Spouse Wars

Lots of married people fight. I remember being shocked after being married a few weeks and seeing my brother and sister in law punch each other in the bottom or leg really hard then run away. Apparently nothing says love like a slug on the arm. I am not really in to the physical fights, and if your voice is even a tiny bit loud I consider it yelling, which is an offence punishable by death. Don't get me wrong though. John and I are in a war, but there are no bruises.

You could also call it a war of attrition because that is an awesome word. The war has to do with just a few areas of the house. I call them battle zones. One of them is at the foot of the stairs. It is the tie battle zone. Starting just a few short months ago when I got john this fantastic Burberry tie on clearance at Nordstrom. I noticed that John frequently hangs up his ties at the bottom of the stairs on the banisters. Now we frequently put things at the bottom of the stairs to take upstairs but the ties don't move. And I'm not moving them.

The second zone is the piano. Now the actual zone used to be the couch in and the coffee table but I have decided to move the zone. Whenever I see any of John's school stuff on the coffee table or floor I move it to the piano. Like the momentum of putting it on the piano will get it put away. Oh wait- I forgot a book about applied sas programming- more things. I try to fill up the whole piano without mentioning anything. In the photo you will see a custom designed deck of cards that says "Love" on it. That's what I am showing here. Love. The true measure of how much your spouse loves that present you got them is if it gets put away in a logical place or if it just lives on the kitchen table where they got it for the rest of its life. My favorite war zone is the kitchen. John does the dishes which I think is awesome because everyone in the world hates doing dishes and I fall in that category. But he doesn't like putting the dirty dishes in the sink, he puts them on the counter. At this war zone I put all the dishes I can find not only on the counter but the entire house in the sink. Hopefully there are some oversized items so I can have the level of the dishes be higher than the faucet. I wait to see if I get any comments. Sometimes I pout about it, or act shocked that I can't find any knives when they are all dirty. I know because I used all of them the second they were clean in a chopping frenzy. Nothing makes you want to make dirty dishes like an empty sink.

So I sit and wait. Because someday the ties will disappear and the dishes won't be on the counter. Someday Danielle won't be able to eat his homework on the coffee table. Or I will have to start stage 2- hiding. John has enough shoes that this part of the war could take weeks before it comes to a head.

It's all part of my plan to drive John insane.

And that is what true love is all about.