Sunday Thoughts: Zweifel

Today I wore exciting shoes to church. They helped me be motivated to go. Don't worry- I got them on clearance with an additional coupon. I think I was literally as tall as John. and that's saying something since I don't start out really tall. Thank goodness I got to wear them once since they will be in the closet until summer next year with labor day coming tomorrow.

The 15 year old in our ward who is pregnant said she liked my shoes. Maybe she has turned 16. I wanted to talk to her about her baby but it is just a little too rude I think. I heard through the grapevine that her mother is adopting the baby and that the young women leaders have told the young women not to throw her a baby shower. They say it is the position of the church that her baby should be put up for adoption.
I didn't really know there was an official position about this stuff. I wasn't happy with the explanation that they couldn't throw a shower because they don't want the young women thinking that having a baby in high school is "fun." They need to set an example to not approve of this in family adoption.

My sister and brother in law adopted a baby, and she is the most darling think ever. They are probably more opinionated about this topic than I am, because I am a little bit at a loss. I feel like all babies should have good families that care for them but is it different if the family adopts the baby? I am dying to know how the girl came to her decision. I had a roommate that got pregnant and gave the baby up for adoption and I've known people who had kept their babies.
What I don't really like is telling people they need to shun a 15 year old pregnant girl who is probably having a hard enough time as it is. I hope that she gets the support she needs and that the baby is all right. Will the teachers also tell the young women not to be nice to the baby?

I guess that's why bastard is a curse word, I've just never seen it first hand.

Carlie Madsen (September 6, 2010 at 10:47 AM)  

This reminds me of how the Savior treated the woman caught in adultery. When everyone was so ready to stone her, he simply said, "go and sin no more." I think we as a culture are too quick to "stone" people. I bet if the YW talked to the girl about her pregnancy; they'd realize how not fun pregnancy is.

We had the "sex talk" during the 5th Sunday meeting. I squirmed the entire time. So often chastity is taught in such a negative light. We read all the scriptures about damnation, and we remind everyone who is single that they are forbidden from sex. In my mind, no wonder sex is such a forbidden fruit to so many teens, especially based on the way we teach it. What would happen if we talked about all the positive reasons for the law of chastity.

Carlie Madsen (September 6, 2010 at 11:11 AM)  

This is Matt.

I think that LDS family services is an ideal source for the Church's position on single pregnancy. I feel that young women leaders owe it to their girls and the church to become familiar with the website and to look at a few examples before they say anything "official" to a young pregnant girl.

LDS family services does say,

"No one else will live daily with your decision, which is why no one else can make this decision for you.

The best thing you can do for you and your future child is to educate yourself about your options and feel confident that you have found the solution that is right for you."

The site talks in depth about the various options. By reading through the examples, adoptions is obviously seen as a good choice and the choice to carry a pregnancy all the way through is obviously seen as a brave and a good one.

At no point does any Church material say that a baby must be given to a couple outside of the faimly. Pre-marital counciling is suggested to girls considering marrying their boyfriends, and the choice to provide a baby with a mother and a father is encouraged.

I think that family members adopting a baby is consistent with all of the material.

Overall, one major theme is that the choice is that of the young woman, and that family members (and others) need to be respectful and not try and to make the decision for the girl.

I am all about adoption, I think that it is a beautiful and a brave thing. But I don't think that anything the Church has said implies that it is the only option in every circumstance.

kathryn (September 6, 2010 at 1:50 PM)  

Wow Janae! Did you really wear these shoes? You are amazing and way more fashionable than I am. I'm way impressed!

Also, that's too bad that there are such negative feelings toward that young woman. When I was growing up we had a rash of pregnant teens in the ward. There were 4 or 5 pregnancies within a few years of each other. I don't know why that happened, but I can see the leaders not wanting to glamorize teen pregnancy. Out of those pregnancies no one gave their babies up for adoption.

When I was at BYU I took a class from someone who's husband was the director of LDS familiy services in the Salt Lake area. We had a class on teen pregnancy and the church's stance. I don't know where she got her information, but she told us the church encourages girls who get pregnant to first see if they can marry the boyfriend (which seems like a really bad idea in most teenage relationships) and if that isn't a good option to then consider adoption. She said the purpose of this is to give the child the opportunity to be sealed in a family. I understand this approach. But I also agree with Matt that it is a deeply personal choice and that only God knows what is best for that child and mother and through inspiration a teenage girl could know what that was.

Carlie, did your current ward have a chastity talk for the adults? I've only known of the chastity talk given to singles. That seems like it would be kind of awkward. The best approach to the chastity talk I've ever heard is using Elder Holland's talk Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments.

Carlie Madsen (September 6, 2010 at 6:56 PM)  

Yup! They had a chastity talk for adults. I think I was blushing the entire time! I've heard about that talk by Elder HOlland, but I couldn't remember what it was called. Thanks for the tip.

kathryn (September 6, 2010 at 7:30 PM)  

That's so strange. It seems like the only chastity thing you could tell married adults would be "don't cheat on your spouse."

C (September 12, 2010 at 12:44 AM)  

Kind of a tough/awkward subject for all involved.

I can definitely see why they wouldn't want the young women to throw a big celebration for it, but that doesn't mean they can't show their support through gifts or whatever else, on their own.

In your most recent post I assume you're trying to scare Danielle by teaching her what a pregnant belly really feels like. -- I do like that approach, I must say.

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