Dear Yard,

Dear Yard,
I hate you.
I hate you so, so much.
I guess it isn't enough that I found the carcasses of about 10,000 meal worms in the flower bed last fall when I was planting bulbs. You decided to also reveal that the shrubs had carpenter ants. Then I noticed some funny white things on the ground cover. Fungus? Thanks for getting that. And the holes all over the grass? Are those from the chipmunks I see running all over or from voles? Lucky for me I imported over 8 bags of dirt for our garden. Only one of them had a cloud of mosquitoes fly out when I dumped it. One of those mosquitoes bit my poor little baby.
Why are there huge patches of grass dying? Could that be the rodents? I see rabbits and squirrels and chipmunks, but maybe there is something else.
Dear ivy, thanks for trying to take over our ground cover and growing over our back window.
I am also glad to know that the ground bees have survived the cold winter.

At least the tree didn't fall on our house. Or rather, only one more branch fell on our house after we pack 2000.00 to get them trimmed. A week later I found out one of our friends from church actually trims trees for a living and would have done it for much less.
I am happy that John decided to cut down some trees in the winter and then discovered the quickest way to make a rabbits den- just leave them under the snow when it snows two feet the day after you trim your shrubs. I am so excited that rabbit poop is a good fertilizer since our lawn is littered with it.
I am also glad that you froze like two days before our fence was going to go in and now we have to wait until June. I am so excited that whatever mystery neighborhood dog is crapping in our back yard will still have that opportunity.
I am glad that the people who lived here before us probably spend 3 hours in their yard every day and I can't keep up. I am super grateful to my grass that died all winter and now wants me to mow it every other day. I am excited about the overgrown rhododendron and the dead one.
Thank goodness that I could spend so much money on seed and insect control.
Thanks for having spider nests in all your bushes and letting me spot just a tiny little termite the other day.
You must know that I am allergic to cats and might not be able to get a mouser. I might try though.
I just wanted to share a little "halfway through the project" flower bed from the backyard. Thank goodness for homeowners who planted an evergreen tree on their property line. And put a 500 lb rock right where a fence could go.
I was just wondering if you think I should try to maintain you or just re-sod before we move out. Also what color rocks do you think I should replace all the ground cover with- and how toxic is that insecticide- should I wait a few years on my garden?
You are sucking my life and money away.
You are lucky Danielle loves you and we have to dog to chase out the squirrels.

Just one more question- what the hell is this mound?
Have a great day

Rachelle Sharp (April 14, 2010 at 5:47 PM)  

Maybe you should just pave it over. Except for that freakish rock thing. That's cool, so keep it.

mablebrown (April 15, 2010 at 1:10 AM)  

Yes, I agree with Rachelle...or how about putting in a pool? They have those in the freezing N.E. right?

Carlie Madsen (April 15, 2010 at 8:02 AM)  

A yard sounds like having another child. I'm glad I only have one child. So, it is kind of like you really have 4.5 children. Danielle (you counts for 1.5 kids), Mark (who counts as 1 kid), the yard (1 kid), and house (1 kid)...right :)

kathryn (April 15, 2010 at 10:35 AM)  

I LOVE to get my hands dirty and work in our yard...until I find bugs. They seem to live out there.

Mel (April 15, 2010 at 7:38 PM)  

Definitely get rid of grass. The only way I feel like I have any control over my yard is by having no grass. Except for some of that decorative stuff that grows really tall. That's cool.

Jennifer (April 19, 2010 at 10:09 PM)  

You know, you always have the astroturf option. Low maintenance and bugs hate it. So what if its just a little trashy. Those judgy neighbors will be jealous when you NEVER have to mow again.

Post a Comment