Today I went grocery shopping without my children. OK it was the other day- but you an imagine. I missed them so much. So I decided to nag myself for everything I saw that I wanted. I compulsively added items to the cart and then decided I wanted a different flavor. I ran from the cart to another aisle. I talked to the lobsters for a few minutes and cried when I had to leave them. I ordered every single kind of cake item.
I moved around the cereal boxes. I dumped all the granola bars on the floor. Then I picked up 4 or five varieties of fruit snacks and lots of chips. I picked up the pooping chicken in the easter candy and bought myself a stuffed animal. When I got to the aisle I hugged everyone's legs and told them if they looked funny. I got a twix and one of those bottle pop suckers. I had already eaten two jelly beans from the bag I ripped open and thrown the rest on the floor. I also had to go get the contents of my wallet from where I had thrown them down in disgust. I had hot dogs and lunchables, as well as every variety of dannonino yogurt.

not quite satisfied, I decided to cut out the middle mad entirely. I decided I didn't get the right fruit on the way home and had to go back for yellow apples and handi snacks. Then I got myself some cake with a princess plate. I put it on the table and went to watch shows. Each time there was a commercial break I got a new fork to get another bite. Then I just wiped frosting in my hair and threw the rest of the food in a pile on the floor. I dumped my cool-aid on my lovely pile then brought my nectarines to the basement. I took one bite of each of them and hid them behind a toy bin to rot. I emptied the bag of goldfish crackers in my bed then jumped on it to get them nice and crumbly.

When John came home, I blamed Austin the dog.
I think it was the yogurt all over my shirt that betrayed the truth...

Laura (April 7, 2011 at 6:13 PM)  


Then did you need to ask the manager if you could please please please use their bathroom only to then use it not to go but to touch everything and try to eat something you found on the floor?

NaDell (April 7, 2011 at 7:13 PM)  

Eww. You are just out of control over there, aren't you, Janae? Sounds like a fun trip to the grocery store. Those trips are the best with expensive, sugary food in your cart.

The Merrell Family (April 9, 2011 at 10:54 PM)  

Next time you should take your kids with you, they might help you control yourself. :)

kathryn (April 10, 2011 at 11:11 PM)  

Don't you just love those kinds of days?

BrittWilk (April 13, 2011 at 1:07 AM)  

hilarious. i love you.

and i love going to the grocery store without my kids. that never happens though.

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