Book Club Dungeon

Dungeon Siege Tale is a movie that features Jason Statham, known from such masterpieces as The Italian Job and tons and tons of cheap action movies where they just show that he is one tough Australian. You can learn many valuable lessons from this movie, such as:

• 1. CGI sword fights are pretty much the way wizards battle these days.
• 2. Joan of Arc was in this movie. And she probably brings her own armor, with cape, to auditions. How can you turn down Joan of Arc?
• 3. The Vengeance of a mother is the worst sort of vengeance, if you can imagine that.

This was one of the most delightfully terrible movies I have ever seen. It was like a fantasy novel gone wrong, complete with the balance of power being thrown off by a magician’s daughter surrendering her virtue. A man named Farmer became king and although he lost his son it was revealed that his wife was pregnant with another son (by a magician). There were tree elves (women) that fought with branches. In the end the magician was destroyed and the evil Farks immediately went back to wandering around since they lacked the intelligence necessary for blood lust.

We paid for the movie on Pay per view. Some of the special effects were so bad you couldn’t watch them. Awesome. Burt Reynolds was the king. Burt Reynolds. You can imagine my delight in spending an evening home with my husband watching this movie. How did the movie even get made?

Tonight I ended up going to a book club around 8:00 and it was sort of like the movie I saw the night before, but without the guilty pleasure. Each woman brought a different book and gave a sort of book report. Here are some pearls of wisdom I learned.

• 1. The 8 hour movie version of Pride and Prejudice is the best.
• 2. That Groban guy who wrote other side of heaven had 11 children.
• 3. Jane Eyre is the most interesting Victorian novel.
• 4. The California dialect is the purest and most American accent.
• 5. The Twilight series took place in Seattle.

You can imagine it was almost as enlightening as the movie I saw the night before. So good I thought I should give thanks.

Thanks for informing my yearlong study of linguistics about your personal feelings on the Utah dialect and the correct way to say Nevada. Thank you for telling me where Seattle is and other Northwestern geography. Thank you for sharing your extensive linguistic knowledge with my published research. Thank you for helping me grasp the society Jane Austin lived in that I visited with an expert. Thank you for claiming “Bronte” was the best author. Thank you for telling me that since my husband is here for school I should be doing missionary work while I am here. Thank you for sharing your feelings about Adam’s transgression being a sexual sin. Thanks for explaining how homeless people are sent here just so we can serve someone and that is how they fulfill their existence.

Thank you for keeping me from watching another movie like Dungeon Siege Tale. I am sure after this post I will get kicked out of book club. Or rather book report club. Tonight I learned I should not have gone to college.