My Spot

So, like everyone else in the world I hate it when people reveal they are idiots when they park. Like putting their tiny little coupe in two spots and it isn't even one of those really nice cars where you can tell they just didn't want the commoners to ding their super fancy car. When I had foot surgery several years ago I realized just how many people think the handicapped parking is in fact an express lane at the grocery store.
No, it's actually for handicapped people, not some crappy blonde lady who has her kid run in the store while she talks on her cell phone to avoid looking at people.
The first time I saw little cards on etsy I thought they were funny. Then like everyone else who has been to a parking lot I was enraged.  I think it was probably the next day.  I wanted those cards.  They are even laminated for when people make you walk longer in the rain. I think if I actually had them I wouldn't be able to give them out because I would cherish them too much.  But they totally capture how I feel a LOT of the time. Maybe it's like a friendly alternative to ramming them with your car over and over when they pull into the spot right in front of you.  and it's definitely less likely to get you arrested. Please tell me I'm not the only one who wishes they had ramming rods on their car some day...
Then the other day at the gym I realized something.

I was parked right on the line. No one was next to me.
This was a separate time from when my friend made me re-park for being over the line.
I think it was the second time in one week I had majorly failed at parking.
and not straightened myself out.
I swear I went to driving school, and at one point I could even parallel park. Or pull into a spot without being super crooked.

It's not nearly as funny when you look at the parking lot and the car that needs the stupid parking cards is your own car.


Dear Moms,

Dear Mom Friend,
I just thought I would let you know that I don't think you should feel guilty about liking that one child more than the others.
You know, someone should love that child- because I sure don't. It makes me realize how sometimes people don't realize their loved one is super messed up.  Maybe they do know it but they just don't want to admit their violent child isn't so awesome.  That is their genetic material after all. 

I guess some combinations just work better than others.
Seriously though think about it- we all have people we like more than others.  My mom has a favorite. They just seem like a natural match.  They get along.  OK right now they aren't getting along- but their personalities match really well. I love my mom but we aren't such a natural match. I get it.

I feel good about it.
and so should you.  Ok maybe the poster is a little blasphemous. Maybe.

Love, Janae


Sunday Thoughts

Yesterday at church Danielle told everyone in Primary her mom did drugs.  I guess they were having a lesson about what to put in your body. I'm glad I could help with the lesson. I'm still not sure if Danielle knows the different between illegal "drugs" and "medicine" from your doctor, even though the teacher tried to explain it. Probably my fault there... At least she didn't come home and tell me how bad I was for taking drugs.
This is not to be confused with her offer to show other people her boobs.  This was the second time this week, so I decided I should tell her you normally don't show people your boobs. She seemed disappointed that boobs weren't something to share.  I'm disappointed that I taught my child to say "boobs" so strongly. Maybe I should have used some odd euphemism so people would just be confused and think the silly child is trying to take her clothes off for no reason. Also I have no idea where she would come up with this stuff.  She complimented someone's boobs the other day. I don't think any small child has ever told me I had nice boobs before. This can't be a common practice.

I'm pretty sure it's normal to let your kids dress up in ballet outfits at home though.  mark decided he also wanted a pretty dress so we put it on over his clothes.  Then got him a hair thing for him to throw on the floor over and over again.  After throwing it he had the decency to bring it to me to put back.  Over and over and over again.
It was actually adorable, which is good since his dance routing was accompanied by a lot or yelling.  as is much of Mark's monster lifestyle.


I think I'm actually going to have a baby...

I still can't believe I am having a baby.  Today I got an even bigger shock- I'm having a boy.
Why was I so convinced I was having a girl?  I don't know.

John has already discussed how we could still use the name Jackal and call him Jack. Boy names are way easier to pick than girl names, you know.



Maybe I shouldn't have told my daughter that the reason that I have metal teeth is that I didn't brush my teeth enough.  But she does always seem to remember to brush her teeth and I'm happy about that.  I wish she liked using the big kid toothpaste more than she does.  and that her hair didn't always look greasy lately.  Why does it look that way?  Sweat? her daily play in the sprinklers?  As far as I can tell the number of showers she takes a week has gone up but her hair doesn't look that great.

This week has been full of interesting things.  Like today when Danielle introduced herself to someone at a restaurant and told them they have great boobs. She said she only has small boobs but she still loves them. That was a new one.  I wonder if she will get obsessed with my boobs again when I nurse the new baby- she did with Mark. How do you explain that just because mom feeds the baby with her boobs doesn't mean you should go around talking about them all day?  We already worked on the no touching thing. I like to think that things with Mark will be different.  Danielle was born without normal boundaries.  I thought stranger anxiety was a made up thing for parents who wanted to feel special.

Mark has stranger anxiety though, which is of course a double edged sword. It's nice to feel  like your child loves you, but not as nice to carry Mark around three hours a day. Lately Mark has a death wish.  He wants to get hit by a car the most.  The other day though he wanted to do away with Danielle.  I had gone upstairs to use the restroom and Danielle decided to climb in the washer- which she does frequently.  I came back downstairs and heard Danielle yell "mom."  The problem was the voice was so far away- I looked outside and downstairs and I was starting to panic- until Mark started laughing. Danielle was shut in the washing machine.  Mark had turned it on but hadn't started it. I have to tell you that was terrifying.

Maybe it's wrong that I want to be able to go to the bathroom alone.  and shower alone.  and get dressed alone.  every day. actually for the bathroom one I would say several times a day even. It has certainly become an unreasonable and even unsafe expectation lately.  It's just not super fun to use the restroom only to come out and discover your child is on the front porch locked out of the house. OK that happened a while ago but it wasn't fun then either.

Maybe I should also consider getting those anti nausea medications.  Last week I threw up quite a bit- why is it always mostly water or my medicine?  Anyway by Saturday I realized I hadn't worked out since Wednesday because I was starting to have panic attacks.  Sedentary Lifestyle plus nausea plus anxiety does not equal success.  Also I feel like when I am pregnant I have a hard time not getting wrapped up in negatives like that.  I know- such a surprise for those of you who know and enjoy my sunny and always positive disposition. I went to spin class on Tuesday and my bottom is a little bruised.  They keep telling me I will build calluses but it's been a few weeks and it still hurts to sit down the day after I go. Of course I'm planning to go tomorrow in response. I like it.  I feel like I've worked really hard- and I'm sorry but spin class is a million times easier than running.

So I thought of things that could be worse than my pregnancy grouchiness.  Maybe a bug could come and lay eggs in my ear- or even worse belly button- and I could try to clean it out but it wouldn't work.  I thought of that just today. One of my new greatest fears I guess. I would way rather have a child with me while I go to the bathroom than have bugs crawl out of my belly button. Tomorrow we are going to the baby shower of someone who had to have surgery a few weeks before their baby was due- that would be way worse.

Now when the baby moves I will have to go check for bugs you know.
Maybe I should give up on this positive alternatives thing for a while...