months old exactly. cross your fingers for us that it is permanent.

During the kitchen remodel we realized what our next furniture purchase could be. But I want a couch that isn't sunken in on one side. In case we have never spoken you should know I want a lot of things.
I guess super glue joints don't last forever. All I can say is Thank Goodness for tablecloths because our table is hideous. The chairs are breaking, the finish is gone and there are a few gouges, beside the removable leg. But we also have children so I've heard this is the fate of all of our furniture. Don't even get me started about the coffee table that used to have finish on it or the couch that has had all sorts of unmentionable things spilled on it. I want a car with leather seats so I can wipe all the water/juice off. So add up the total amount of things I want and divide it by our bank account and you get? No furniture, thank you very much.
What I get is our carpet shampoo machine that has an upholstery attachment and the tablecloths my mom bought me a long time ago. And some screws for that leg...


Dear Postal Carrier

Dear Postal Carrier,
I thought I would write you a quick note and say that this time I am not planning to deliver the letters you sent to the wrong address. I don't actually want Joan's Macy's bill but it is nice to know that she has a Macy's card. I noticed there is a large stack of mail that has been delivered to the wrong address- my address. Not just one person's mail either.
This is quite different from the time we got some Christmas nuts which were meant for the people who used to live here. They weren't even good nuts- Brazil nuts and some other unsavory nuts and they were all unsalted. Does anyone like unsalted nuts? Either way those weren't delivered usps.
I am just a little frustrated that you continually give us our neighbors mail. I question the security involved in that. Now do I have to bother to figure out which mail is real. I don't usually send the junk mail postcards back when they are delivered to the wrong address, but I'm pretty sure I should send the water bill back. What a waste of time- today I am going in to the post office to return all the mail that has come for other people.
Another thing- when an envelope says "photos, do not bed," that also means DO NOT PUT A RUBBER BAND AROUND THE MIDDLE THAT WILL CUT INTO THE ENVELOPE AND DESTROY THE PHOTOS. Can I complain about that? I am seriously quite annoyed. My photos are not only bent, last time they were torn. Do you think the post office would pay me back if I went in and complained?
I don't want you to lose your job I just want you to stop destroying my mail. I am sick of you being so completely incompetent. I know I am not paying millions of dollars to have my one package delivered but I don't fully understand why your organization can't work correctly. You are heavily subsidized but I still really needed those forever stamps I bought a while back. and shipping charges at the post office are so inconsistent- make up your mind about why an irregular sized envelope is. and stop acting like I want to mail things express or they will never get there.
although now that I look in my mailbox I'm starting to suspect they might actually never get there.
Here's to hoping all the people I mail things to have honest neighbors. That don't wait as long as I do to return the wrong address mail.


What I did this weekend.

This weekend I really wanted to do the floor. Then we had a wedding to go to.
It was absolutely beautiful. I love weddings.
I stayed up until 4:00 a.m. Sunday morning.
do you like the new floor? I still need to do some finish work around the edges.
I wonder what we will do next weekend.
Also a few notes: Mike the picture comment was not about you but thanks for forgiving me for losing your template.
Claire and Kathryn: I would love to come tile your backsplash.
I have to order some fabric online to make new drapes for the kitchen now.


Sunday Thoughts

Just so you know there is a wrong way a correct way to mix up your hot chocolate. You might think this doesn't really matter since it is blazing hot outside. But it does. It matters so much that I am revealing to Brooke that I cheated on her with another potter. You see I bought this mug from Vegan Dish. I can't help it. It is PINK, for crying out loud! Who doesn't want a mug that says "vegan" on it and is pink. Every holiday where we are supposed to get presents I want to send one of these to Karen and TJ. TJ is actually Vegan which I wish I was cool enough to be. I started weight watchers and red meat is a lot of points so I stopped eating it and one week later started to get the mysterious bruising on my legs.
Oops. Guess I will start taking iron supplements or something. I think I actually meant to give this mug to Karen and then got a letter sent back to me from her address and just waited and kept the mug. I plan to call her and get her address again. Still really behind on birthdays this year... Just Karen and Peter and Kathryn and all their kids and TJ and several other people behind though, so no big deal. I did finally get my mother in law that birthday present yesterday. Her birthday was last month.
Anyway this weekend I took a break and ate hamburgers two days (heavenly) which I normally don't eat at all. I don't really deserve to use my vegan mug. When Erik visited he used it and I almost asked him not to but wouldn't that be rude to tell your guest that they can't use your very special mug?
Maybe I need another mug. Make that two mugs- one for Karen and one for me.

The correct way to make hot chocolate: Microwave water for 1 minute and 15 seconds.
THEN put the powder on top.
NEVER put the powder in the cup before the water- there is nothing more disgusting than this.
I like to fill my big mug up and use 1.5 chocolate packets. Today I accidentally used two.
no good.
I ate it anyway. I love the Marshmallow Lovers packets. I wait until the hot chocolate isn't scalding anymore and mix them in. I love how the marshmallows are in a separate packet so they don't just melt as soon as you put the mix in the water.
Once John made me hot chocolate and he put the powder in the bottom and there were those disgusting little packets of hot chocolate mix that weren't mixed in all the way- it is harder to get all the chocolate if it is on the bottom.
It was nice of him to make me hot chocolate though. I guess.


John and Janae Marriage Excellence: Promises

One of the most valuable things in my marriage has been the Meyers Briggs Test. My brother in law Pete would probably scoff at this but his favorite test says I have very low agreeableness so I don't care. You see John is a P and I am a J. What does this mean? I will tell you what it means- it means that we fight.
Well we don't like to fight but this small difference has lead to marital strife. You see I like to talk about things and think we have a plan. John likes to talk about possibilities. He throws out ideas but doesn't feel tied down to a schedule.
This has lead to a lot of broken promises, I've got to tell you. Like the promise that he would hang up the shelf in the garage. Or the promise that he would use the dremel to file the dogs nails. no wait, that is a different topic- Times I was right. (see the future post on predicting failure: if you do it enough you will be right eventually) Anyway I would think we had a plan and he wouldn't. John volunteered to do all sorts of improvement and household tasks.
and I waited for them to get done.
and waited.
and nagged.
until finally one day I realized John had no idea he had promised to do them at all. This happened while we were talking about our plans.

one thing that will make you feel stupid is getting your feelings hurt and your spouse being totally shocked that you didn't tell them a few months later. Or years later, in my parent's case.
realizing that John wasn't intending to promise these things didn't actually make it better- the real resolution and the real marital plan: the day John asked me exactly what I wanted him to do. Most of the time this is a really annoying habit- but this time it was different- I realized that John couldn't possibly make it to his final and get the dog groomed and do the dishes and take Danielle to the park and clean the basement and call the insurance company and go the gym and take me on a date like he had "promised" for that day.
From then on John wanted an itemized list. I am thrilled that he is finally on board with the lists solving every life problem- but that is not what will propel your marriage into excellence.
The magic comes from the list I made. John told me he only had so many hours in the day. your spouse also only has so many hours. Write them down.
now write down all the things they have to do- 8 hours of work and a little time for eating.
Now write down the "promises" your spouse has made. Basically take out a day planner and write "my dream spouse" at the top. Then write what your dream spouse would do all day. Some of you will be so hopelessly out of touch with household tasks that this will be difficult. Go clean a bathroom- then you will know how much time to block out for your spouse to clean a bathroom. Add about 10 minutes every hour for "transition" time. This can include driving from one place to another or going to the bathroom or taking a break. It is said that after an hour the brain needs a break from learning. My friend always wants her husband to work out so she should write it in the schedule. schedule everything.
What would your ideal spouse do? Mine would send me something in the mail, vacuum (or PUT LAUNDRY AWAY), work out, do the dishes, make love, take Danielle to a class, and do something in the yard. and of course all that other studying stuff you have to do in school. Or work, as the case may be.
According to the rough schedule I came up with the first time, my ideal husband actually doesn't sleep. I've always thought that sleeping was a waste of energy, and my schedule confirmed it.

Scheduling promises can help you realize a few things.
1. it seems like everyone lies about what they will do in their marriage.
2. if you really want something done you have to write it down.
3. my non sleeping spouse would be awesome.
4. If you never manage to do any of the things on your spouse's list, you probably suck. Marital excellence is based on people who want to be good at this- and that means work, idiot.

now that you have your idea spouse, prioritize them. it's really helped me to prioritize what John can do.

but I'm still writing it all in my "promises" notebook, even if it is impossible.


Tales from the Toy Bin

One of the best toys a girl can have is a dog. The other day Danielle and I washed Austin the dog and she learned a valuable lesson: do not terrorize the dog with the hose. Even if you think it is awesome to get chased by water around the yard, Austin might not think so. Then we bathed him and Danielle was quite the helper. She took the hose on other adventures while I cleaned out the dogs ears but I was glad that I had a dog. Two of Danielle's favorite things came together; The hose and the dog.
I have seen baby Mark cuddle with Austin and pull out clumps of his fur. I have also seen him try to poke out Austin's eye but I stopped that. I remember Danielle taking oreo cookie tops out of Austin's mouth when she was little.
I always wanted a dog when I was little. That dream is probably why we have a dog now. In addition to having allergies one of the reasons we found Taylor a new home is that she didn't seem to like the kids. I've never let my kids be alone with the dog even though I don't think anything would ever happen. You always hear stories about some poor child losing their toes because the parents thought that though. A dog is a wonderful thing for kids to have. Not sure if it's worth the work, but maybe that's just the memory of cleaning out his ears.


Dear Engineers

Dear Engineer Friend,
I like to think of engineers as a great religion of devout worshipers. What do you all worship: The mystical tape measure of power. Only you truly understand its ways and only you can fully harness its power. Even if you are not actually working building robots or bridges I can see it in your eyes, your faith. You are the power by which I can press a button and idle away the hours with spider solitaire, a Shaman of ingenuity. I know a few people who are engineers by profession and a few who are engineers deep in their souls. Both groups: you might not know who you are, but your loved ones do.
I want you to know that the way you see the world is unique and probably difficult to explain to someone like me. I am amazed at the precision with which you do everything in your life. Yes I cannot imagine how wonderfully perfect all of the photos are in your house. That is the three which you have been able to hang.
Like when you wanted to bake cookies. You needed to see all of the measuring cups I owned and line them up on the counter. After that came every bowl in order to find the perfect mix. Then the recipe was translated into an easy to understand flow chart. Each ingredient got a helpful code and the equation was prepared. I have never seen someone examine all the knives in my drawer to find the best one to level the flour. I am just really grateful that that 3a and 3b didn’t get switched, because that would have been WAY too much baking soda. Have you ever done that? Probably not. Next time I don’t want to wash all of my measuring cups- just the ones that we actually use.
Also thanks engineer friend for that template you made me. When you asked if you could help and then had me get rulers, paper, pencils and other basics so you could trace all the draws and find the absolute middle I was glad. That would have helped me avoid just putting the new drawer pulls in the same place the old ones had been. Except it didn't really work out that way.
I lost the template. I am so sorry. I was super scared that you would notice how some of the drawer pulls are slightly off center, which you discovered when you measured the drawers. Thanks for not mentioning it when you visited.
Oh Engineers, I love watching you, and predicting how you don't want anyone else to hang photos in your house. You really do a better job than I do- I have this mirror on my wall that drives me crazy every time I look at it but I can't bring myself to fix the nails because that would take too long.
Not all of us have the virtue of patience like you do.
Thanks again for the little you do so perfectly.


What I did this weekend.

Every time John goes out of town I try to do a project. I tiled the backsplash this weekend. Then I realized the drapes didn't match so I made new ones. If you look at the picture you can see my next project: the horrible floor. We replaced the oven hood Monday.
I am so happy that I own a tile saw. I want to tile my whole house now.
and make a wall in the basement.
maybe next weekend.


Cloth Diapering Thoughts

So we've been doing cloth diapers for a while now. I always want Mark's diaper to match his outfit. I like how they have solid colors so you don't have some stupid little animal or character on them showing through their clothing and making it look dirty.

Sold all the G diapers online. I feel like they are everything wrong with a disposable combined with everything wrong with a cloth diaper. The cloth inserts are a little too small for him so he frequently had leaks. ALSO they have snap in liners and I just about lost it when one of the snaps RIPPED OUT of the diaper. I repaired it right away but listed them for sale on ebay that day.
One of my favorite things about cloth diapers is that Mark doesn't have as many blow outs- he would have one EVERY DAY when wearing disposables. I don't know how he does it- maybe he has the rocket poos (like his sister who one day pooed on the wall from across the room- I asked the pediatrician and she explained it but it's gross) ANYWAY G Diapers do not have the blow out avoidance that other diapers do. BUT if you are going to get flushable inserts the Gdiapers insert is the way to go- they are bigger than other options and break up better. Seriously using a swish stick to break up diapers is one of the grossest things ever. Also gross? using a diaper sprayer to spray poo off of diapers.
I have never gone through so much soap. and I love some of the new bath and body works flavors.
LOVE: Rumparooz G2 Snap Diapers. I only have two and it makes me so sad. I want more of them. they have a double gusset so they hold a lot and they are easier to clean because the mess doesn't get on the outside layer of the diaper. they are a pocket diaper which I actually really like and they come in great colors.
Also Love: FuzziBunz Perfect Size Diapers. I feel like "one size fits all" diapers a a little bit of a myth. Mark is in the Medium of the FuzziBunz diapers. They are one of the first cloth diaper companies. I LOVE SNAPS. Snaps are the best because the velcro really tears things up in the wash- it has to be pretty strong. It is also easier for children to get off later- so you might find your toddler running around with no diaper. Fuzzibunz also has a pocket at the very back of the diaper so you don't have to reach into what I call the "poo zone" to pull out the insert which is very desirable.
and Lastly: Flip Diapers. Thirsties are like these but I have more flip diapers- they are like a cover and you just lay the cotton insert on them. the shell is REUSABLE so there isn't as much laundry. I combine these with the Gdiapers inserts for a peaceful cloth diaper experience at church. The Thirsties have the double leg thing so they would probably also be good.

confusing design: Bottom Bumpers- a huge disappointment for me. I guess I expected an "all in one diaper" to have only one piece, not a snap in liner.
cheap seeming: econobum is like a less sturdy version of the flip diaper- but that could work for some people.
ok but I don't like velcro: Bumgenius 3.0 (which should be on clearance everywhere because they are discontinued so maybe the cheap cost would make them more appealing)

Those are my strong feelings so far. When I got a sinus infection I switched back to disposables for a couple days because it really is more work. people who tell you otherwise are probably not cleaning their diapers properly.
Mark never gets diaper rashes though, which is shocking and wonderful. Why didn't I do this when my doctor recommended it the first time for Danielle? It may be more work but it is WAY easier than it was to leave her free range for a few weeks so her terrible diaper rash and sores could heal. Also she seems to always pee out of the toilet. I thought you only had to worry about aim with boys. It happens mostly at church. I think the split in the seat cover confuses her.
and it totally grosses me out.


Tales from the Toy Bin

Today our toy bin got some new additions: The water bottles. I told Danielle we had to pick up the front room because I was losing it over my house. So all the toys she wanted to keep went into the toy bins/ottomans. Storage Ottomans are the best thing that ever happened to children's toys in my opinion. She kept all the water bottles.
And she gets to keep her "boat." Danielle loves boats and floating around the sea that is the downstairs. I got her a new boat from the basement. She and baby Mark sat in it for about 15 minutes and played with water bottles.

Another favorite toy- the fishing pole. Danielle has chores like picking up her toys and cleaning her room. Also being good on trips with mom. She gets some money for her chores which she stores mostly in various socks in her room. I try to hide it but that girl really thinks money goes in a sock. Maybe someday she will be a good saver. So a little while ago we went next door with some of her hard earned money and bought some toys at the neighbors yard sale. we had a 7 dollar budget and came home with a playhouse, ponies, and a fishing pole.
I bought her ponies out of my own pocket. The fishing pole was really the only thing she wanted and it cost 50 cents. Every day Danielle and Mark go fishing. The little plastic fish go to the store with us sometimes.

The last best toy ever is probably the stick. The stick is closely related to the rock but is more exciting and possibly more dangerous. The stick can be a magic wand or anything you want it to be. Austin the dog understands the importance of the stick and Danielle loves to play fetch with that dog.


Dear Doctor

Dear Doctor,

I am so glad that you had time to fit me in to your schedule today. You can imagine my shock when you had no idea I was taking a drug you prescribed. I remember back when you asked someone if their stomach pain could be from pregnancy after looking at their abdomen with an ultrasound. I guess you can never be too sure.

I want to introduce you to a little thing I like to call a clock. When the short hand is at the nine that stands for nine o clock. Most clocks need to have a reference point- they should match other clocks in the world or at least the area. If you have an appointment for nine, for example, you should be to work at nine. You should also try to avoid having more than one meeting at the same time. When I arrive for my appointment at 11:00 that does not actually mean seeing you by 1:40 was my ultimate goal.

Another thing you might want to know about is math. Let’s say you have 60 minutes and 10 patients scheduled during that time. How long can you spend with each patient? 45 minutes was actually the wrong answer.

You should know that you office staff is probably the nastiest bunch of beasties in the world. Have you ever read your own online reviews? I don’t want to make you feel bad because people like you, but getting one star out of five for your office staff usually means they aren’t very good. I have never met a more horrible group of women. Your personality is so pleasant it almost makes up for them. However, that one nurse practitioner who doesn’t know that two year olds should get flu shots doesn’t so much make up for the wait.

You should know that the chairs in your waiting room look stained and the faucet in the bathroom leaks.

Please stop telling me you will do things for me, like following up or referring my baby to an eye specialist. Just tell me you have nothing for me and I can take a flying leap. Thanks for telling me to come in to your office to pick up some samples when you didn’t actually have any. I am glad you told your office staff to expect me so they wouldn’t treat me like I was hallucinating when I arrived.

The last thing I wanted to tell you is that a little piece of my heart goes out to you when I read your letter about the shortage of doctors in the area. I am so grateful that I have medical care and can even get an appointment.

There is a spelling error in the letter. It won’t stop yelling at me.



Birthdays and Presents

image from Raceytay on etsy. BEAUTIFUL. She is having a Buy One Get One Free sale right now.

I love birthdays. I love presents. There are so many great things about the two of them.
but I don't apparently love getting people presents on time. I have a list on my fridge of all of my in laws that have had birthdays this year. If you are crossed out we got you a present. Not many names are crossed out. They usually get together every summer and have a huge group birthday party but not this summer and I just haven't recovered. Plus the last card I send Karen came back to me so I keep meaning to call her and ask for her address. I keep failing. She is one of the hardest people to get a present for. Because she always gets thoughtful presents but doesn't seem to really care about presents.
I don't think I've ever managed to get my mother in law a present even in the same month as her birthday.
I don't know if my present problems this year is from having two children and being completely overwhelmed with that or trying to get a more firm grasp on budgeting or just that I am out of ideas.
But If I could get anything it would be a barbecue. I'm always still accepting birthday presents since I am so bad at giving them. And birth presents.
There is something beautiful about presents. I love when you find something and then you just know that someone will love it. I think of how people will react to things that I picked for them.
Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it is a fail.

Things I have learned.
1. The people who are the most picky are the people who say they don't care.
2. Presents that are off birthday or surprise presents seem more popular.
3. Table cloths seem like such a luxury item- my mom used to get them for me and now I love having them but wouldn't really buy them for myself. They are just nice to use and wash. All those kitchen items that my mom got me turned out to be really useful.
4. Claire and I don't have the same taste in presents. When I try to think of what to get her I think- how can I save Claire money. One of my strongest present memories was my mom giving Claire a ream of paper. I think Claire cried. She shared that paper.
5. I like to get people things that remind me of them, or things that I know they would like but they wouldn't get themselves. I always wish I had more money to spend on other people.
6. I hoard gift cards. Someone sent me a gift card to home depot and it hurt to give it away. There were so many options on what I wanted to get. I love having extra gift cards lying around.
7. I always buy people a card to go with their present but rarely give them. I have this really cute sock monkey card for Rachelle's birthday two years ago. Maybe someday she will get it, maybe not.
8. Always keep a stock of back up presents- people are thrilled when you give them a little something. I like to keep lotions and other presents.
9. Even though people say they don't care, usually they do. Friends get friends presents. To me that is one of the best parts about having a friend.
10. Presents = Love. I love the thought of people looking at something and remembering me. and sending it to me in the mail! Nothing is better than getting a present in the mail.

please forgive my scatterbrained-ness. I swear I will get all these presents mailed one of these days...


Sunday Thoughts: Family Vacations

Simply Blueberries print from Raceytay on Etsy you could go pick blueberries as a family.
Then have a blueberry crumble making contest.

Once I went to a timeshare presentation. They were calculating the cost of different vacations and "showing" how expensive big cities are. As the middle aged father leaned over his desk and said, you don't want a crazy vacation every year. You don't want to go non stop and see things, you want to spend quality time with your family. Talk to each other. Catch up and be away from the hustle and bustle of life.
His vision of a perfect vacation was my idea of the hugest waste of time ever. Why not combine my desire to see great works of art with quality family time?

My favorite vacation activities: projects and shopping. Maybe both.
Also Eating Out for just about every meal: ideal. What says family more than food?
So the Madsen's have a family camp each year which actually involves no camping (thankfully) and have had heated debate about how it should be run. As heated as debate can get in a family where no conflict is acknowledged.
My ideas for family camp are fantastic and I don't know why we can't do them. I will fight for them, and I don't care who gets more votes because they have more children.

Family Reunion Survivor.
We would start at the individual immunity round and have physical challenges and vote people out. It could be at Erik's house and with all the saved money the winner would get 3000.00 dollars.
In Law Bake Off
We all make five different baked goods- categories cookies, pies, bread, your choice and casserole.
crock pots would be banned, because they are disgusting.

Family Child Olympics
You think you are good at running? Try running carrying a child. I am excited for the parallel bar event.

Disneyworld in Paris.
I love Disney and I love Europe. Why can't we combine the two?

Family Feeling Share.
We all sit down with a mediator and discuss, maybe the divorce. Both Parents come. That would be sweet. We could get to the bottom of some claims. Also discuss graduation presents. I might plant that question. Who doesn't love group therapy?

Family Camp Biggest Loser
I think I could totally win this- can we have family camp at that Biggest Loser Resort in St. George? That is the vacation I am the most interested in.

I don't know why they don't love my plans. Boo on voting and boo on resorts where you don't go to plays and shopping and crazy events.
Just get me to a big city with a Macy's and we'll be set.


Dear Friend,

Dear Future Parent,
I want to congratulate you on your soon to be delivered/upcoming/will happen one day child. I am really excited for all your parenting ideas. I am sure that your child will grow up and be just fantastic. Please do help me understand how to teach my child personal space. I don't know why I never thought of that. And help me stay strong in the battle to get my child to eat vegetables and never refuse any food.
Thanks for imparting your wisdom about the diapering of my child, I don't know why I hadn't considered the correct way to do that. To be honest with you I credit the potty training of my first child to someone else so you can imagine that I am a complete idiot and need to hear all about how your child will be potty trained much earlier than my actual child.
It's like predicting a win in a game you aren't actually playing.
I am pretty sure that you are teaching your daughter a valuable lesson in preventing her from wearing pink from birth. I will be sure to avoid getting you any pink presents. I totally agree that I am risking reinforcing dangerous gender stereotypes.
I am also eternally grateful to you sharing studies about how letting your child cry it out will make them a serial killer. Also, it meant a lot to hear that especially male children needed to be breastfed all Freud's dire claims would be realized. Thanks for offering to watch my daughter and teach her a little discipline. Maybe in the meantime I could clean my house which you predicted would never be perfectly clean. Or I could spend some time preparing the lessons since Danielle should be reading and writing by now.
Mark still isn't potty trained even though he is a whopping 9 months old. Also, I am excited that you are never going to let your child watch any television. The funny thing is that I really do want my house to be dirty and that's why I don't limit eating to the kitchen.
You can imagine how stupid I felt after 7 months of my child not sleeping through the night to realize that I just had to read baby wise and put him on a schedule. If only I had tried anything at all instead of just yelling at the child and flashing bright lights in his eyes.
I am so excited for you to finally pop that child out/have a baby someday if you ever feel like it. I am glad that you wish you could be as irresponsible and carefree as I am, letting myself get pregnant accidentally. If only you could be as lax about discipline with your hypothetical children.
All the best, and I truly hope you can have just as much joy in labor and postpartum bliss as I have experienced. With your help, hopefully I can become as good as you are going to be.

p.s. yes that is food on my child's cheek in the photo. I don't know why I didn't just photoshop that out. Or maybe photoshop in a photo where mark is looking at the camera.


My back yard

My back yard has a fence. I love it. Today we played fetch with our dog. gasp. Like a real family. I weeded my garden.
realized I had been pulling up flowers quite religiously. thank you very much. It was nice outside. I got a new baby nephew.
Henry Boyd Madsen. He weighes 8 lbs. 9 oz. and is 19.5 inches tall.
darling. I love babies.
I am feeling better.