Sleep

The other day someone asked me what I thought about baby sleep.
I told them nothing, because it is such a controversial issue and it seems like it makes perfectly reasonable parents go crazy. You take a normally functioning human and then keep them from sleeping for just a few weeks and they just turn a little strange.  They read books and ask everyone they know for help. Then whatever book they were trying the day their baby slept through the night becomes the most miraculous cure ever invented.
Actually it's surprising when people say they are tired and you are a new parent.  Your friend posts on their facebook wall how they were up late from flying home from a trip then waking up for work the next day.  Rage just wells up when they whine about their four hours of sleep. The next day they are so tired but they had to study for a final so they only got five hours of sleep. You yell at your spouse when you are sharing the story with them about your stupid friend.  They probably are tired. but it will end.  They can go home and have a nap. But you can't. It sucks.  Then you cry.  Then you comment on their posting.   You are pretty sure your sentence made sense when you typed it. Someone else says how they are a new parent but not tired- and it's your own fault for not doing whatever it is that they are doing. You hate them.
Then you sleep an hour and get up again and feel grateful that you didn't yell at that poor unsuspecting friend.  Or maybe you did. You are just so mad that they think they are tired.  You. Are. Unreasonable. After two months you think you are going crazy. Your baby is older but you are more sleep deprived and crazy tired than ever. With Mark after six months I thought I might actually be hallucinating. Maybe I was but then again maybe not.  Still not sure.
I seems like every mom has some grand theory about sleep with babies.  Take a bunch of sleep deprived people who need structure in their lives and have very little control and you will get what- a whole lot of crazy. They are sure that if you do their plan you will have ultimate success. They have had it with their million billion children- or more commonly- their one child. My opinion?  The people with the strongest opinions are usually those least qualified to have them. This applies to medical opinions as well, but that is another topic...
  Right now my baby sleeps about eight hours a night.  He is 12 weeks old. I am dying of happiness. I am pretty into the feed on demand and comforting your child methods of parenting.  These methods almost  killed me with Mark.  The adjustment to two kids while my husband adjusted to medical school were probably one of the worst times in my life.  ever. As I was getting ready to have my third everyone told me that this would be the most horrible time ever.  I honestly couldn't imagine being more broken than with two. I decided I couldn't handle that much trouble- I couldn't stay awake if it meant I couldn't care for my other children again, because I don't know who would come bail me out of the mess of my life this time.
Then I got blessed with a good sleeper. The first month he had to be held to sleep. I had help for that period and John miraculously had Christmas break. Lots of people helped us.  Then one night he slept alone in his crib for a few hours. Then a few more.
I like the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" which had advice on how to get your baby to sleep, including white noise and swaddling.  When Danielle was born we read it and used it, and were quite happy when our screaming grouchy reflux baby started sleeping 12 hours a night with a four hour nap. Then came Mark.  Mark did not sleep more than a few hours for SO LONG.  Everyone decided it was their job to tell me about their sleep success. So many unsolicited ideas. This is when I developed my strongest sleep opinion.  Sometimes you get lucky, sometimes you do not. Some babies sleep longer, earlier. Be grateful if you have one of those babies.
 At first I wanted to be like the über righteous co-sleeping people. Maybe with a little cot next to my bed so it didn't increase the risk of infant suffocation. What a delightfully happy breastfeeding mom I would be.
Except I can't sleep with an infant in the room.  Have you heard them?  They breathe loud. LOUD, I tell you. Loudly?  should I be telling you loudly? Whatever I can't do it. It's hard enough with John waking me up in the night.  Who knew I was a light sleeper. But my dream of those cute little mini cribs has been crushed by the fact that I own a normal sized crib and those little bed boxes just don't work for me.
The people I like the least are the cry it out people.  Even the founder of the so called "Ferber Method" says parents take it too far.  I heard him talk about how it wasn't his intention that people leave their babies all night.  Ok maybe I hate the Baby Wise people more.  They read a book that had to be revised because the original ideas lead to failure to thrive in infants.  Seriously? You are supporting a method that could lead to your child's death? Then they defend their opinions- oh no the book has been changed since the whole DEBACLE WHERE IT WAS PULLED FROM SHELVES SINCE IT HURT BABIES. oh Fantastic- good thing you are a disciple of the new and revised version instead of one of the fanatics from the really really bad version. Shouldn't you maybe question the credibility of your source though? Be proud of your inability to obtain reliable information.  Also be proud of how "you" taught your child to sleep.  Ignore that babies start sleeping longer when their bodies and brains are ready for it.
I think I am a little bitter about it.  I just don't understand recommending something like that. Congratulations with the forced revision, maybe some of your ideas don't put infants at risk of death and help them sleep now.

Maybe you are just desperate for some success since you are so very tired from caring for a child. Then again, maybe you aren't tired at all since you don't wake up with baby.  Or maybe your baby sleeps all night. Either way I don't want to be your friend.
Well actually I do, but if I was cooler I wouldn't be your friend just for that, out of principle. I have slept enough in the past little while to know that what sleep method you use isn't a reason to end a friendship.
Eventually, babies start sleeping.  Or go to the doctor for something more serious.  Maybe swaddling can help- or scheduling for feeding or white noise or whatever.  You know what helps most of all?  Time.  Growing up helps them sleep better.
That is what I think about baby sleep.  All right I have more opinions because you can read a lot about sleep if you just cut out the sleep portion of your day, but I'm bored with my thoughts.

What do you think?

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Sunday Thoughts

Ten Thoughts for this Sunday.

1. I love laminating.  I think we should laminate more.  When I was doing my student teaching I discovered I could get the library to laminate things for me.  Then my teacher told me we had to pay for that out of the curriculum budget, unlike all the other copies. Good thing she had a huge savings- sorry lead teacher! But I still love me some melted plastic.

2.  Also love- gift bags.  Turns out I own quite a few of them. I wanted to buy some on Friday because they were on sale at Target and I stopped myself. Because I don't need any more bags. I don't think I actually need any.  but they are so pretty.

3. I went and saw the vow. It was fun. Not a great movie but I did almost cry several times.  The more children I have the more feelings I seem to develop. I decided I need to go back to book club or something so I have something to talk about, other than etsy and my new baby. or maybe I just need to find a scranton etsy mom- I bet I could. Etsy rules.

4.  I don't like it here.  Maybe it is the weather which is totally gray or the fact that John is in school and I having a hard time seeing the long term picture. Maybe it is the fact that I wish I had more energy to do yard work, even though it is the middle of winter. Maybe it is something else or I just have a bad attitude right now. I haven't been able to watch the office since I moved here because it just isn't funny that this place is strange. Whatever.  Peace out Scranton.

5.  My kids are cute when they play nice.  They put their stuffed animals to bed. Also Elmo spends a lot of time in the corner in time out. I don't think I put them in time out to warrant the amount of negative attention poor little Elmo is getting.

6.  I think writing a blog is boring. not boring- pinterest.  Hello awesome! I didn't even realize how cool pinterest could be. It's like filling up a shopping cart and pretending you are going to buy it, but from lots of different stores. http://pinterest.com/claireandjanae/ oh my I like some people's taste a lot.

7.  I really need a new zig zag foot for my pfaff. It is making me crazy. I don't want to drive the hour it takes to get to a pfaff store. Especially not with the three kiddos.  Even though they are good, they aren't that good. I wish the pfaff website had a store, or your could buy the feet at joann's.  Love my sewing machine- once again don't love Scranton, since one of the many things they don't have is a pfaff store.

8.  Andrew is probably our easiest kid. He has to go to the doctor a lot and he doesn't like that but he pretty reliably sleeps at least six hours.  Holy lucky me. I could see how people would have lots of kid if they were all like this.  That being said, I still feel a bit like a zombie. A lot.  He's still a baby after all, and babies are high maintenance.  Good thing they are also so adorable. I need to clean my house, it is oppressing me. Maybe I should just throw away all those messy kid toys...

9. I don't know how some people manage to be so sympathetic.  Your heart just goes out to them. I don't think I'm one of these people.  Sometimes I wish I was, because I have this theory that if I was people would show up at my house with pie and hang out with me sympathetically and hold my baby while I worked on stuff.  But then i get annoyed with people whining about their lives and I wouldn't want people to think that of me. I am also not someone people usually push around either so that's good. Too bad it seems hard to be both.

10. I was watching the view in the waiting room at the doctors office for Andrew and they were talking about how Obama made a comment about taxes and referred to the scriptures where much is given, much is required.  One of the girls didn't like it.  At first I really related to that comment, because I feel like you should want to help other people.  Then I sort of understood where she was coming from, because I don't know if I feel like government should control your religious practice. In Germany the church can automatically take taxes from your paycheck like the government.  It seems so tidy and easy, but very foreign for me since America really pounds the separation of church and state. It's odd when you go somewhere else and realize how much this huge issue is a non-point other places. Still not sure how I feel about the whole thing, except that I might still be a little too sleep deprived to consider moral implications in politics. I think I need more friends who like to talk about this kind of stuff.
and like board games.  Seriously miss the board game club where I lived before. I didn't necessarily like those people or have much in common except the love of board games.  on the down side I came pretty close to learning to play magic, and paint some of my board game figurines. Confirming that it is time to embrace my inner geek a little more.

How was your Sunday?

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Dance Recital.

Danielle is in a dance class. I think she likes it because she has friends in it. She also gets to dress up which is super exciting. And to top it all off- they got to dance ON THE STAGE this weekend.

It took days for this to happen. Day 1-John went with Danielle to the practice. I can't tell you how glad I was that John went with Danielle. So many excited moms can get a little overwhelming. I feel bad that I don't get to talk to people but I always feel like you don't really get to talk that much anyway. Plus I hate driving and it's easier to stay home and make dinner.
But I really wanted to see Danielle- she is so adorable and she wanted us to come see her dance on the stage. I didn't want to get guilted about not coming the night before. Not that anyone actually cares, but sometimes I just see all those excited moms and feel a little overwhelmed.

I went to the practice. I didn't really go talk to anyone at first since I haven't seen people in a long time and I thought it would start at the time the flyer said. OR ONE HOUR LATER. I forgot to bring paper. My cell phone died. I realized I forgot to get prizes for the girls in Danielle's class. One of them had a box full of bags for each kid in their class and personalized chocolate suckers. Why didn't I think to get ballerina colored suckers? Or the optional flowers for the girls after the performance. Sometimes I wonder if parents realize the reason their child "loves it" is one part sparkles and ten parts you being excited for them and finally paying attention to them. The other day I realized Danielle doesn't "love" gardening as much as she loves doing something with me. anything.

Yesterday I wished I had ever watched more than ten minutes of toddlers in tiaras so I would know how to talk to the moms. Also maybe I would be better at doing hair. I wondered if the other mom's wouldn't want to talk to me because my child doesn't have a neat curling iron bun. Or her own set of dance makeup.

Also my child picking her nose and eating it right in the middle of the performance wasn't the most graceful thing ever. Or trying to chase the curtain as it was closing so she could still be the center of attention.

Most of the kids didn't know the routines. at all. But they were adorable. A really nice mom lent me some bobby pins so Danielle's hat would stay in place. I wondered why I was the only one who felt like I was in a strange land. I have friends who have their children in the class. Maybe this is just one more step in to the world of being an adult that I'm not ready for. I wanted to let my toddler run to the stage.

I already have the kids who want to run on the stage and scream in church. I guess the other day Danielle planted herself on the floor in sunbeams and didn't want to get up. I'm just not ready for the moms who are living their dream of being a ballerina through their perfectly scheduled children. Not saying that everyone is like that... Some days I don't feel mature enough for the mom world.
Like when I tell my friend I can't believe I paid to do this and she says she lives for the recital. it is better than Christmas.
Or like when I am waiting FOREVER in an auditorium with nothing to do. With people who don't seem to notice the wait time is getting excessive.

I am officially old now. Going to my child's performance. In a class I paid for her to go to. Well that John paid for. Danielle was so happy we got to see her dance. I sort of thought it was great, which made me question what type of mom I will be even more. Maybe I will fill her four year old life with as many classes as I can and stop letting her watch kid shows.
I would probably feel like a better mother if I did.

She was sick for the actual performance. It was sad.
maybe that's why they need so many rehearsals.

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Danielle the Destroyer: The Best Day of My Mom's Life

Danielle likes using paint cans as a drum set. Don't you?


There is a certain website which features things children ruin. I can't in good conscience link to it but you could find it- with the power of the internet. It features a lot of horrible photos of poo covered children which remind me Danielle's naps a few years ago, only different worse. Like just playing in the poo, not trying to change their own diaper. Does anyone else remember that Post? because it makes me want to cry. but also it makes me REALLY HAPPY Danielle is potty trained.

Today I just wanted to think about a few things Danielle has destroyed in the past few weeks.
also she peed her bed somehow this morning after she woke up. Thank goodness for waterproof mattress covers and my awesome washer.

1. The kitchen floor- marker
2. Chairs- also marker
3. her light cover- marker
4. the bed- marker
5. the carpet in mark's room- paint
6. the wall in mark's room- also paint
7. the carpet in the living room- nutella
8. My adorable pottery barn rabbit tablecloth- jam and nutella
9. Some of my fabric- nutella
10. My Necklace- unintended child use
11. my primary name sticks- theft
12. My sewing machine cover- marker
13. All My Spices- child related "cooking"
14. All the food in the freezer downstairs- searching for ice cream
15. the rug in the bathroom- sickness/poo (Danielle had a little bit of the flu)
16. Her panties- see above
    
17. my sanity- figuring out how to get out of a locked room during "quiet time."

I think it is horrible to lock your child in their room. I think it is worse for your child to sneak out of their room and dump all the spices out before you wake up. and even worse when they find a permanent marker in your purse and color all over the kitchen floor WHILE YOU ARE IN THE ROOM WITH THEM. also new rule- No more nutella. ever. which goes quite nicely with my newly healthy lifestyle.

I called my mom about it. She laughed.

So I will keep searching for this endless supply of markers- until the perfect day.
when a grown mother Danielle calls me on the phone with good news...
involving markers.

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Dear Friends,

When you look at Danielle's bangs, you might notice something. That's right- some of them are pulled back because I did her hair in this picture. I know, I'm really outdoing myself with all the grooming. I also give her regular baths. Also I've taught her to stay still for photos now that my camera is a little handicapped since Mark dumped a sippy cup of milk on it.
You also might think to yourself- oh she cut her own bangs.
but she didn't.
I did.
so don't ask.


XOXO- Janae

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Sunday Thoughts

I don't think the perfect mom would be having a meltdown right now about her daughter not sleeping. She would just rock the sad child back to sleep with a lullaby. Her three year old child would obediently go to bed at eight and also take an early afternoon nap. If you guys don't start sleeping soon I don't know what will happen, but it won't be good.

I was talking to my sister the other day about some moms she knows who tell her she will have kids as soon as she isn't afraid of them anymore. They ask her if she realizes "the church" meaning the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints tells you to have children. They remind her that as a working woman, she has no idea what it is like to be busy and tired. My sister questioned why all these women were so unhappy with their lives. Their husbands- their children.
I love my children so much, but I feel like having children is the hardest thing I've ever done. I never thought I would just wish for it to be easy- to stop feel like I am fighting for control of my own sanity.
After Danielle was born I found myself crying a lot. For hours a day I would sit there and cry after the baby went to sleep or when she was awake. Almost all the time when I was alone. I felt like all my worst fears had come true. I couldn't breastfeed. I was so tired. I wasn't going to work. I was fat. She wouldn't stop screaming at me. She had reflux and seemed to always be angry with me. She didn't let me feed her rice cereal. She kept throwing up on me. I remember wondering if I would always feel so empty inside. I hated all the moms that told me how easy having just one child was. then I moved to a place where some of the moms at church had sick kids.
I feel like those sick children changed how I felt about motherhood. I would be terrified if my child died. Maybe I started coming out of the tunnel of sadness with the help of some great anti-depressants. I never bonded with my baby. I knew I wouldn't do anything to hurt her and would take care of her needs, but it was hard to talk to moms about how great it was to have children. I never wanted to admit that I wished I was dead but I didn't want to do anything about it because that would make me an irresponsible mother. I'm glad I got professional help to start to feel like I was alive again.
My first labor was terrible. I wanted to have another baby. To prove to myself that I could do it. People started telling me that two wasn't hard, three was.
Having baby Mark changed everything. I've never been so tired. Staying up for a few months in a row will really make you crazy I'm convinced. Mark tried to stay up all night and sleep during the day. But he took a bottle for a few weeks while I tried to figure the breastfeeding/pumping thing out and then he switched back to breastfeeding. He let me feed him. He LOVED me. I immediately felt like I loved this baby more than anything, in an intense way I thought must be a hormone released in new mothers and maybe more in breastfeeding new mothers. I have no idea what it was, but it made me feel terrible. Because I didn't have it the first time. I just felt lost. I filled my emptiness up with cute little dresses and matching shoes. This time was different. I was connected to Mark but still sad. I never anticipated waking up with children and forgetting who I was. What I loved to do. When Mark was a week old I sat in his room in the middle of the night and cried about how easy he seemed. Then I cried because I had grown to love Danielle but wondered if she would ever forgive me for not loving her immediately.
I'm different now. But I'm also still the same. I've had an easier time deciding the commit to the care of my children than I've had feeling alive. I tried not to blame my religion for telling me motherhood is a holy calling. I knew I shouldn't blame my children. I tried not to blame my husband for being busy and emotionally exhausted with school. I tried not to blame my mom for not coming to help since she was sick. I tried not to blame the church ladies for saying they would love to help but never doing anything. Except Paula.

I'm grateful for my friends. I think they saved my life. After Mark was born I remember feeling horrible and having Melissa from the med school come over and watch the kids while I slept. She cleaned my whole house. Sarah watched the kids and I went to the dentist. Melissa came again when I was sick with a breast infection. Holly came and John and I went on a date to the grocery store. Best date ever. Melissa watched them again. I have no idea how she can clean any house in 30 minutes and keep the children happy, but those kind of skills might be why she's in medical school. Then Carlie came and watched the kids and I went to the gym and took a nap every day for a week. At the end she probably felt like dying but I felt like I was a person again.

I feel really sad about how hard it is to have depression after having kids. To feel like you are lost somewhere in a sea of what you wanted your life to be and what other people say. When I became a mother I didn't understand the lost feelings at the beginning of the day, or the anger I suddenly had. Taking anti-depressants made it possible for me to love my daughter and start to feel alive again.
I know in the end I will make it though unbroken. I will know who I am and love my children. I will be a different person. I don't know if I will always live under the cloud of depression that I've carried since my first pregnancy. I don't know if I will ever weigh what I did before I had Danielle (Oh wait- yes I do and I will.) I didn't know what to tell my sister when talked about those mothers who hurt her feelings. I don't always know if I will be able to fit in to my religion as a mother who doesn't feel that holy or fulfilled. But I know that I will always be a mom and I will never give up on them. I know that even if I am broken inside and lost, I can pick up the pieces and start over again.

I love the people who helped me,
including my little kiddos.

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Sunday Thoughts: Crazy Mom

Today was an interesting day. I let Mark take a nap this morning and missed church. I was going to go with John to the tough mudder to see him run. He finished and I'm super proud of him. You should look at the run HERE.

I was going to go with him- my friend said she would watch our kids the whole time (Hello HUGELY Generous) and we brought them over. Then I started feeling bad. I'm still breastfeeding mark so I guess this would be like weaning him. He usually wakes up at 4 in the morning to eat- but twice last week he waited until 8. I missed my baby after only an hour. We didn't end up driving up early because someone needed a ride the next morning- so I started regretting my decision to go- we could have dropped them off the next day- we didn't need to make someone else watch them right away. I kept asking John every ten minutes if he thought the kids were OK. I wanted to call my friend and ask if Mark was being too hard. I thought about bringing him to the race the next day. outside all day rather than with friends probably wasn't the best idea ever.

My friend didn't beat me up when I called past midnight and got our kids.

because I had a meltdown. John didn't get back until around 8 tonight so that would have been long but I bet the kids would have survived. I just didn't know if I was ready to wean Mark so suddenly. of course now I decided to wean him next week during Thanksgiving break. I just didn't feel ready because I hadn't PLANNED it. I knew Danielle would be having the time of her life with her friends but I wasn't ready to leave Mark.

The most surprising thing was how crazy I felt. I felt horribly guilty. I tried to convince myself I was worried about Mark or my friend being upset but it was really about me. I need my kids to be around. I have a hard time when they are gone. Not to play with friends or if I need to run errands for a few hours or go to the gym, but the idea of being gone a whole day terrified me. Maybe I can blame the breastfeeding. I wonder if I am just crazy or if a lot of moms go through this crazy guilty attachment.
I tell myself it was OK since Mark had a fever this morning. It went away with Tylenol and he doesn't have it anymore. Really I just realized another thing about being a mom- I feel like I have this hormonal physical connection to my children. We worked in the yard today- the three of us all bundled up planting bulbs. Or playing with the dog- Mark loves it when Austin plays ball with him. I'm still not quite sure why I stayed home or if I'm going to turn into one of those super protective crazy stalker moms someday- but now I understand them a little more.
which might not be a good thing...

have you ever realized your concern about your kids was more about you than about them?

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What did you Do today?

Today I was going to be able to see in the dark with my super power night vision, but it ran out of batteries. Luckily Danielle came to the rescue with imaginary batteries which Mark also received so he could help us rescue puppies in the basement.
I also realized why it WAS a good idea to make a pile of all my pants and jump in them. pants can be just as soft as pillows if stacked properly

The ladies at gymnastics were having a competition about who had the child with the biggest feet. I totally lost that one- the kid who won had clodhoppers sized 11.5. I'm not sure why they were competing about that, but I also lost the "I don't buy my child nice shoes" contest. You can imagine my sigh of relief when another child walked in wearing sparkly sketcher twinkle toes. Just moments before these beautiful shoes were the victim of being called 'canvas shoes I could make with a bedazzler"
by big feet's mom.

I'm not sure why some mom's like to make everything into a competition, but it was funny today.
sometimes it's had to have such a worldly and stylish child.
but someone has to be her mother, and I'm glad it's me.

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Dear friend,

Dear Mom,

It is my pleasure to tell you that we have another sock lover in the family. Remember that one year that we had over 100 socks between all of us? I was really happy that I got 12. and I know to go after Christmas and get the socks on sale. I myself don't wear seasonal socks but my children can.
Danielle loves socks. She packages up all of her socks in a great big sock wrapper and carries them around with her. Or she puts all her money in a ball. It seems a little strange to have a sock stuffed with money in it- did anyone here see in living color?- but they really are a convenient change purse.
Sometimes I walk into Danielle's room and she is wearing all her panties and as many socks as she can get on. She needs several pairs for her feet and hands. Did you know that socks are the new gloves? really they are the same as mittens and there are lots more options.
I have to say though the other day when Danielle had socks on top of her footed sleeper I had a hard time not dying from how cute it was. I almost woke her up from sleeping, which is a horrible thing. I should know, right now I'm up in the middle of the night with her and she isn't feeling well. Maybe she needs a pair of socks.

Love this hot chocolate.
Love socks.- even if I wear them very infrequently. they make my feet feel sweaty.
Love you.
Janae

Lessons from Danielle:

Some days you need socks on top of your footed sleeper. For fashion.

sorry about the bad picture- the flash was necessary. She is sleeping on a mattress on our floor while my mom is here. Normally she sleeps like the dead- which is why I can take flash photos of her in the middle of the night.
If only Mark slept that way.

End Positive Post #21

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Positive Post #17 Mom Style

First off I have to say that Halloween? The.Best.Ever.

If you want to get a piece of my "always in lounge clothes but never jeans" look, here's a little tutorial.

MOM STYLE IN FOUR EASY STEPS

Step One: Go To JJill. Or JJill.com all I have to say it- their sizing is pretty forgiving so be prepared to feel skinny. Even though really you are the same size. Anyway I like the wearever collection and I get black EVERYTHING. If you want to branch out- get gray.
This is really the key to my wardrobe- I have a lot of these pants but I like the flared leg and I am not super tall so I have to watch out for the fraying at the heel.

Step Two: Wear your pants everywhere. Let's say you want to grout the bathroom for example- just wear your black pants. Cleaning the kitchen floor with bleach cleaner? Leave those suckers on. Yard Work feels good in black pants, as does sleeping. Did I mention you can leave them on all day? But that would be gross, change into your other identical pair.

Step Three: Continue to use the pants when you get pink streaks from a bleach cleaner covered counter top. Act as though it is totally normal to have smears of white grout on your calf.

Step Four: Buy more pants, but don't get rid of your old trashed ones. That would ruin your mom style.

End Positive Post #17. I was going to post pictures but I decided not to so they can be a separate post tomorrow. When I find my camera and phone with pictures on it.

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Positive Post #3

This is like a month challenge. Except the month challenge on my etsy shop blog ended up being only 28 days long. That is a month- February 75% of the time style.
Crap I bought the wrong caramel corn. This is devastating.
My sister Claire makes good caramel corn. but my husband doesn't like it.
whatev.
In other news I am glad people leave comments on my blog- I like it. Even though honestly more action is happening in those than with me. I just thought I should apologize on the blog because I started the fight on the blog. not perfectly clear. You will be happy to know I think everything is worked out.

So now let's talk about some positive things- I found a hilarious website about moms!



moms are so competitive. I follow these moms on twitter that talk about breastfeeding their babies forever and ask me if I've tried herbal remedies to deal with depression.
I think part of why moms get so crazy competitive is that we don't have standard criteria. There is no board out there giving out mommy grades- you get an A and you get a c minus because you feed your child the wrong kind of fruit snacks. Sometimes it would be nice to have a set of guidelines- don't you think?

So what would your mom guidelines be? Do you feel strongly about anything?
I feel strongly about naptime. I have a crush on it.

I am also grateful that this caramel corn is too terrible to eat, because that will help me be healthy.

End Positive Post #3 of 31

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Sunday Thoughts

image from lavishbodyhome.com I WANT THIS CHAIR. but I want the 350 dollars it costs more. especially since I don't have it.

Today I dropped my baby girl off at Mark and Sara's and we drove back home. I made it in time for the church meeting I needed to go to. So what did I think about making? A list of things that I want for mother's day/my birthday.
I think it has been interesting thinking about how we come to marriage with different expectations. My first memory of Christmas with John's family was everyone getting an over sized gift bag with no tissue paper in it. The bags were identical with red poinsettias. John's oldest sister opened up the present and showed everyone and then John's dad asked for all the bags back so he could use them again the next year.
I had only been married for four days. Probably we should have just spent Christmas with each other. I will never forget the shocking impression- what the heck was this? Not the heavily steeped in tradition Christmas that I was used to. We all had our own colored wrapping paper for the presents under the tree and a coordinating print for our stockings.

Early on John and I realized we would need to plan our own traditions and meet somewhere in the middle. Or maybe even more detailed than anything we've ever known before.
Traditions for Mother's day and my birthday are also still in development. Part of me wants some grand gesture- like a fancy chair I've always wanted or some fancy jewelry.
Then I think about all the progress we've made with our budget.
Guess I'll just have to live out my dreams on out little blog.

Some fun Birthday Ideas and mother's day ideas. I hate that my first mother's day ever fell on my birthday. YUCK.

• I like it when John make's me Red Velvet Cake. I love Red Velvet cake- my grandma makes it, my aunt Michelle makes it. wouldn't a mini cake look great on a little cake plate from vesselsandwares.etsy.com?
• a fancy anything from lavishbodyhome.com
• a massage- there is a great girl at alexander's spa that I like. Wow they have some terrible reviews online. I like that girl though. Doesn't that seems like something that should happen on mother's day? I still have bad back pain from after Mark was born. sigh. today Diane showed me something that will probably help- it's awesome to have friends that do physical therapy.
• My family used to let you pick what food mom made you on your birthday- how cool. Too bad it's TONS of work. I think my mom was trying to make these holidays impossible to live up to.
• Fabric- oh how I love fabric. If i love it too much I can't sew with it because I have to keep it. I like the orange minky from minkydelight.com and I always do a google search for good coupon codes. Fabric.com also always has great deals and coupon codes. I am also totally in love with Echino Japanese fabric and little Japanese ribbons. Mountain of the Dragon is a great place to get the fabric. I had some Echino Damask fabric but it is out of print. and so, so many others....but fabric is a difficult present for a birthday- and would it offend people if I just kept it in a box on my desk? Maybe...
• my sister in law made a turquoise serving bowl I want- I have a similar one and would die to have two. her little etsy shop needs tons of support. I love the idea of supporting family and giving things to each other- like buying my sister in laws hair things from my sister for their birthdays. (so tell me what you like guys.)
• I love shoes- I am size 8 and a half.
• I love photography- I would like to take a class and learn how to really do it someday. Wouldn't it be nice to sign someone up for a photography class? Or a dental hygienist program? I would love that.
  
• I would love to have a room in the house painted.
• I would love ANYTHING from ZGallerie.com How cool is that place. also they have greek key bedding- which makes me die a little from happiness.
• how about a Jade bird bowl from Jonathan Adler. Or any of his white pieces. ZGallerie has some cheaper ones too. I would love a rhino on my mantle- or even a ceramic deer. I don't know if John would go for that- and my funkiness might decrease with time... it's so nice to collect the things I want and write them down- what a nice row of happiness.
  

well this idea list will have to be continued tomorrow. I am crazy tired.

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Cooking Lessons with Maunifa

My friend Maunifa is from Syria. She is super awesome because she is bossy and opinionated. I like bossy people. She seems to think I need someone to come and clean my house every week. I totally agree. Also I shouldn't eat salad dressing because that makes you fat. And one day a week I should put my kids in daycare so I can have a day to myself. I wish I lived in her world.
Maunifa loves to cook. She is teaching me.
Carlie tells me that good photos make a good food blog. Since I am not a food blog I don't have to take great food photos, but really food is one of my major loves in life. I think about it probably about 60% of the time. Or more. The first time Maunifa cooked for me she made something with rice and lamb and okra and a spice mixture she made herself. I was almost as excited as I was about the turkey at the Nelson's house. I LOVE TURKEY. Needless to say I have a huge mom crush on her- who just makes Syrian food every day? Someone from Syria. This is food I would pay a lot of money for in a restaurant. She is teaching me how to make it. Next week I am going to get a lamb at the Arabic store. I don't know how I feel about it- since I wish I was a vegetarian I decided to never eat lamb again- then she fed me something wonderful and now I ordered some. That 7 year long fast ended soon.
It is good for me to have to prepare the foods though- that makes me want to eat meat less. Just imagine if I had to hunt the animals or clean them. I would never eat meat. I think our society let's us be more emotionally detached from food with our production and food supply.
The last Syrian Meal- Falaffal and pitas with onions, lettuce, tomato, and a mixture of parsley tomatoes and other stuff. Quite healthy.
except the deep fried part. Maybe I need a deep fryer. Everyone seems to have one- just like everyone has a crock pot. Or a dirty festering stink pot, as I like to think of them. How else can I deep fry my falaffel and cook my lamb for four hours- then act like I just whipped it up in no time. Also how the heck do you spell falaffel? falafel falafal fallafel whatever.

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