Danielle the Destroyer: The Best Day of My Mom's Life

Danielle likes using paint cans as a drum set. Don't you?


There is a certain website which features things children ruin. I can't in good conscience link to it but you could find it- with the power of the internet. It features a lot of horrible photos of poo covered children which remind me Danielle's naps a few years ago, only different worse. Like just playing in the poo, not trying to change their own diaper. Does anyone else remember that Post? because it makes me want to cry. but also it makes me REALLY HAPPY Danielle is potty trained.

Today I just wanted to think about a few things Danielle has destroyed in the past few weeks.
also she peed her bed somehow this morning after she woke up. Thank goodness for waterproof mattress covers and my awesome washer.

1. The kitchen floor- marker
2. Chairs- also marker
3. her light cover- marker
4. the bed- marker
5. the carpet in mark's room- paint
6. the wall in mark's room- also paint
7. the carpet in the living room- nutella
8. My adorable pottery barn rabbit tablecloth- jam and nutella
9. Some of my fabric- nutella
10. My Necklace- unintended child use
11. my primary name sticks- theft
12. My sewing machine cover- marker
13. All My Spices- child related "cooking"
14. All the food in the freezer downstairs- searching for ice cream
15. the rug in the bathroom- sickness/poo (Danielle had a little bit of the flu)
16. Her panties- see above
    
17. my sanity- figuring out how to get out of a locked room during "quiet time."

I think it is horrible to lock your child in their room. I think it is worse for your child to sneak out of their room and dump all the spices out before you wake up. and even worse when they find a permanent marker in your purse and color all over the kitchen floor WHILE YOU ARE IN THE ROOM WITH THEM. also new rule- No more nutella. ever. which goes quite nicely with my newly healthy lifestyle.

I called my mom about it. She laughed.

So I will keep searching for this endless supply of markers- until the perfect day.
when a grown mother Danielle calls me on the phone with good news...
involving markers.

Read more...

My Dream Linen 80's house

Today I got my restoration Hardware catalog. 300 pages of linen covered bliss. and some very oddly scaled ceiling lights but they weren't linen so who cares about them.

In all seriousness I want a linen couch. This one. Or rather I did when I saw it at the outlet for really cheap but not so much now that it would cost me more than 3,000.00 dollars. Who doesn't need a fancy couch for their house. The best part? This one is comfortable and- covered with linen. Linen. The new luxury fabric.

The other day I was thinking- How could I make my whole home a sort of "Linen" color.
Restoration Hardware came to my rescue. Now I can have a couch, pillows, coffee table, chairs, drapes and furniture all the color of linen. Those Cart Tables really have sort of a linen color to them. So trendy right now and in just the right color! Or I could just get one covered In Linen. I am so excited that my outside table can be linen colored and my chairs and my dining table and all the chairs around it could be linen.

I was hoping to find some peculiar looking chairs- like an egg chair just like one I saw in a museum- only in Linen instead of another fabric. They have one with Burlap on the back. What a wild ride that would be. Linen+Burlap= the best ever.



people are always saying that architectural elements are good for a house. So I thought my 80s house could use a few columns here and there. I could put my kids on top of them for time out. No more wandering out of time out now! Or I could put a stone sphere on them. The best part? Both the color of linen.

Then for the table I might branch out to an almost duck cloth color. Although I could never do those plants- hello green was not in my color scheme! One thing I never realized before was that Antlers are close to the color of linen! So I thought about getting together all my hunting trophies and crafting them into a massive light fixture of death. Hopefully I'm good at cleaning things- right? But then I realized that Restoration Hardware had that Linen lighting Covered! I won't even need to bust out my linen lamp shades.

Or Will I?

Read more...

Murder: Sunday Thoughts

Does anyone else feel like a house is a black hole? I like doing home improvement projects but really sometimes it's too much. I got discouraged this weekend when Rose came over to help me with one of my flower beds and there were termites in it (it is over 30 feet from the house but I'm terrified here). So we bought lots of bug killer. I forgot to get one of those massive tanks to mix the poison in. and then it rained all day...
Tomorrow is bug Armageddon at my house. I bought rose plants online and there is no way some stupid ants are going to eat them all.

Read more...