Sunday Thoughts

Well this week I took baby Mark home from church early. He always freaks out a little. I am torn between feeling like I should go to church no matter what and feeling sad for my baby. People that are super active at church always say you just go and walk the halls and it is practice because you aren't getting anything religious out of it. Sometimes I would rather just let him sleep in his bed and not deal with a screaming overtired baby that won't eat and won't fall asleep.
Although I am always proud of myself when I go. I think going to church is the right thing to do and it is always a struggle for me so I get confused. Church is complicated. Mark always seems so overwhelmed.

Which brings me to the perfect mom for the week. Brooke has informed me that I don't have to quit the series- which brings me joy. I am building what I would look like if I was a perfect mom. The perfect mom breastfeeds. Carlie and I had a perfect mom moment when we both breastfed at the Jewish Deli in Scranton. Went off without a hitch. We used nursing covers. I felt like Superwoman.
Sorry people, it is true. The perfect mom is a breastfeeding mom. A while ago people thought formula was better and then really wealthy parents were ending up with babies that didn't do as well because they could afford formula. Then the La Leche League formed to help support women and educate them about how much better it is for babies. I feel like now my generation is experiencing another backlash from extreme attitudes about nursing. I guess some don't capture the vision of the nurse in. I didn't know this but my sister told me nursing wasn't protected everywhere. I don't know if the breastfeeding promotion act passed. I do know that feeding babies is a super hard topic. I went to a La Leche League meeting after I had Danielle with my sister in law. The women seemed really closed minded and I remember Kathryn saying it isn't always realistic to feed in the first hour- some women have premature babies or have children go to the NICU and they are given bottles. I guess the women who have had problems like that don't end up at these meetings because no one knew anything about it. It is tragic that there is so little information about how to succeed when you have difficult situations.
This week was a bit of a breastfeeding disaster. Mark is teething so he was trying to bite me. Also no more eating in any room but his bedroom. with no overhead light. and no noise. and lots of attention and positive affirmation. no yelling for him biting me (hi have you ever been bitten while nursing- how do you not at least shout a little when the little teeth draw blood?)
I couldn't quit. My only official ex friend quit over a bite. Did that seriously influence my decision? Shameful.
I don't know how I feel about the perfect mom just nursing in public- my baby won't do it. Too overwhelming. So we have to sit in the car or the bathroom if he is hungry. Also he hates nursing covers.
And I thought I got to have opinions.
If you search for breastfeeding in Twitter people complain about mother's breastfeeding in Burger King and some moms ask questions and are proud to be an uncovered breastfeeding mom. So polarized! Seriously though the next day I searched for it when I actually had a question someone was flooding the feed with what looked like porn links. boo on twitter- obviously not the place to go to find advice I am new and still learning how to search.

Breastfeeding makes so many mother's feel guilty I can understand the guilt- you are letting someone close to your privates and if it doesn't go well it is hard not to take it personally. The first time I tried to feed Mark rice cereal he seemed to like it and I felt a little betrayed- after the blood and infection how could he like that bland crap? Oh sometimes I feel the crazy overprotective parent welling up. He now eats one meat a day. He doesn't like pears. I am going to start making my own baby food but that is a different perfect mom post.

Our society is lacking really good breastfeeding support. A middle ground that takes in that breastfeeding involves two human beings. I liked a blog post from the rambling renovators about breastfeeding. People don't always realize how important it is to support each other. I've read a lot about breastfeeding and been to lots of lactation consultants. Some are good, some are not. There is a woman out there called the breast whisperer. Maybe if I had met with her I would have been able to breastfeed Danielle. I am desperate to succeed as a breastfeeding mom. My friend Jen asked me why.

Well Jen- the perfect mom would do it.

NaDell (February 28, 2010 at 2:13 PM)  

It was always hard when kids were teething and I was nursing. I think that was about the time I started making them drink a bottle with cold water in it some of the time.
I have NO idea how to not make some sort of response after being bitten. Good luck with that.
It's the worst when you nurse somewhere and the baby gets distracted and yanks off without releasing his/her mouth. (Totally graphic and true! Ouch!)
My kids all had a bottle or two in the hospital and picked up nursing just fine. I had c-sections with all of them and was WAY too tired to nurse right after. With my oldest, I had her at 3:30 in the afternoon and didn't nurse her until the next morning because I was so wiped out from the day and a half of labor, pushing, failed vacuum attempts, having her shoved back in because she was enormous (9#2oz), having the maximum epidural (13 hours) and having to be put under during the c-section.
I'm all for breastfeeding, but also loved the easiness of bottles a few times a week to supplement breastfeeding.
How's that for a super-long too-much-information comment?
Is Mark just crying during church the whole time? Elizabeth did that too. She cried through the whole meeting for my first Mother's Day. It was fabulous. I even managed to miss out on the Mother's gift. I was ticked.

Carlie Madsen (February 28, 2010 at 2:43 PM)  

Yes! Two for two! I'm all about more breastfeeding conversations. Breastfeeding is rough, but seriously, I think of it as a life accomplishment...sheer determination to make it work! And, I think some is better than none. and, I think I should breastfeed out in the open in church (covered up)...because we don't have a proper mothers room. The Jewish deli rocked!

Megan (February 28, 2010 at 3:55 PM)  

I'm so glad you posted something about breastfeeding. I exclusively breastfed Cali till she was 14 months and I got so much crap for doing that. But I wanted to! Biting is hard and I think you're doing a great job! There's always hard but just remember how happy you and your family will be because you're always trying to be that perfect mom! Good for you!

Danielle (February 28, 2010 at 7:28 PM)  

So glad I found your blog. Thanks for following me. I am following back. I am in the same situation with the church thing. I want to become more active in my church, but I find it hard when you have children you worry about constantly through the sermon. Good luck.

kathryn (February 28, 2010 at 7:34 PM)  

Clark was exactly like that at church. The day he was blessed he screamed the ENTIRE 2 1/2 hours of church until he knocked himself out(luckily he was asleep during the blessing itself). I was thinking how much easier it was for me having Clark be the super sensitive baby as our first because it was possible to meet all of his demands. I can't imagine having a Clark with another kid. Kudos to you for doing it with Danielle. Also, I'm a fan of breastfeeding. Although it is a really touchy and easily judgmental subject--each mom has to do what's best for them and the baby. Also, I'm not sure how I feel about breastfeeding in a restaraunt. Also, I think it is a personal insult for all breastfeeding mothers when the church's mother's lounge is situated in the same place as where you change stinky toddler diapers. I don't want to smell human feces for the twenty minutes I'm in there!

Brooke (March 9, 2010 at 9:18 PM)  

I want to again declare that the "Perfect Mom" series can suck my left hooter. I didn't make enough breastmilk to breastfeed the first time and was hospitalized 3 times with mastitis the second. I became a better Mom when I stopped letting the stupid la leche league make me feel guilty. how's that for polarized! :) Down with the perfect mom!!!!!

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