Marriage Excellence: The Disclaimer.

Now in order to have a more honest marriage I've thought of some things that we could assign blame for. What inspired this thought? Danielle waking Mark up at one in the morning. She decided to forgo sleep in favor of the much more interesting coloring. She wanted to use her paints so she did. The Blue paint was not as desirable so she took the lid off and dumped it behind the toilet. The yellow paint was only worthy of the hallway floor. But the red paint- Oh the red paint! it was good enough for the bed and the wall and her hair and the toilet and the tub, sink, and the wonderful carpet. In order to tell future generations about the fun she had Danielle drew pictures in a permanent marker she found in my purse. Smiley faces all over the twin bed- and the wall. And oddly on her feet but whatever.
I was so overwhelmed by the paint that I woke John up. Mark was screaming but I thought we should clean his room out a little- you see everything had been emptied from his closet onto the floor, including the new toy bin for his usually immaculate room. John was dumbfounded. Why would someone do such a horrible thing? She has had access to bath paint in the bathroom and markers in her room for a LONG time. Why now? What is wrong with our child?
Then me being overwhelmed by the mess turned into something else: shame.
You see, I remember getting in trouble for coloring on- well, everything. The lampshade, the bed, the wall. John does not remember being in trouble for such blatant destruction of property.
I'm pretty sure he would remember if he had done it.
very sure.

I can't help but wonder why that never came up while we were dating- by the way we are liable to have children that color on things and climb on furniture in order to get objects they should not have. Also, they will probably try to hide food under their beds and hoard our stolen possessions. Let's not talk about what they will do when they are teenagers. After a little consideration of our children I thought of how John could have let me know that out children would have food allergies and probably have acid reflux.

So I thought of a way to make every marriage better. At least if you are planning to reproduce during that marriage. Or even other relationships where children will result- it is a helpful disclaimer to help your spouse know what they are getting into.
Here are some questions that would be helpful as an extension of normal illnesses that would be helpful to know, like epilepsy or diabetes:

During your infancy/childhood did you/ were you

1. have a serious illness
2. described as "colicky"
3. Have an allergy. Describe___
4. Have irregular growth
5. Bite other children
6. Hit other children
7. get kicked out of preschool/daycare/primary
8. Hurt animals (OK side note maybe don't marry the person if this is true)
9. Color on your walls
10. Color on other furniture
11. Color on other people
12. Steal things from your family
13. steal things from school
14. steal things from friends
15. break other kids' toys
16. hoard food under your bed
17. never go to bed
18. purposefully disobey your parents
19. throw temper tantrums
20. Break windows on purpose
21. sneak around while your parents were asleep to do things you knew you shouldn't do.
22. wake your siblings up.
23. try to hide the sheets you painted on.
24. lie about wetting the bed.
25. Lie about other things. Describe_____
    

Not all those things apply to me, but I would like to take this moment to say that my mom has a photo of me after we colored all over our bodies. Not to be confused with the time we colored all over the walls. Also we did it in the morning- not like when we colored on our bedroom furniture when we were staying up late. Like we did every night.
and I hoarded food under my bed. and stole all my dad's quarters. and some other stuff. Like the time I tried to steal my cousin's toys.

And all this before I even started Kindergarten.

sorry love.

I'm pretty optimistic about the way we cleaned everything out of Danielle's room so fast. No more toys, no more bookshelves. No more pillow pets. She was so exhausted during the process she fell asleep. at 1:30 in the morning. I know you thought that was a good idea earlier, and I'm glad we finally did it.
Less optimistic about: the carpet....

What should you have told your spouse about?

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Food on Thought

source I took the image from another blog. Sorry but no Lemon Bars were around long enough to be photographed so beautifully.

Kate Moss is supposedly the one who coined the phrase "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." I want to give her a little hug. A squishy one with lots of padding. Lots of people have criticized this as promoting anorexia, and I know people who have used it for motivation to work out and have a healthier lifestyle.
Whatever works for you personally, sometimes I like to think of foods that do in fact, taste better. I would theorize that Kate Moss has never eaten lemon bars made by Jutta Olivetti. Maybe you haven't either. Lucky for me I can't ask her to make them for me every day without a great deal of shame. Also she would probably just say no and stop talking to me. They are AMAZING.
My sister Claire would understand- she had FANTASTIC lime bars at her wedding. I would even YELL ABOUT THEM THEY WERE SO GOOD!!!! I don't know if you can imagine me shaking with enthusiasm. Shaking my jiggly parts. I think I ate about 1000 calories in lime bars that day. and that is a conservative estimate.

Anyway I've been thinking a lot about food today for two reasons.
1. I haven't eaten any junk food. So it is all I can really logically think about.
2. John doesn't like most of the junk food I like. For example, he doesn't appreciate the beauty that is the Panera Bread valentine sugar cookie. He doesn't like Caramel corn. He also doesn't like Lemon bars.
who did I marry here? I think deep down in his soul he loves eating healthy food. It would probably be his dream to eat a healthy Tofu meal every night. Seriously he likes Tofu but not grape tomatoes. He claims they aren't good.
Wrong.
It feels good to know that I'm right about something. again.

Do you think I would have more willpower if I had this fantastic Photo from HoneyandJamPhotos on Etsy?
I Love this etsy shop- it has a bunch of food stuff in it. It reminds me of my sister in law Brooke who has a country style that is ADORABLE. She can totally pull of shabby chic and make it look more chick than shabby (unlike the person writing this post for example).

I couldn't stop thinking about Lemon Bars so I had to stop what I was doing and make a little poster about them. Nom Nom Nom.



So what have you been thinking about today? and I mean what have you been thinking about food...

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Sunday Thoughts: Marriage

My brain doesn't work right when I have a tension headache. Today I was talking to a girl at church who said she was about to get divorced. She said that she had been dating a guy who was close to getting his temple recommend then got married and realized he still smoked. She has a young baby and was very sick while she was pregnant. Her husband couldn't care for her so she went to stay with her parents. Now she doesn't want to go visit him for Christmas and he isn't getting leave. She seemed discouraged. I was sad for her.
I was also a little bit confused. Not because I doubted that she was unhappy- but because I wondered if you should stop trying if your spouse refuses to give up smoking or come to church. I don't doubt that in this woman's situation her relationship isn't good- especially after talking to her more. I just thought of how she wanted to explain her divorce by the fact that her husband says it's impossible to be in the military and mormon. As if him not wanting to be Mormon was a reason in itself. (this was not her entire story but I got sidetracked by that idea). I wonder if that is true for some people. Would you leave someone if they had different religious views that you did? If they refused to give up an addiction or smoking or friend? If you felt like they were a bad example for your children? I wonder how much that plays into someone's happiness or love. I've talked to a few women lately who have husbands with addictions. I wonder how I would feel if my husband came to me and told me he didn't want to be Mormon anymore. What if he wanted to start drinking? Do people who aren't Mormon think about things like this- if your spouse changed religions and you disagreed do you think it would destroy your marriage? If you are non religious are there behaviors that would destroy your relationship? I think it would be interesting to ask people because everyone seems to have different values.
I don't know why this one part of the conversation stuck out so much. Maybe because I didn't relate to her situation very much. I don't know anything about the military and marriage- I have a cousin that got married and her husband got deployed. He contacted her and asked for divorce and she never really found out why. I also have another cousin who seems quite happily married to a man in the military. It wasn't just about the military but about what a marriage "deal breaker" is.
What would be a marriage "deal breaker" for you- or do you have any?

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Marriage Excellence: Good Reads Positive Post #12

source

Have you ever read the book His Needs Her Needs? I like it. It talks about people's top ten emotional needs. You can rate what yours are- then it talks about how your needs will be different than your spouse's needs. For example Recreational Companionship, Familial Support, Communication, Admiration, Sex, Financial Support, Attractiveness, etc. I just realized I know they guy ones more than the girl ones. hmm... Anyway it has quizzes- which is super desirable in a relationship book.
I actually think it is one of my favorite relationship books. I like how it has so many ideas. I recommend it to people- but not without a warning that it isn't perfect.

What isn't perfect about it? The title. I've been working on some other ideas:

Each chapter of this beauty starts with an example story. That story? Why a couple had an affair. It must be mind blowing to be a therapist. So many different ways people screw over the people they used to love. Who can keep up? Therapists must live in constant fear that they are doing something wrong in their relationships.

You think you know how to love the opposite sex and make them happy. You are a fool. A huge fool. Every instinct you have will lead to their unhappiness. If you follow your gut, your spouse will have an affair.

Have you ever tried to be the perfect spouse? There are not enough hours in the day. Your spouse could doubtless do better. Or maybe you could. Good luck avoiding the affairs we describe!

Read anything that's improved your marriage lately?

End Positive Post #12

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Positive post # 4

Well today I realized I could post blog posts from my android phone which is pretty awesome. This post was made from my phone and photos taken on my phone. We visited Mark and Sara this weekend do which made me happy. We get to take breaks which for me means doing some kind of craft and for John means sitting on the couch and playing games on his phone.

I was heartbroken when I realized that all the recreational home improvement projects I wanted to do made my husband sad. This was a while ago and I think I already blogged about it. Why can't he get as excited about organizational products as I do? Luckily I have friends who understand that the container store turns me on a little bit but not in a sick way. How is it not exciting to have a perfectly organized closet with matching hangers and stacking sweater boxes? I don't know many people who own matching sweater boxes, but I love all the people who do. I am still surprised John doesn't think more about the perfect shoe rack design.

He also doesn't understand why I want a laminating machine. But he didn't understand the tile cutter desire at first either. I want to tile everything in my house. Also some things outside the house. I love tools. a lot.
I'm grateful for my friends. And my label machine.and of course my friends who love labelmakers. Or look at ideas for decorating their house. Sara always has good ideas with sources she's found online. If I had lots of money I am confident that Sara could help me spend it more intelligently.
And of course I am grateful my husband who will hold our grouchy and particular old man baby while sara and I work on the cricut. Seriously I am not complaining because I would never complain but sometimes I pray that baby Mark will be a little less "particular." Like not constantly crying in the car for several hours straight even though he should be falling asleep. When he gets tired sometimes he lays on his back- or sometimes that means he wants to nurse. Either way it's fun to have our newest family member also be our oldest man. Maybe I will make him a shirt labeling him as such.
Because nothing is more relaxing than making cool stuff.
What do you like to do when you get free time?

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.3

guess I still have to learn how to get the photos to orient themselves correctly.

End Positive Post #4 of 31

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Marriage Excellence: Chairs

Well once we got gifted Chairs from John's dad.
Then we forgot to take them with us when we moved to PA.
Then John's dad gave them to someone else because he figured we didn't want them if we didn't take them.
This reminds me of something a friend of mine talked about in marriage counseling: You don't get to decide how people spend their money.
But how unrealistic can that possibly be? Who hasn't been mad at their parents for getting a sibling a better birthday present or an expensive wedding? We need coping mechanisms.

Marriage Excellence tells us that we can't be responsible for how other people spend their money- Like if your in laws buy one person a house and not your spouse. Or a car or a set of furniture. Everyone has a right to spend their money how they want, so if you complain about it you are acting entitled to it, which is incorrect. To help with this, the Excellence plan has a few coping mechanisms.
1. You can criticize the item everyone else got all you want.
2. You could probably also criticize the people who got the item but that's dangerous. It's not their fault they are the favorites- you are lucky they don't laugh in your face about it. Unless they do.
3. You can make yourself a free shirt on Vista Print that says "I am my in laws least favorite."
4. You can talk about how you knew your mom was holding out on you because she wanted to give it to your other sister.
5. Finally- you can shop online and pretend to make bills and send them to your family.


I really think two of these chairs from Horchow would be such a bold choice for the front room- don't you? Total Bill $3,645.00

or this couch would look great :

Do you have any suggestions for Chairs? I wonder how hard it is to learn how to make Chairs.
During the Marriage excellence exercise you don't have to try to find the least expensive chairs so your family doesn't feel like you are trying to get them to spend a ridiculous amount of money on you. Just find the ones that are actually your favorite.

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Quality Time

I've noticed that I hate never seeing John since he is in school. He has only been back in school for one week. I'm not good at the adjustment period. All the nervousness about how stressful last year was is hard to remember so I'm trying to set simple goals and just get them done.
I know lots of women who never see their husbands. They see them less than I see John and their husbands are done with school.
These are the women who have no sympathy for me when I feel like I should mow the lawn myself and wish I could find someone who would do it for 25 dollars. or weed. They tell me I should just mow the lawn. Or put all the laundry away. Or take my children to many classes and organize my basement.
One of my friends has a husband in PA school. they have class almost 12 hours a day- she is pregnant and has a son.
One of the girls has a husband doing his residency. and four kids.
One of them has a husband that works nights- two kids
Another has a husband working to start up a company- four kids
Many of the others simply have husbands that seem to enjoy being at work more than at home.
I don't really feel like the women hang out with each other- they seem happy to be on their own. I am amazed at how much they get done. For some of them there is an end in sight- PA school only lasts two years. But I wonder about the women who will always have this. Does that make them sad? What do they talk to their husbands about? Some of them seem to not really like their husbands.
How much time do you need to feel connected to the person you are with? It's strange to me how part of having a family is how you divide your tasks. You can't do all the chores and work together- especially if you have children and you want to sleep.
I wonder how many people are truly happy and how many of them don't really care either way. I don't know if it comes down to an issue of how much quality time you need with the other person or how many interests you should have in common or what helps people be happy, but I think it's really important to feel like your family is succeeding.

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Marriage Excellence: Compromise

Every great relationship is based on compromise. One of my favorite examples of compromise is from one of my sisters. She wanted to live on the east coast. He wanted to live in Utah. They compromised and they live in Idaho.
and that is what compromise is all about- if you are both miserable at least you have something in common, right?
Husband and I have compromised a lot in life. I like to think of a few examples from recent history. I really wanted a barbecue- a great big shiny one with multiple burners and a smoking rack. Do I want a gas one? Maybe. I tell John. We compromised. We spend 8 dollars on a beautiful little unit at Target. The green one was a little prettier but it was 11 dollars. The disadvantage of this table beauty? If you put the cover on the coals go out.

Our other wonderful recent compromise involved getting a new car. Last summer he was going to work in a different state all week so we decided maybe we needed two cars. I wanted a mini van or SUV. I know I can fit my family in a smaller car but sometimes I want to be able to go somewhere with my friends with children and drive. It is nice to be able to drive and not take a separate car. In my husband's family it seems like once you have three children you have "earned" a larger car. At that time I had one child and was pregnant. Clearly, I wasn't meeting the quota. But someday I would have a bigger car.
We compromised and got a Prius. He tells me that we talked about it beforehand. This is how our conversations went.
Me: I want a big car. Maybe mini-van. I hear the Honda Odyssey is Good.
Him: I want a Prius.
Me: What about an SUV?
Him: I called about a Prius.
Me: A highlander?
Him: As long as it is as new as you want and costs as much as a Prius.
Me: How did you come up with this budget number?
Him: what about an electric car?
Me: I want a leather interior.
Him: I called about test driving a Prius.
We bought that Prius. No leather interior. My car stopped working shortly after that. John fixed it himself but it still didn't work reliably almost a year later. and the AC doesn't work.
The Prius is mine now.
Now that is real marital compromise. Even though I didn't want it I am taking it.

Some of the things that help us with our excellent compromises are these: What is the cheapest? That is probably going to win so don't even worry about it.
If that cheapest option fails then you can work up to what you would really want. But first you should spend a long time trying to make that cheaper option work. For example the 8 dollar grill doesn't actually work but John plans to drill some holes in the top so it doesn't extinguish. I am thinking about buying another broiler pan since when the grill goes out we broil things in the oven. Our subaru may have a non functioning alternator but if you only drive it a short distance in the winter that's OK- or after 8 or nine months of making that work you can take it in.

THE JOHN and Janae marriage program advocates keeping a Compromise Journal- draw a line down the middle of a regular journal and put one name in each column. When you feel like you have compromised in favor of your spouse write it in the journal on their name. For example if you hate the ugly man couch your husband got you at DI when you said you wanted a couch you can write it in his column. If you wanted to save 100 dollars a month for each child and it happens you can write it in your column.
The compromise tracker can help with lots of things. Maybe you didn't realize you were making a compromise- maybe you didn't really want that kitchen table so you won't get it, thus getting a costly tally. Or maybe you will have a day of evening the scores.

I am still waiting for that day. John hasn't been keeping score so I am way ahead.
I can't be responsible for his log entries after all...

What is your favorite compromise?

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Religion and Marriage Excellence

Religion can help you achieve the highest level of awesomeness in the Janae and John Marriage Excellence plan. I love my church but I don’t think we have any monopoly on marital happiness. The John and Janae Excellence program would have to discard and even scorn these misconceptions.

For example, one of my friends assumed that her marriage decision to marry in an LDS temple, where they teach you that your marriage will extend beyond the grave, would help her in everyday communication with her husband.

Oh dear friend, how wrong you were.

Think not of what your religion will do for you, but what fun you can have with a little creative editing of your religion. Some think that re-arranging the words of church leaders to change their meaning is the first part of apostasy. Others will say that it is what the devil does to lead you away. I will tell you it is also a super funny marital activity.

Really, if you take your religion and yourself all that seriously in marriage you will break under all the pressure. If you don’t, your spouse is lying to you about your capabilities. The people who are the most confident in their correctness and righteousness in marriage are also the most deluded.

One of my least favorite religious sermons on marriage came from the Ensign in May of 2003. I think with a little editing I learned something profoundly important about how my religion has changed my marriage.

“As is common today, when we married she registered with a local department store. Instead of listing all the pots and pans and appliances we needed and hoped to receive, she chose another course. She asked for silverware. She chose a pattern and the number of place settings and listed knives, forks, and spoons on the wedding registry and nothing else. No towels, no toasters, no television—just knives, forks, and spoons. The wedding came and went. Our friends and our parents’ friends gave gifts. We departed for a brief honeymoon and decided to open the presents when we returned. When we did so, we were shocked. There was not a single knife or fork in the lot. ...

My Wife….never went to the many ward dinners she cooked, or never accompanied the many meals she made and sent to others who were sick or needy. It never went on picnics and never went camping. In fact it never went anywhere; and, as time went by, it didn’t even come to the table very often. Some of our friends were weighed in the balance, found wanting, and didn’t even know it…. Eternal Marriage is just like that. We need to treat it just that way.”

Lessons from this religious parable:

1. No one gets what they register for
2. That doesn't mean you won't eventually get it. They don't give those registry completion discounts for nothing.
   
3. My mom didn’t want to go camping, and my dad certainly never went on any marital picnics. Probably because it was actually against their religion. Now I know why.
   
4. No spouse in their right mind makes the same pie for their small family that they will make for a group.
5. These days no one comes to the table to eat when they could be watching T.V.

Could this famous sermon be why my mom started getting us silverware when we were 12? Maybe you got a barbie or some other age appropriate present, but I could start the judging and balancing before I was even in a relationship. and that is an eternal perspective if I ever saw one.

Want to achieve marriage excellence? Find you own personal sermon on marriage. Seriously feel free to leave it as a comment. Also, remember to use the silverware at your wedding. For eating that super expensive food.

Quotation taken from Elder F Burton Howard of the Seventy “Eternal Marriage” Ensign 2003. Out of context.

Silverware Image source here

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My Birthday: Marriage Excellence Journals

Today is my birthday. last night baby Mark slept through the night the first time ever. He went to bed at 11:00. He is still asleep.
I just died a little of happiness.
So it's time for a new installment of- John and Janae's Marriage Excellence Program! Because marriage totally rocks. especially compared to being single in college.

A Journal-

A journal can be a beautiful thing. I just listed a Keep calm and carry on journal/notebook in my shop You can write about your dreams, your thoughts, your loves. You can record when your children played and how much you love your life. Now my church always tells people to keep track for your posterity. keep a journal, record your life.
This reminds me of a time when I was trying to tell John he always responds badly in a fight. He asked for specific details. Seriously most people can't remember the exact conversations they had about fighting. Well they can't remember them a few months later but what about if you kept a daily log? Could my religious institution be guiding me toward marital excellence by recording specific times? How much more valid would my complaint that he "never puts his shoes away" be if I had a log of every time I put those suckers in the closet?
It's time to be a record keeping people. For the sake of your marriage- write down when these fights happen. Saying "we always fight about dishes" doesn't mean anything if you haven't kept a record.
The John and Janae Program actually advocates three journals, the record keeping journal is the first of these. You know your spouse has asked you what the heck you are talking about in a fight- now you will be able to tell them.

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Sunday Thoughts

image from lavishbodyhome.com I WANT THIS CHAIR. but I want the 350 dollars it costs more. especially since I don't have it.

Today I dropped my baby girl off at Mark and Sara's and we drove back home. I made it in time for the church meeting I needed to go to. So what did I think about making? A list of things that I want for mother's day/my birthday.
I think it has been interesting thinking about how we come to marriage with different expectations. My first memory of Christmas with John's family was everyone getting an over sized gift bag with no tissue paper in it. The bags were identical with red poinsettias. John's oldest sister opened up the present and showed everyone and then John's dad asked for all the bags back so he could use them again the next year.
I had only been married for four days. Probably we should have just spent Christmas with each other. I will never forget the shocking impression- what the heck was this? Not the heavily steeped in tradition Christmas that I was used to. We all had our own colored wrapping paper for the presents under the tree and a coordinating print for our stockings.

Early on John and I realized we would need to plan our own traditions and meet somewhere in the middle. Or maybe even more detailed than anything we've ever known before.
Traditions for Mother's day and my birthday are also still in development. Part of me wants some grand gesture- like a fancy chair I've always wanted or some fancy jewelry.
Then I think about all the progress we've made with our budget.
Guess I'll just have to live out my dreams on out little blog.

Some fun Birthday Ideas and mother's day ideas. I hate that my first mother's day ever fell on my birthday. YUCK.

• I like it when John make's me Red Velvet Cake. I love Red Velvet cake- my grandma makes it, my aunt Michelle makes it. wouldn't a mini cake look great on a little cake plate from vesselsandwares.etsy.com?
• a fancy anything from lavishbodyhome.com
• a massage- there is a great girl at alexander's spa that I like. Wow they have some terrible reviews online. I like that girl though. Doesn't that seems like something that should happen on mother's day? I still have bad back pain from after Mark was born. sigh. today Diane showed me something that will probably help- it's awesome to have friends that do physical therapy.
• My family used to let you pick what food mom made you on your birthday- how cool. Too bad it's TONS of work. I think my mom was trying to make these holidays impossible to live up to.
• Fabric- oh how I love fabric. If i love it too much I can't sew with it because I have to keep it. I like the orange minky from minkydelight.com and I always do a google search for good coupon codes. Fabric.com also always has great deals and coupon codes. I am also totally in love with Echino Japanese fabric and little Japanese ribbons. Mountain of the Dragon is a great place to get the fabric. I had some Echino Damask fabric but it is out of print. and so, so many others....but fabric is a difficult present for a birthday- and would it offend people if I just kept it in a box on my desk? Maybe...
• my sister in law made a turquoise serving bowl I want- I have a similar one and would die to have two. her little etsy shop needs tons of support. I love the idea of supporting family and giving things to each other- like buying my sister in laws hair things from my sister for their birthdays. (so tell me what you like guys.)
• I love shoes- I am size 8 and a half.
• I love photography- I would like to take a class and learn how to really do it someday. Wouldn't it be nice to sign someone up for a photography class? Or a dental hygienist program? I would love that.
  
• I would love to have a room in the house painted.
• I would love ANYTHING from ZGallerie.com How cool is that place. also they have greek key bedding- which makes me die a little from happiness.
• how about a Jade bird bowl from Jonathan Adler. Or any of his white pieces. ZGallerie has some cheaper ones too. I would love a rhino on my mantle- or even a ceramic deer. I don't know if John would go for that- and my funkiness might decrease with time... it's so nice to collect the things I want and write them down- what a nice row of happiness.
  

well this idea list will have to be continued tomorrow. I am crazy tired.

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Marriage Course Lesson 2- Competition

People say that competition is bad. The John and Janae Marriage Rocks program begs to differ. Competition is awesome. Hello- how long have the Olympics been around? A Long Time. Because being the best is totally worth it.
Now sometimes competition can be bad for a marriage- like when you are competing to see who can go the longest without putting laundry away. Believe me I have tried that and it never goes well for me. I have had much more luck with who can ignore the dishes longer. This winning spirit made me a little embarrassed when my sister in law came to visit and did all my dishes. Embarrassed and thrilled.
Our course recommends against competing with each other, and turns rather to a couple's style competition. Like the amazing race which I have never watched so it might not actually be like that. Don't compare everything, just pick extra special things.
After people leave your home you can say to the closed door "Our marriage totally kicks your marriage's A@#." No joke. Your husband is your best friend? Her husband is "the best friend, companion, lover, and husband in the world for me." ? Well that reminds me of a song by Akon about his Homie, Lover, Friend. How exactly do you know your husband is the best lover? There is no Olympics for that I hope. Is your husband really your best friend? You also claimed he was the cheapest man on the planet.
One word people: Bestest.
I remember visiting a friend who lived in an apartment with Newlyweds downstairs. Extremely loud newlyweds. They like to yell. Once when we were visiting the scandalous noise started almost right after they told us how awkward it was. He turned to her and said "oh we could take them." Yes, experience and competition.
This competition can be dangerous though, as I learned when I was told that my husband did more household chores than most husbands. Shame on you, other husbands. This is not the true spirit of competition. Do you do more chores than every husband in the world? Maybe not.
It is said that Shakespeare could not have created his works in a different society. London was one of the most critical theater going environments at his time. If people aren't performing you just can't compete against them and rise to marital greatness. The Gold Medal of happiness and togetherness.
John and I are better at talking about feelings.
John and I are better at not favoring each other in games.
John and I are better at getting each other awesome gifts.
John and I are better at painting.
John and I are better at managing our children.
John and I are better at speaking German.
John and I have a better insurance rate.
John and I are better at saving for our children.
John and I are better drivers.

All of these things apply to different couples, but are true.

For this experience write down the names of all of your couple friends. Now write one sentence of what you do better than they do.
If you come across a name you can't think of anything for, fall back on being better homies.


image source: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/2009/10/01/2009-10-01_global_warming_could_make_2016_olympics_the_last_games.html

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Five Years

John and I celebrated our anniversary December 21. We have been married five years. It blows my mind that we are married. Every now and then I ask him if he can believe we are married. He says yes. I guess I am just a little slow on the uptake. Our anniversary was great because it was really relaxed and nice. Like John.
I went through and found some of my favorite photos from our wedding day. I really like the picture of us by the temple doors because we look good but not 10 years old like we look in all the other pictures. I was 23 when I got married but John was only 21. People still think he is in his teens. I loved the picture of my grandma and grandpa Berg because grandpa was so healthy. John sang me a song at our wedding and it was beautiful. We got married on winter solstice and I think it is funny to joke around about it being the darkest day of the year. There was a blizzard the day of our wedding. It was freezing. 21 other couples got married in the Salt Lake Temple that day.
My only regret? I didn't get my stuff together in time to have beautiful wedding favors at our wedding. It's like me and Christmas cards now.

marriage stats:
Pets:10
Boaz (gone with the great pregnancy parrot purge) African Grey 14 years old
Austin STILL HERE!
Taylor (allergic to pennsylvania- went crazy with allergy problems)
Mayli (see great parrot purge) African Grey 2 years old
Bedford (died at 14 weeks old- heartworm)
Simon- (I am allergic to cats) the best orange tabby ever to live
Maya- (died of autoimmune disorder) a sad sickly black cat I fell in love with. She hated me.
we also fostered Jackson and Jax and Lexi. Jax tried to kill our parrots.
We clearly don't have great luck with pets.
Children - one boy and one girl. we have better luck with children than pets.
Weddings we've seen- 6
Moves-6
College degrees- 3 (2 undergraduate 1 masters)
I learned to quilt
I have my first car ever.

Here are five things I like that John does. He only gets five this year.
5. John sometimes acts like he has a British accent. His accent is TERRIBLE. But it is really funny because he knows it is terrible and sometimes it morphs into an old man accent which he is much better at.
4. John is an optimist. I think he believes in people being good, which is increasingly rare.
3. John is a hard worker. I didn't really think about how this would become what I consider the most important characteristic to look for in a spouse. I love that I feel like we work equally hard.
2. John knows how to have fun. He reminds me that sometimes we need to go to the movies or hang out and do nothing.
1. John is good at change. He adjusts quickly which is a good thing since a lot has changed in our five years of marriage.

John is proving to be a worthy opponent. I like it.

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Spouse Wars

Lots of married people fight. I remember being shocked after being married a few weeks and seeing my brother and sister in law punch each other in the bottom or leg really hard then run away. Apparently nothing says love like a slug on the arm. I am not really in to the physical fights, and if your voice is even a tiny bit loud I consider it yelling, which is an offence punishable by death. Don't get me wrong though. John and I are in a war, but there are no bruises.

You could also call it a war of attrition because that is an awesome word. The war has to do with just a few areas of the house. I call them battle zones. One of them is at the foot of the stairs. It is the tie battle zone. Starting just a few short months ago when I got john this fantastic Burberry tie on clearance at Nordstrom. I noticed that John frequently hangs up his ties at the bottom of the stairs on the banisters. Now we frequently put things at the bottom of the stairs to take upstairs but the ties don't move. And I'm not moving them.

The second zone is the piano. Now the actual zone used to be the couch in and the coffee table but I have decided to move the zone. Whenever I see any of John's school stuff on the coffee table or floor I move it to the piano. Like the momentum of putting it on the piano will get it put away. Oh wait- I forgot a book about applied sas programming- more things. I try to fill up the whole piano without mentioning anything. In the photo you will see a custom designed deck of cards that says "Love" on it. That's what I am showing here. Love. The true measure of how much your spouse loves that present you got them is if it gets put away in a logical place or if it just lives on the kitchen table where they got it for the rest of its life. My favorite war zone is the kitchen. John does the dishes which I think is awesome because everyone in the world hates doing dishes and I fall in that category. But he doesn't like putting the dirty dishes in the sink, he puts them on the counter. At this war zone I put all the dishes I can find not only on the counter but the entire house in the sink. Hopefully there are some oversized items so I can have the level of the dishes be higher than the faucet. I wait to see if I get any comments. Sometimes I pout about it, or act shocked that I can't find any knives when they are all dirty. I know because I used all of them the second they were clean in a chopping frenzy. Nothing makes you want to make dirty dishes like an empty sink.

So I sit and wait. Because someday the ties will disappear and the dishes won't be on the counter. Someday Danielle won't be able to eat his homework on the coffee table. Or I will have to start stage 2- hiding. John has enough shoes that this part of the war could take weeks before it comes to a head.

It's all part of my plan to drive John insane.

And that is what true love is all about.

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