Let's Not Talk About It.

Dear Friends,

One of my least favorite things is overhearing just the tail end of some really juicy gossip, only to be met with the response. "You don't want to know." Seriously? I want to know. I want to know about the restraining orders and everything. It's so interesting. I am assuming that all people are equally curious so I like to forward emails. Especially emails where people tell me bad things about myself. Honestly- how bad is your judgment if you chew someone out in an email? The evidence is there. It's like reading a love letter with a girlfriend and asking them what every sentence "means." I wanted you to know that when you said the other day 'I didn't want to know' about the trouble you were talking to someone else about- I did want to know. And when I found out about it a few days later from someone else it was awesome.
Not sharing the good stories is only slightly less annoying than people who act like they don't want to share them just to get attention. "Oh I shouldn't..." really means, "just ask me and I will tell." So the other day when you said "let's not talk about it," in response to someone saying they were feeling better in their second trimester you were talking about it. You were implying that your life was worse and begging for attention. Maybe we should have asked, but no one did. Because we already knew when you said "let's not talk about it." Your pregnancy must be the WORST in the world. I have a friend named Tristan who speaks only in superlatives, but it is funny. Probably because he isn't talking about being pregnant. Plus he has a good name.
In other news I am in my second trimester and I should talk about my weight since that is the MOST annoying habit IN THE WORLD. (seriously this is really annoying I hate it and I hate you if you gained less weight than I did.) According to my doctor's scale I've lost 6 pounds. I think the scale is wrong but if I keep getting on scales that are more and more off maybe I won't gain any weight this pregnancy! When some lady says "I gained 20 pounds this pregnancy and you gained 30 you don't say "let's not even talk about it." If you only gained 15 you just flat out tell them. Gained more? You just shut your mouth and hate them. The "let's not talk about it" is the equivalent to "I shouldn't..." when we are bragging about ourselves. Not to mention it bugs me when I realize that people are sympathizing more with your non direct complaining than with me. Next time someone asks me how I am doing being pregnant I will have to answer "let's not talk about it," even though I would rate this pregnancy as much easier than last time. Please don't ask me what I mean because I really don't want to specify- I just want attention. Kind of like when you complained about how "hard" your husband's new calling is. That's right- gloating.
Thanks for your help, and you don't even want to know how many free vitamin samples I got today.