Sunday Thoughts

Well today I went to church with two kids. While John was out of town. I had my hair back in a ponytail and wore flats. I almost put on under eye concealer. and I didn't even change Mark's outfit, which I realized halfway through sacrament meeting had food on it. Since I'm such a contentious parent I fed my kids girl scout cookies and pop tarts during the meeting. I also fed Mark an entire container of pomegranate Greek yogurt.
You can imagine I was not happy about how I looked. Or the fact that I probably seemed a little harried, which blows my graceful mom image.
At least my knee high nylons didn't have holes in them.
I thought I had a child that was afraid of people and wouldn't wander off but today he proved that even if you don't necessarily like other people you can still run away. I wish he understood that it is not a fun game to run away. and I just wish I had worn a fantastic necklace and high heels but I still can't scrub that nasty band aid sticky off my foot and I don't want to make it bleed.
Worst of all: I forgot my pedometer so even though I chased Mark all over I still won't have very many steps. as in I had no recorded steps as of 1:00 P.M. Today.

But you could imagine if I was the perfect mom, the day would have gone differently.
I would have woken up early and made my children and omelet for breakfast, with egg whites and lots of vegetables. They would happily eat it and not beg for shows.
I would have given Danielle a bath when I realized I couldn't comb the snarls out of her hair- which would be fine because I would have laid out my outfit the day before.
We would read scriptures together and head off for church, arriving 15 minutes early. My children would sit quietly and color in their coloring books. Mark would sit on my lap and cuddle with me as we listened to the talks. Then Danielle and Mark would head to primary where everything would go well. I think Mark would be wearing his Nordstrom suit. (he has one but I never manage to get it on him) I would have made him a matching tie with fun colors. I wouldn't have been tempted to just post a picture of the children sulking in the corner that didn't want their photo taken.
My toenails would be painted, and I would have straightened my hair.
I think I would have been wearing my red Kate Spade Dress.

I think this Kate Spade Dress is Darling. Perfect with her tights and a coat.

maybe I would wear my brown boots from Fluevog today.
I think I would bring my purse from Eight Seasons on Etsy.


I've worked with Threadrare before to make great hair things, and i would get her to make a perfectly matching red flower for my hair. I do love red.
I would keep the jewelry simple with a Louis Hill Pendant Necklace

and of course wear my Chanel makeup, which my children have not destroyed.

I always find myself drawn to black eyeliner and a light colored eyeshadow- but what if I branched out a little bit and wore eyeshadow more like the colors my sister Claire wears? I could go for the classic red lip and lined eyes but that might be overkill with my red mom dress.

It was a little sunny outside even though it was cold so the perfect mom would wear a pair of sunglasses.


ah, isn't being the perfect mom nice?

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Sunday Thoughts: The Perfect Mom

I have really missed the perfect mom.
I don't think the perfect mom's daughter learned how to count to twenty from watching "Preschool on T.V."
The perfect mom really has more energy than I do. She is constantly looking for ways to make the world better. Maybe actually she is looking for ways to undo the environmental damage she did by having children. So the perfect mom does as much as she can to use local meat. One thing you can do? Get you own chickens. These chickens might not save you money but they will help you appreciate your food more. Maybe you wouldn't be so fast to throw that overcooked chicken out if you realized how long it took to raise it. And if you weren't dealing with chickens so loaded with hormones that they grow up in ten minutes.
The perfect mom would get her chickens a haven where they would lay eggs. Maybe colored eggs or brown eggs. The perfect mom would have a clean chicken coop. She would use the eggs to feed her children and maybe take the yolks out to help reduce cholesterol consumption. Her children would learn the importance on vigilance in caring for the chickens. And she would never take meat for granted again.
maybe her children would learn to be vegetarian or only eat eggs instead of chicken.
If her family chose to continue to eat meat that would be OK too. because their mother had provided them with the most valuable thing to the perfect mom: understanding.

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Cloth Diapers

So I've been using cloth diapers for a while. Actually G diapers with the disposable insert.
Disposable. Flush-able. right. The first time I saw the disposable insert I thought to myself- that is going to clog my toilet.
Correct.
Which brings me to a new idea- what about a food disposal in the bottom of the toilet? They would never be clogged again. That could take the flushable inserts any day.
John told me that was sort of gross. Turns out that a little company named Shanghai Gerpman industrial company thought it was a good idea too. You can find one here. I don't think I will buy one, but it could be good for my little disposable diaper inserts- then I would never have to use the disgusting swisher stick again.
I finally went to cloth diapers since the doctors told me to- why didn't I do this with Danielle? She had persistent diaper rash all the time and was a free range baby for a while. Then my sister in law decided to cloth diaper. She told me how she does it. and Claire decided she will do it when she has babies. Sara did it in New Zealand. Buying diapers for two children pretty much broke my heart in half so I thought- if I am going to have any more children I might as well get on board. Well Danielle is potty trained (thanks Mark and Sara) and Mark is finally out of diapers- so we are continuing the transition. I still haven't purchased safe laundry detergent and thought about air drying them in my backyard (please let the fence magically be put in) so I am using the disposables I bought. Oh wait, Mark also only has six covers so far. Not quite the two dozen or so people recommend.
Thanks for the support girls- wish me the best with the washing.

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Sunday Thoughts

I slept during church this Sunday. First I got up early and got ready for church. I had the children ready- (we were at the Bergs). Then Mark fell asleep. I did too. It was HEAVENLY- he slept almost the whole time everyone was at church. Danielle loved Nursery.
Mark has once again decided that eating at night is just much more efficient than eating during the day. He likes to nurse four times in the middle of the night. Luckily now he will go back to bed or I would be literally having a nervous breakdown. Sundays are always the hardest because I usually put on a show for Danielle and take a nap in the morning while Mark takes a nap. She seems to like it because that's the only time I let her watch shows- and I stay alive. It's funny how I've contemplated if you could literally die from not sleeping. I think you can- John read about some disease. I definitely don't have it so I am just grouchy and wondering about why Mormon's aren't supposed to drink coffee. How do all these moms do it?
The Perfect Mom has energy.
The perfect mom actually takes their children to do physically active activities. It isn't enough to just go to the gym- you need to actually be outside with your children. I am pretty sure that the perfect mom likes to camp with their family. and take their children on bike rides. I knew this girl that went jogging every morning and took her daughter in the stroller. that is close to right- I think kids need to see you exercising and it has to be part of your life. Seeing is good but doing it together is also an essential part of the perfect mom. Like a walk in the park or Bike rides as the whole family. Maybe it starts as mommy and me dance classes or you go skiing as a family. Maybe you play ball with your kids or hike the grand Tetons with your 10 year old.
The perfect mom would get their child involved, take them on a ride and then show them how to ride.

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Sunday Thoughts

Sunday Thoughts: This Sunday we went to church with my mom. It was strange to heart the different speaking style. Some woman was talking about relief society. She was a little to banal about her description of her mother getting hit by a car. When you’re tone of voice is so monotone I don’t really believe you when you say “unfortunately, she was hit by a car.” Was that a little smile on her mouth about her own mother getting hit by a car? I guess she decided every talk needs a personal story. Why choose to talk about her mother being hit by a car? Her mother was in the hospital in critical condition and so many sisters visited her that the nurses asked if the mother was some celebrity that they didn’t know. What a relief society success- you can be mistaken for a lesser known celebrity! Totally worth getting hit by a car.

But I did notice something about the ladies in my mom’s ward. They are cute. One girl with her perfect shiny brown hair was wearing an adorable yellow sweater with ruffles that I am jealous of even though it would make me look like a lemon mess. So much tousled hair can be overwhelming in one place and I hope they are using non-aerosol hairspray for the sake of the ozone but many of them share something with the perfect mom. Which brings me to this week’s perfect mom installment:

The perfect mom wears high heels.

Everyone knows that high heels are awesome for several reasons. Reason one- you are taller. Reason two- they look good. Reason three- people notice them. One of my secret criteria in marriage was to have a husband tall enough that I can wear four inch heels. I guess that means no one under 5’8” so it isn’t that impressive. John totally meets the requirements which brings me joy. After I had my first baby I felt like I was invisible to people at church. The only questions I was ever asked were about my children. True my daughter was cute but I felt like I was dowdy and generally un-cute. I guess my post baby body disappointed me. I felt like I couldn’t wear some of my old cute clothes- but cute shoes worked. I never worried that people would think I was too fat for my shoes. Wearing four inch heels made me feel pretty all the time.

Another reason having high heels is good? It is difficult. Chasing a toddler is harder in stilettos. Carrying a baby makes my balance worse than being pregnant. People wonder about a woman who is seven months pregnant in heels. I am always shocked when I see women who wear heals all the time. How can you wear those things to work all the time? So awesome. Your life has to be pretty put together to be able to wear high heels. You aren’t overwhelmed by your children. You are still sexy. You are a woman, then a mom. Now don't get my wrong, I am not promoting one inch heels. Go big or go home. Wearing dowdy 1.5 inch heels penny loafers makes you look more than an out of control mom. If you can't handle it you shouldn't't do it. And you can handle it. And you can handle it.

High heels, I salute you.

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Sunday Thoughts

Well this week I took baby Mark home from church early. He always freaks out a little. I am torn between feeling like I should go to church no matter what and feeling sad for my baby. People that are super active at church always say you just go and walk the halls and it is practice because you aren't getting anything religious out of it. Sometimes I would rather just let him sleep in his bed and not deal with a screaming overtired baby that won't eat and won't fall asleep.
Although I am always proud of myself when I go. I think going to church is the right thing to do and it is always a struggle for me so I get confused. Church is complicated. Mark always seems so overwhelmed.

Which brings me to the perfect mom for the week. Brooke has informed me that I don't have to quit the series- which brings me joy. I am building what I would look like if I was a perfect mom. The perfect mom breastfeeds. Carlie and I had a perfect mom moment when we both breastfed at the Jewish Deli in Scranton. Went off without a hitch. We used nursing covers. I felt like Superwoman.
Sorry people, it is true. The perfect mom is a breastfeeding mom. A while ago people thought formula was better and then really wealthy parents were ending up with babies that didn't do as well because they could afford formula. Then the La Leche League formed to help support women and educate them about how much better it is for babies. I feel like now my generation is experiencing another backlash from extreme attitudes about nursing. I guess some don't capture the vision of the nurse in. I didn't know this but my sister told me nursing wasn't protected everywhere. I don't know if the breastfeeding promotion act passed. I do know that feeding babies is a super hard topic. I went to a La Leche League meeting after I had Danielle with my sister in law. The women seemed really closed minded and I remember Kathryn saying it isn't always realistic to feed in the first hour- some women have premature babies or have children go to the NICU and they are given bottles. I guess the women who have had problems like that don't end up at these meetings because no one knew anything about it. It is tragic that there is so little information about how to succeed when you have difficult situations.
This week was a bit of a breastfeeding disaster. Mark is teething so he was trying to bite me. Also no more eating in any room but his bedroom. with no overhead light. and no noise. and lots of attention and positive affirmation. no yelling for him biting me (hi have you ever been bitten while nursing- how do you not at least shout a little when the little teeth draw blood?)
I couldn't quit. My only official ex friend quit over a bite. Did that seriously influence my decision? Shameful.
I don't know how I feel about the perfect mom just nursing in public- my baby won't do it. Too overwhelming. So we have to sit in the car or the bathroom if he is hungry. Also he hates nursing covers.
And I thought I got to have opinions.
If you search for breastfeeding in Twitter people complain about mother's breastfeeding in Burger King and some moms ask questions and are proud to be an uncovered breastfeeding mom. So polarized! Seriously though the next day I searched for it when I actually had a question someone was flooding the feed with what looked like porn links. boo on twitter- obviously not the place to go to find advice I am new and still learning how to search.

Breastfeeding makes so many mother's feel guilty I can understand the guilt- you are letting someone close to your privates and if it doesn't go well it is hard not to take it personally. The first time I tried to feed Mark rice cereal he seemed to like it and I felt a little betrayed- after the blood and infection how could he like that bland crap? Oh sometimes I feel the crazy overprotective parent welling up. He now eats one meat a day. He doesn't like pears. I am going to start making my own baby food but that is a different perfect mom post.

Our society is lacking really good breastfeeding support. A middle ground that takes in that breastfeeding involves two human beings. I liked a blog post from the rambling renovators about breastfeeding. People don't always realize how important it is to support each other. I've read a lot about breastfeeding and been to lots of lactation consultants. Some are good, some are not. There is a woman out there called the breast whisperer. Maybe if I had met with her I would have been able to breastfeed Danielle. I am desperate to succeed as a breastfeeding mom. My friend Jen asked me why.

Well Jen- the perfect mom would do it.

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Sunday Thoughts

Today John had the barfies so I went to church with Carlie under the pretense of playing the piano for nursery in John's place.
not so much.
I went visiting teaching today.
Seriously why do I visit teach only people who have cats? Why do you not vacuum when you have cats?
Speaking of People with Cats, Carlie is visiting me. When I say visiting I mean she is cleaning and cooking and I have been taking naps and exercising all week. Pretty much she is saving my royal bottom. (call it royal in regards to it's girth.)

I've decided to start building the perfect mom in my mind. This fantasizing can be part of my Sunday thoughts. I am going to ask people to write about things like guest bloggers. So I stole some thoughts from an email from Carlie and am publishing them without authorization.

THE PERFECT MOM USES CLOTH DIAPERS:

You asked about my cloth diapering system. I love my diapers. They are a specific type of cloth diapers called pocket diapers. This is the brand: http://www.bumgenius.com/one-size.php. ....They'll fit him until he is 35 lbs because they have snaps that change the size of the diaper. Pocket diapers comprise of an outer diaper shell that serves as the way to fasten the diaper to the baby with velcro (no pins!) and as plastic pants. The pocket diapers have a nice flannel layer that touches the bum that keeps the baby dry. Then, there is a pocket where you insert super absorbent micro fleece panels that soak up the pee. I also use flannel baby wipes and a homemade mixture of water, baby oil, and baby soap to wipe up messes with. These are awesome because one wipe will usually do the trick for one big poo, and you get it all in one swoop.

When I take off a diaper, I always disassemble the diaper right then. So, I take out the soil insert and fold that with any baby wipes into the outer shell and store them in my diaper pail. I just picked out a dry pail from babies r us. Every other day or sometimes every day, I do a load of diapers. First, I do a cold wash with 1/4 the manufacturer recommended detergent, and then I do a hot wash with 1/4 the recommended detergent. I always do an extra rinse. Right now with the breast milk poo, I just put everything straight into washing machine. So, I don't rinse the diaper in toilet water. When Elijah starts on solids, I'll invest in a diaper sprayer and experiment with disposable diaper liners. And, I might have to consider stink control more with the diaper pail, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

I had a bit of a learning curve with the diapers. At first, he had a bit of a diaper rash which really frustrated me because I was so proud of my non-chemical diapers. You have to be careful using diaper creams with the diapers because it affects how absorbency of the diaper, but I used some reusable diaper liners and fought off the rash just fine. I realized the problem was my detergent. You have to use detergent that is free of everything like enzymes, dyes, etc. I finally found some at the local organic store. Ever since I switched detergents, I haven't had a problem with the rash. Also, occasionally, the diapers get saturated with leftover ammonia or detergent, so you occasionally have to strip the diapers. I do it by soaking the diapers in bleach or oxyclean for half an hour, and then washing as usual.

The other problem I kept encountering was leaky pee...which sometimes can be caused by oversaturated diapers that need stripping, but it was also how I was putting the diaper one. I have to make sure everything is folded down and lined up, and then they are amazingly spill free. I feel we've had relatively few leaky poo diapers, so they do happen but even the biggest poos are well contained.

I found this Q/A section helpful when i had confusions about my diapers:
http://www.cottonbabies.com/clothdiapers.php#environmentalimpactofdiapers
I think the hardest part is getting the laundry done, but I decided that I never have to fold the diapers and my drying rack is always up in my nursery, so I dump the inserts straight into the drawer from the dryer, and I often take the outsides straight from the drying rack. This probably seems lazy and occasionally I will fold the diapers for special occasions. So, even on my worst days, I've managed to stay on top of the diapers. I do have a box of disposable around for outings and when I am stripping all the diapers, but we need them only rarely.

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