Cookie sunday.
You might lose your house to foreclosure and not have a way to pay all your bills, but cookies make everything better.
Sunday Thoughts
Ten Thoughts for this Sunday.
1. I love laminating. I think we should laminate more. When I was doing my student teaching I discovered I could get the library to laminate things for me. Then my teacher told me we had to pay for that out of the curriculum budget, unlike all the other copies. Good thing she had a huge savings- sorry lead teacher! But I still love me some melted plastic.
2. Also love- gift bags. Turns out I own quite a few of them. I wanted to buy some on Friday because they were on sale at Target and I stopped myself. Because I don't need any more bags. I don't think I actually need any. but they are so pretty.
3. I went and saw the vow. It was fun. Not a great movie but I did almost cry several times. The more children I have the more feelings I seem to develop. I decided I need to go back to book club or something so I have something to talk about, other than etsy and my new baby. or maybe I just need to find a scranton etsy mom- I bet I could. Etsy rules.
5. My kids are cute when they play nice. They put their stuffed animals to bed. Also Elmo spends a lot of time in the corner in time out. I don't think I put them in time out to warrant the amount of negative attention poor little Elmo is getting.
6. I think writing a blog is boring. not boring- pinterest. Hello awesome! I didn't even realize how cool pinterest could be. It's like filling up a shopping cart and pretending you are going to buy it, but from lots of different stores. http://pinterest.com/claireandjanae/ oh my I like some people's taste a lot.
7. I really need a new zig zag foot for my pfaff. It is making me crazy. I don't want to drive the hour it takes to get to a pfaff store. Especially not with the three kiddos. Even though they are good, they aren't that good. I wish the pfaff website had a store, or your could buy the feet at joann's. Love my sewing machine- once again don't love Scranton, since one of the many things they don't have is a pfaff store.
8. Andrew is probably our easiest kid. He has to go to the doctor a lot and he doesn't like that but he pretty reliably sleeps at least six hours. Holy lucky me. I could see how people would have lots of kid if they were all like this. That being said, I still feel a bit like a zombie. A lot. He's still a baby after all, and babies are high maintenance. Good thing they are also so adorable. I need to clean my house, it is oppressing me. Maybe I should just throw away all those messy kid toys...
10. I was watching the view in the waiting room at the doctors office for Andrew and they were talking about how Obama made a comment about taxes and referred to the scriptures where much is given, much is required. One of the girls didn't like it. At first I really related to that comment, because I feel like you should want to help other people. Then I sort of understood where she was coming from, because I don't know if I feel like government should control your religious practice. In Germany the church can automatically take taxes from your paycheck like the government. It seems so tidy and easy, but very foreign for me since America really pounds the separation of church and state. It's odd when you go somewhere else and realize how much this huge issue is a non-point other places. Still not sure how I feel about the whole thing, except that I might still be a little too sleep deprived to consider moral implications in politics. I think I need more friends who like to talk about this kind of stuff.
and like board games. Seriously miss the board game club where I lived before. I didn't necessarily like those people or have much in common except the love of board games. on the down side I came pretty close to learning to play magic, and paint some of my board game figurines. Confirming that it is time to embrace my inner geek a little more.
How was your Sunday? Read more...
Sunday thoughts: sleepy style
Today we went to church. I made a mental note of a few things for next week.
Bring two outfit changes for baby. One was not enough this week.
Bring a burp cloth and don't leave it in the car.
Straight iron the back of my hair not just the front, because it looks funny and blows the illusion that you are on top of things if you forget the back.
Claire left early this morning and I already miss her. John woke up at four to bring her to the airport so I went to church with the kiddos.
Miraculously, I got to listen to most of the meeting.
I'm hoping for a second miracle where I get to sleep...
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what's Up?
Most days I feel like the baby will literally fall out of me. Then I realize this is impossible, if I remember labor correctly it feels like a cross between death and some other horrible fate where you wish you were dead.
something like that. Maybe i will go run a marathon tonight. John tells me with my luck I would just be uncomfortable and go well past my due date. He is probably right.
I distract myself from all this positive thinking by pondering things I could get for Christmas if I was totally rich. Other than a deck there are a lot of cool things out there. Things I will probably never own but like to think about.
More things I want:
Cooling racks
wire whisk.
my mom tells me I need these things.
She is right.
A bookshelf.
a pedicure.
a ticket on southwest.
to visit my grandma again. I love visiting her. She is amazing.
I just realized the other day I haven't really been paying attention to Christmas- since I am totally unprepared for it. Now there are no more pink fijits in the world, so Danielle will be a sad girl.
John finally sent me a list:
USMLE Step 2 Secrets by Theodore X O’Connell and Adam Brochert (Newest version – it’s blue)
Basic Ophthalmology for Medical Students and Primary Care Residents by Cynthia A. Bradford
Practical Ophthalmology: A Manual for Beginning Residents by Fred M. Wilson
Paula Poundstone – I Heart Jokes
Aziz Ansari – intimate moments for a sensual evening
Other awesome comedy cd’s or books on cd
Amazon.com credit
you guessed it- I am buying him cologne and a sweater. Maybe I'll sign him up to run a tough mudder race.
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Sick
So maybe I didn't just barf all night last night since I am pregnant. I'm grateful to Carrie for watching Danielle at church. Mark got another bath and asked for his pajamas.
Now it's cuddle time for our little old man.
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Sunday Thoughts.
Today was the first Sunday of the Month. So people weren't eating or aware of their own bad breath. I think that the knowledge that they have bad breath is completely buried by hunger. Today I noticed someone and they were a little older. I told John about almost giving them a mint but then deciding it would be rude to offer (normally I probably would but blah blah I didn't). So I sat in the hall and ate the last Milky Way Halloween candy bar (fun sized) and thought about if I needed to go get myself a mint. I was cleaning out the primary closet and avoiding the 100 degree primary room, but that didn't mean I wasn't eating candy and taking advantage of my awesome pregnant status.
Anyway John pointed out that the person in question was pretty old when I said they had bad breath.
"maybe she is just fasting and has impaired personal breath radar." I replied.
"You know what I've learned about old people in medical school?..."
pause...
"what?"
"Many of them are full of cabbage. This can lead to their breath smelling bad."
John totally got me. I thought we were learning something new about age related halitosis. Instead we had to ponder if all old people are full of cabbage or just German old people.
I think part of a successful marriage is based on telling them something with a straight face that is complete bollix. John and I have personally invested a great deal of energy in this endeavor. Together we make up some of the best stuff ever.
OK sometimes you fail and your spouse says "that's not funny." but at least you tried. or maybe if you are me you hurt their feelings and then realize that you shouldn't have tried to make a joke because in addition to being slightly overemotional when you are pregnant you are also NOT FUNNY ANYMORE.
assuming I was ever funny to people other than myself. which I am. or was. or whatever.
I'm finally excited to have a little ball of cuddle, but I've entered the stage of pregnancy where I am despairing about the length of time I have left. I'm also really worried that I won't be able to work enough to earn money to pay our bills. You know- that whole mortgage thing we get to pay.
Why did we ever get a mortgage? it comes mostly with lots of pressure and also yard work. In seven more months we will have lived here for three years and will be able to sell it without losing our tax rebate.
I'm not sure if that makes me want to move, or just want to hide under a blanket on the couch. Or in my loving, supportive bed.
either way if you are ever bored and want to help me de-clutter, I am completely unmotivated without someone else there to push things along.
I think I can blame the pregnancy for that too, right? Or maybe just the overexposure to cabbage today.
Sunday Thoughts
I've reached that beautiful point where I am really sick of being pregnant but still have a depressingly long time left. Luckily two people have asked me why I haven't had my baby yet which is so stupid of them I don't know how to respond. Seriously, when you get around pregnant people I think people forget to hold back on the stupid.
It makes me want to take a nap. Danielle tells me that she has scripture power running through her whole body, and that's why she has the energy to run all over all day. I guess I am low on scripture power these days.
Here are some great names that we can't use for various reasons-
Some of these names I probably would never pick on my own anyway...
Henry- taken by John's brother
Edward- Mark and Sara took it
Barrack- the president. Now everyone would think our child was Muslim.
Stephen- the inevitable fight between Stephen and Steven. He would have an uncle Steve and my friend Jen will have an ex husband Stephen. and I have an ex uncle Steve of unknown spelling. Stephen Colbert is really cool though.
Brennan- I liked this name a lot but three of my family members said they hate it and I felt a little bad. especially since two of them are the family members who send my kids most of their clothing.
Erik or Roger- two sets of divorced parents here.
Finnegan- John likes it and everyone says it is "cool" when I mention it. I don't like it. Sorry Dana, but we aren't Irish like you are.
Daniel- already used it in female form
Jacob- thanks for ruining that for me, twilight... I think I would want to spell it Jakob. it's just cool.
I still like the name Tristan a lot.
We finally made it through the name book. now we get to compile all the names and discover which were highlighted in an overexposed state of desperation.
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| Mark loves cookie monster and Elmo. and his shark shirt. |
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| Danielle loves the bento boxes at aunt Sara's house. |
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| Also loves- her butterfly dress, which she always wears if it is clean. |
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| Mark and Danielle played outside with uncle Jim, but failed to look normal in any pictures with him. Mark wants that rocker Elmo for Christmas. |
I miss visiting my Grandma and Mark and Sara. Read more...
Sunday Thougts...
Baby Mark turned two on Sunday. He still seems like my little baby to me. We celebrated Saturday since John had to work Sunday and it was so nice to see our little family together. It was a little hard for me not to plan a huge party with friends but Mark isn't as social as Danielle so I think he had a good day. He likes other kids but if we have too many over Mark goes and plays alone. mark got a Hokey Pokey Elmo. and some pets that he has been carrying with him ever since. He got clothes. He was a happy boy. Since he loves Elmo lately we had an Elmo themed family party.
There was much joyful yelling.
After cake and presents Mark was a tired boy. the elmos we also put down for a nap in the play tunnel. In our family we have a tradition that when it is your birthday you get everyone presents and Danielle was thrilled with the idea. Also happy about: Mark doesn't like to rip open the presents to she got to do it. Parties are a big deal to Danielle. She even changed her clothes to prepare for the party- I guess she wanted a "party dress."
On Mark's actual birthday I was having a rough day (read: barfy pregnant lady) and three people came over- Adrienne did my dishes and I almost cried. Then Carrie came and the kiddos got to play. Then Stephanie came and we all had fun. It was so nice to have people over when John was gone all day. For some reason I'm unbelievably tired. My doctor said it was normal when you had a parasite of this size lol. I don't know how some moms do it-I wish I lived closer to family a lot of the time. but I'm glad I have friends.
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| tired from partying so hard |
My mom asked for lots of photos, so here they are. Also you might notice that Halloween has started in our family. I love Halloween. More decorations will be added. I like to check out Halloween decorations after the season is over- but this year the decorations are sadly lacking. I guess that's what happens when the economy is struggling. Read more...
Sunday Thoughts
Yesterday at church Danielle told everyone in Primary her mom did drugs. I guess they were having a lesson about what to put in your body. I'm glad I could help with the lesson. I'm still not sure if Danielle knows the different between illegal "drugs" and "medicine" from your doctor, even though the teacher tried to explain it. Probably my fault there... At least she didn't come home and tell me how bad I was for taking drugs.
This is not to be confused with her offer to show other people her boobs. This was the second time this week, so I decided I should tell her you normally don't show people your boobs. She seemed disappointed that boobs weren't something to share. I'm disappointed that I taught my child to say "boobs" so strongly. Maybe I should have used some odd euphemism so people would just be confused and think the silly child is trying to take her clothes off for no reason. Also I have no idea where she would come up with this stuff. She complimented someone's boobs the other day. I don't think any small child has ever told me I had nice boobs before. This can't be a common practice.
It was actually adorable, which is good since his dance routing was accompanied by a lot or yelling. as is much of Mark's monster lifestyle.
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I love teeth: Sunday Thoughts about the last few months when I have been missing from life
so far so good. With our new million billion dollar insurance we have dental coverage and we didn't even have to pay for her checkup (although if she had cavities this might have been different because it's not a huge yearly allowance- I don't even thing it would cover one of my average visits.)
I hate having cavities. Also on my bad list- pregnancy gingivitis, which I totally have. My gums bleed every time I think about brushing my teeth. It just makes me want to floss more, honestly. So when I took Danielle to the dentist (OK honestly I think it was in MAY) she loved her bag of stickers and her pink balloon. She also liked brushing the teeth of the stuffed animals. I was so proud of her for sitting still and being polite for the dentist- and I was happy she wanted to wear her heart shirt that I made for her. She showed me her clean teeth just like she showed the dentist.
If I raise her right maybe she will be a dentist someday. Read more...
Sunday Thoughts
I think a lot of the time people just give you more work because they can, not because it is necessary or productive. I get to work with someone like that occasionally. Yes I COULD do that but I don't want to and you wouldn't do yourself, you just like to take everyone else's energy. It reminds of me a few of my pregnancy rules:
1. Don't make important life decisions while pregnant. Unless you want to end your marriage with Charlie Sheen, you probably aren't in the right frame of mind to make important life decisions. and even then I have no idea, I've never met him.
2. Don't tell people when they do frustrating things.
3. Never confront a friend about anything.
4. If something bothers you, don't tell them.
5. It's OK for moms to have time outs too.
6. When people ask if they can do anything, they don't mean it.
7. Pregnancy makes people seem crazy- remember that and think about what you say at all times.
8. Just because you are REALLY hungry for doughnuts doesn't mean you should eat doughnuts.
9. DO NOT EAT EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO- people who tell you that pregnancy means you can eat whatever you want clearly didn't want to eat much while pregnant, or they would weigh a billion pounds.
10. Hiding your pregnancy from people might make you feel powerful and cool, but it really is only cool to you, because most other people are either mad at you for being so weird or just don't care.
So I guess all my pregnancy rules involve me getting bothered by nothing and trying not to do anything about it. I feel like I have all this extra negative energy. The first time I would yell at my mom a lot- the second time John. I'm trying not to this time but honestly the first time I realized I was pregnant was the day I yelled at Danielle that I quit being her mom if she was going to keep whining at me. Today I tried to remember my pregnancy rules as something bothered me that I can't blog about because it really just bothered me because I was jealous I didn't think of it first. In a disgusted sort of way. It's gotten me into trouble before- I think I tried to pick a fight with Brooke when I was pregnant with Mark and I totally got pissed at my little sister in this pregnancy. Maybe I just get bored and need someone to be mad at. Or all the injustice in the world. It's just one of those times when I'm not entirely sure my feelings are valid and I'm even a little bit sure I wouldn't have them if I wasn't a little nauseated and tired. My doctor said it was normal to be WAY more tired because last time I didn't have as many kids. HOW IN THE WORLD DO PEOPLE HAVE SO MANY CHILDREN? I really don't know how my mom survived it all.
maybe I should yell at her about it :-)
Anyway we went strawberry picking this weekend and it was so much fun. Mark really liked some of the gross berries and Danielle and I made Freezer Jam and Strawberry pie. The strawberries were smaller than the last place I went and a little more- gross I guess- I just don't know that the strawberry fields in Scranton are as good as the ones in Souderton. But the kids still loved riding the tractor, and Mark knows how to say "robot" which is adorable. We wore our robot shirts from BOTODESIGNS so he could say the words over and over again. He loved it. But Danielle had to pick my pink robot shirt and wear a white dress.
perfect strawberry picking outfit- right?
All I really want are some minions that love me and follow me with cult like adoration. Is that too much to ask?
Sunday Thoughts: father's day
Today is father's day. Or as I like to think of it- second string mother's day. Since I've decided I can't go to church today I'll never know if the dads get flowers for pens with flowers on them like we did. When I was growing up sometimes they would get candy. No moms ever got candy though. When I was younger the candy seemed cooler but now I want the flowers. I love putting flowers in my yard. I imagine some years it was like my birthday when they went to church thinking they were getting a prize from the prize jar in primary but they weren't. Mother's day was always ruining my birthday- even when it wasn't on my birthday it was ruining my at church prizes.
anyway I like my dad in all his crazy advice giving glory. I liked working at his law firm when I was growing up.
and I like my husband. He likes his kids and always spends lots of time with them. Everyone in his family seems like they are super involved parents. I think that is rare for Mormon men- it seems like culturally they practice ignorance about child rearing and don't know their children. I seem to be in the minority that doesn't worry about leaving their children with "their father." ANYWAY that's a separate post but I was always worried my husband wouldn't love our kids and I'm super glad he does. He has always helped take care of their physical needs and played with them and talked to them. He taught Danielle how to write her numbers the other day.
I'm glad he wants to take care of his family and wants to make a good living to support them financially. It's fun that Danielle wants to be a doctor someday- and a mom. We have two kiddos and they both love their dad.
I like to take pictures of John eating I guess.Happy Father's Day!
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Sunday Thoughts
remind me to call my friend who is a photographer in Boston to come up sometime next week while we are still in New Hampshire. My mom offered to watch the kiddos so I could go visit. Heck yes. We are so cute I don't know why we don't have thousands of photographers asking to take our photos for free. Also, never been recruited for a reality television show. Not even biggest loser. But of course I also maybe want another picture and Grandma doesn't seem as thrilled about the 30 minute trip as I am :-)
Sunday Thoughts on Tuesday
Well today I went to church for an activity. I even wore a bonnet. The activity talked about remembering the pioneers and making sure we took the time to take care of our spiritual development. I liked it.
I know- it's amazing that I went. there was a fantastic cake though, and I worked out enough to get points for that cake. I was a little appalled by the song about the nine year old freezing to death (I guess maybe that gets the emotions going but I thought it was in poor taste) but I like the idea of remember the important things in life.
Do you think maybe it is exploiting religion to write about a girl freezing to death from the perspective of that girl? Or just really creepy?
OK I should really let it go, but I felt like I must be an alien since no one else gasped in shock when it started. and I was narrating a part so I was sitting in the front of the church trying not to make faces. Some ladies cried, which I can also understand. Overall I'm not in any danger of going out and buying the CD of "inspirational" music. Maybe I'm just not the right target for "Mormon" music.
Or Mormon art, but at the risk of getting a little too crazy sounding I won't talk about that.
Instead I think I should mention that I'm trying to be healthy and lose weight.
so that's all I get to do. I got an OMRON pedometer and I try to take 10,000 steps a day (which contrary to what someone told me today you DO NOT get just from chasing kids- unless you also happen to go on two 1.5 mile walks with those kids each day in addition to cleaning up after the kids and cleaning your house. then again her house is REALLY clean so maybe...) and I also have been tracking my food with weight watchers (except when I went to the wedding because HELLO that's no fun). and I've been working on the Jillian Michaels Winning by Losing book. She has some really great circuit training routines. You might think to yourself- gosh I haven't seen Janae in a while. Because this is literally all I can do. I eat healthy and work out like a maniac and lose very little weight. I still love you guys. and I still think about lemon bars a lot. if you ever want to come over and walk around my neighborhood or work in my yard for more steps that would be fun. Or we could watch dancing with the stars. or if any of you would ever join the gym I go to we could go ever day. OK realistically only 5-6 times a week. Some days I walk on my treadmill with the options of a 10% and 20% incline. It makes my legs sore.
Some things just don't work out quite how we would wish- like my dream that Michelle would be the next bachelorette. Now I will look forward to watching boring ashley H or whatever her name was but I hope they don't get as many douche-bag guys as they sometimes do. It seems like they are having a hard time casting good people- celebrity apprentice has a way cooler cast than dancing with the stars.
p.s. today my omron pedometer dropped an entire day somehow- they claim I took 0 steps today. I am so mad I want to spit. Maybe I will get 20,000 tomorrow. it's just a problem with the management software not the actual pedometer... I hope it works itself out.
Sunday Thoughts
Well today I went to church with two kids. While John was out of town. I had my hair back in a ponytail and wore flats. I almost put on under eye concealer. and I didn't even change Mark's outfit, which I realized halfway through sacrament meeting had food on it. Since I'm such a contentious parent I fed my kids girl scout cookies and pop tarts during the meeting. I also fed Mark an entire container of pomegranate Greek yogurt.
You can imagine I was not happy about how I looked. Or the fact that I probably seemed a little harried, which blows my graceful mom image.
At least my knee high nylons didn't have holes in them.
I thought I had a child that was afraid of people and wouldn't wander off but today he proved that even if you don't necessarily like other people you can still run away. I wish he understood that it is not a fun game to run away. and I just wish I had worn a fantastic necklace and high heels but I still can't scrub that nasty band aid sticky off my foot and I don't want to make it bleed.
Worst of all: I forgot my pedometer so even though I chased Mark all over I still won't have very many steps. as in I had no recorded steps as of 1:00 P.M. Today.
But you could imagine if I was the perfect mom, the day would have gone differently.
I would have woken up early and made my children and omelet for breakfast, with egg whites and lots of vegetables. They would happily eat it and not beg for shows.
I would have given Danielle a bath when I realized I couldn't comb the snarls out of her hair- which would be fine because I would have laid out my outfit the day before.
We would read scriptures together and head off for church, arriving 15 minutes early. My children would sit quietly and color in their coloring books. Mark would sit on my lap and cuddle with me as we listened to the talks. Then Danielle and Mark would head to primary where everything would go well. I think Mark would be wearing his Nordstrom suit. (he has one but I never manage to get it on him) I would have made him a matching tie with fun colors. I wouldn't have been tempted to just post a picture of the children sulking in the corner that didn't want their photo taken.
My toenails would be painted, and I would have straightened my hair.
I think I would have been wearing my red Kate Spade Dress.
I think this Kate Spade Dress is Darling. Perfect with her tights and a coat.
maybe I would wear my brown boots from Fluevog today.
I think I would bring my purse from Eight Seasons on Etsy.
I've worked with Threadrare before to make great hair things, and i would get her to make a perfectly matching red flower for my hair. I do love red.
I would keep the jewelry simple with a Louis Hill Pendant Necklace
and of course wear my Chanel makeup, which my children have not destroyed.
I always find myself drawn to black eyeliner and a light colored eyeshadow- but what if I branched out a little bit and wore eyeshadow more like the colors my sister Claire wears? I could go for the classic red lip and lined eyes but that might be overkill with my red mom dress.
It was a little sunny outside even though it was cold so the perfect mom would wear a pair of sunglasses.
ah, isn't being the perfect mom nice?
Dear Friend, Sunday Thoughts Edition
who hasn't been guilty of a jumper and flats?
Dear Friend,
I was just writing to talk about how glad I was to go to church today. John had a fever of 102 last night and I thought I was going to die but we came. I know it's only a virus because I'm already on a prescription decongestant and antibiotics and allergy medicine. maybe it wasn't super bright to bring our seemingly healthy kids since they slept pretty much all day after church. You will be happy to know that Mark seems better from his ear infection and even slept through the night last night, which John did not. Either way I was way more laid back than usual at church. I guess all that cold medicine helps me be more mellow. My only problem is that I think it inspired unnecessarily random thoughts. No wait- I always have those. The cold medicine just makes me more confused about things that people are trying to explain to me.
Anyway today I was reminded of my mission. You see today I thought of my plans for a second mission, where I shared the important message of a bra that fit properly. I think the properly fitting bra could almost as dear to my heart as my religion. Hello- line those bras ladies! Because seriously a bra that flattens, cuts in half and sags you all at the same time can ruin you life. Actually just one of those things is enough to ruin your day, so all three= you need an intervention.
Seriously I feel like this bra fitting mission could change someone's life for the better. That someone being you. Also: the message that no Jumper is the right kind of jumper. Now I have to admit, I was guilty of the Jumper wearing. I borrowed one from my companion and it was the most comfortable thing I put on. On a hot day the air just blows right up that jumper and cools you off. Of course the resulting billowing is not particularly flattering. When I was in Germany during the hottest summer in 140 years I was seen in two glorious jumpers and gifted one by Sister Reynolds, bless her soul. But you know a lot of things are comfortable, like the Ugg boots I wear around the house. Most of you have probably never seen my capri sweat pants with pockets and they are comfortable. We are talking about full thickness pockets here.
Anyway I was a little confused today because I saw your jumper and I'm betting you learned about their magic on a mission or in a hot place but your jumper was tight. If you take a jumper and add tightness you have destroyed the inherent beauty of the jumper, which is minimal to begin with.
I was thinking I could get together with you some time and go to the mall to a little store I like to call victorias secret. I know you think they are porn but maybe in this case you can look past that to get a decent bra. We could go to macy's, I won't judge. I'm thinking under wire could really rock your world.
almost enough to make that jumper passable.
almost.
Love,
Janae
I was thinking I could get together with you some time and go to the mall to a little store I like to call victorias secret. I know you think they are porn but maybe in this case you can look past that to get a decent bra. We could go to macy's, I won't judge. I'm thinking under wire could really rock your world.
almost enough to make that jumper passable.
almost.
Love,
Janae
I loved this jumper so much Sister Reynolds gave it to me. She. Was. Awesome.
Sunday Thoughts: New Years Resolutions
Lots of people make new years resolutions. Every year they look back and think about what they need to be doing better. This Sunday I've thought about writing a life changing blog post about what type of resolutions I will have.
Instead I've thought of an easy plan to make your new years resolutions- you can get a complete list in ten easy steps. Now I know it's hard for some of you to think of ways you can improve- but here is short program that I guarantee will help.
1. First ask yourself- am I fat? If so, all of your resolutions can be about this. There are lots of recent fads about dieting- sign yourself up for a program. Maybe join a gym. Preferably do something expensive because the economy could use some more consumer spending.
2. Next ask yourself- am I in debt? another freebie. Obviously weight loss purchases don't count here.
3. Third- are you lazy? well that should stop.
4. Fourth- are you dirty? Clean it up.
5. Fifth- think of some things that would be impossible to keep up on a daily basis unless you were superman- make it a goal to do all those things EVERY SINGLE DAY. Like work out and never eat candy and be kind to others or don't think bad thoughts. Also clean your house and spend at least an hour of quality time with your kids and never watch TV and have an organic garden and cook all your bread. Just one easy resolution.
6. Think of all the things your mom has criticized about you lately. make it a resolution to fix them. This brings me the resolution to vacuum my stairs every day. Oh my, and the list goes on. Don't go back too far, she doesn't bring up all the stupid stuff you said as a teenager.
7. Next- ask a friend. you could just send a quick message to all your facebook friends asking you what you could do to improve. Too bad facebook hasn't started the "enemies" section that would be so fun. I bet your enemies would be more honest with you about what you need to improve.
8. Maybe you don't have a friend? Well your resolution could be to get a friend. If any hygiene related resolutions pop up with that one, just go with it (refer to number 5).
9. Make a few intangible goals. "live life to the fullest" is a good generic intangible goal- as is "live like you are dying" which works for some people but only the pure of heart, because if I was dying I might want to rob a bank. Or just go take a nap more often than I do.
10. Write all those goals down. This could take a few days- especially as you wait for the answers from step seven to roll in.
I promise- if you follow these steps for one year- you will be a better person.
and I will leave you with the image of some cards I was going to put in my etsy shop- I took a picture of the Christ statue in Potsdam and made a card- then I thought hey- why not a card pack? I took the picture and the creepy row of Christs got to me so I just left it out.
But Just in case you know a LOT of people that need prayers- here is an awesome paypal button for the cards. It could fill your resolution to be more generous and pray more.
xoxo Janae
Sunday Thoughts
I was talking to my sister the other day about some moms she knows who tell her she will have kids as soon as she isn't afraid of them anymore. They ask her if she realizes "the church" meaning the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints tells you to have children. They remind her that as a working woman, she has no idea what it is like to be busy and tired. My sister questioned why all these women were so unhappy with their lives. Their husbands- their children.
I love my children so much, but I feel like having children is the hardest thing I've ever done. I never thought I would just wish for it to be easy- to stop feel like I am fighting for control of my own sanity.
After Danielle was born I found myself crying a lot. For hours a day I would sit there and cry after the baby went to sleep or when she was awake. Almost all the time when I was alone. I felt like all my worst fears had come true. I couldn't breastfeed. I was so tired. I wasn't going to work. I was fat. She wouldn't stop screaming at me. She had reflux and seemed to always be angry with me. She didn't let me feed her rice cereal. She kept throwing up on me. I remember wondering if I would always feel so empty inside. I hated all the moms that told me how easy having just one child was. then I moved to a place where some of the moms at church had sick kids.
I feel like those sick children changed how I felt about motherhood. I would be terrified if my child died. Maybe I started coming out of the tunnel of sadness with the help of some great anti-depressants. I never bonded with my baby. I knew I wouldn't do anything to hurt her and would take care of her needs, but it was hard to talk to moms about how great it was to have children. I never wanted to admit that I wished I was dead but I didn't want to do anything about it because that would make me an irresponsible mother. I'm glad I got professional help to start to feel like I was alive again.
My first labor was terrible. I wanted to have another baby. To prove to myself that I could do it. People started telling me that two wasn't hard, three was.
Having baby Mark changed everything. I've never been so tired. Staying up for a few months in a row will really make you crazy I'm convinced. Mark tried to stay up all night and sleep during the day. But he took a bottle for a few weeks while I tried to figure the breastfeeding/pumping thing out and then he switched back to breastfeeding. He let me feed him. He LOVED me. I immediately felt like I loved this baby more than anything, in an intense way I thought must be a hormone released in new mothers and maybe more in breastfeeding new mothers. I have no idea what it was, but it made me feel terrible. Because I didn't have it the first time. I just felt lost. I filled my emptiness up with cute little dresses and matching shoes. This time was different. I was connected to Mark but still sad. I never anticipated waking up with children and forgetting who I was. What I loved to do. When Mark was a week old I sat in his room in the middle of the night and cried about how easy he seemed. Then I cried because I had grown to love Danielle but wondered if she would ever forgive me for not loving her immediately.
I'm different now. But I'm also still the same. I've had an easier time deciding the commit to the care of my children than I've had feeling alive. I tried not to blame my religion for telling me motherhood is a holy calling. I knew I shouldn't blame my children. I tried not to blame my husband for being busy and emotionally exhausted with school. I tried not to blame my mom for not coming to help since she was sick. I tried not to blame the church ladies for saying they would love to help but never doing anything. Except Paula.
I'm grateful for my friends. I think they saved my life. After Mark was born I remember feeling horrible and having Melissa from the med school come over and watch the kids while I slept. She cleaned my whole house. Sarah watched the kids and I went to the dentist. Melissa came again when I was sick with a breast infection. Holly came and John and I went on a date to the grocery store. Best date ever. Melissa watched them again. I have no idea how she can clean any house in 30 minutes and keep the children happy, but those kind of skills might be why she's in medical school. Then Carlie came and watched the kids and I went to the gym and took a nap every day for a week. At the end she probably felt like dying but I felt like I was a person again.
I feel really sad about how hard it is to have depression after having kids. To feel like you are lost somewhere in a sea of what you wanted your life to be and what other people say. When I became a mother I didn't understand the lost feelings at the beginning of the day, or the anger I suddenly had. Taking anti-depressants made it possible for me to love my daughter and start to feel alive again.
I know in the end I will make it though unbroken. I will know who I am and love my children. I will be a different person. I don't know if I will always live under the cloud of depression that I've carried since my first pregnancy. I don't know if I will ever weigh what I did before I had Danielle (Oh wait- yes I do and I will.) I didn't know what to tell my sister when talked about those mothers who hurt her feelings. I don't always know if I will be able to fit in to my religion as a mother who doesn't feel that holy or fulfilled. But I know that I will always be a mom and I will never give up on them. I know that even if I am broken inside and lost, I can pick up the pieces and start over again.
I love the people who helped me,
including my little kiddos. Read more...
Sunday Thoughts: Marriage
My brain doesn't work right when I have a tension headache. Today I was talking to a girl at church who said she was about to get divorced. She said that she had been dating a guy who was close to getting his temple recommend then got married and realized he still smoked. She has a young baby and was very sick while she was pregnant. Her husband couldn't care for her so she went to stay with her parents. Now she doesn't want to go visit him for Christmas and he isn't getting leave. She seemed discouraged. I was sad for her.
I was also a little bit confused. Not because I doubted that she was unhappy- but because I wondered if you should stop trying if your spouse refuses to give up smoking or come to church. I don't doubt that in this woman's situation her relationship isn't good- especially after talking to her more. I just thought of how she wanted to explain her divorce by the fact that her husband says it's impossible to be in the military and mormon. As if him not wanting to be Mormon was a reason in itself. (this was not her entire story but I got sidetracked by that idea). I wonder if that is true for some people. Would you leave someone if they had different religious views that you did? If they refused to give up an addiction or smoking or friend? If you felt like they were a bad example for your children? I wonder how much that plays into someone's happiness or love. I've talked to a few women lately who have husbands with addictions. I wonder how I would feel if my husband came to me and told me he didn't want to be Mormon anymore. What if he wanted to start drinking? Do people who aren't Mormon think about things like this- if your spouse changed religions and you disagreed do you think it would destroy your marriage? If you are non religious are there behaviors that would destroy your relationship? I think it would be interesting to ask people because everyone seems to have different values.
I don't know why this one part of the conversation stuck out so much. Maybe because I didn't relate to her situation very much. I don't know anything about the military and marriage- I have a cousin that got married and her husband got deployed. He contacted her and asked for divorce and she never really found out why. I also have another cousin who seems quite happily married to a man in the military. It wasn't just about the military but about what a marriage "deal breaker" is.
What would be a marriage "deal breaker" for you- or do you have any?
Sunday Thoughts
It's like they say Children, like little petri dishes.
speaking of which once we visited my friends and he was growing something in a petri dish that he had scraped off of his kitchen sponge. I was fascinated and grossed out by cultivating bacteria in your closet. also glad that I refuse to own a kitchen sponge because they smell bad. always.
Kitchen sponges and rags that people use in their sinks- probably some of the most disgusting things on earth. which is why god invented the paper towel.
Well we have lived here over a year, so why does everyone have a cold again? John has some disgusting sore on the back of his throat and I'm convinced it's flesh eating bacteria. Maybe it is this same vigorous paranoia that makes me want to throw up about sponges.
My throat is totally hurting today. Although I probably should even talk because I've got nothing on open sore man.
Today I pondered how interesting being a parent can be- Danielle has decided she wanted to be carried everywhere today. Seriously I can't even carry my baby everywhere, which is probably why both of my children learned to crawl fairly early. I feel like she just realized that she has a sibling and it annoys her so she climbs up on the furniture to hide from him. Usually with his toys. Mark is also afflicted with open sores and some of the worst diaper rash ever. second only to Danielle when she was younger. It is harder to have him be a free range baby than it was with Danielle- mainly because of Danielle.
What is up with the horrible diaper rash? With Danielle supposedly it was disposables. I don't know if it's because we used disposables for a day or because I changed my cloth diaper detergent to hard rock detergent or if it's because he started drinking cows milk or because he ate some strawberries a few days ago but we have a serious problem on our hands here. Poor baby Mark is so sad, but he tends to be rather sensitive.
It is a miracle I got the dishes done today, although I didn't get the laundry put away. and since we canceled lunch with our friends today I have a lot of vegetarian bacon in my fridge that I am going to have to find a home for.
How was your Sunday?
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