Dear Doctor

Dear Doctor,

I am so glad that you had time to fit me in to your schedule today. You can imagine my shock when you had no idea I was taking a drug you prescribed. I remember back when you asked someone if their stomach pain could be from pregnancy after looking at their abdomen with an ultrasound. I guess you can never be too sure.

I want to introduce you to a little thing I like to call a clock. When the short hand is at the nine that stands for nine o clock. Most clocks need to have a reference point- they should match other clocks in the world or at least the area. If you have an appointment for nine, for example, you should be to work at nine. You should also try to avoid having more than one meeting at the same time. When I arrive for my appointment at 11:00 that does not actually mean seeing you by 1:40 was my ultimate goal.

Another thing you might want to know about is math. Let’s say you have 60 minutes and 10 patients scheduled during that time. How long can you spend with each patient? 45 minutes was actually the wrong answer.

You should know that you office staff is probably the nastiest bunch of beasties in the world. Have you ever read your own online reviews? I don’t want to make you feel bad because people like you, but getting one star out of five for your office staff usually means they aren’t very good. I have never met a more horrible group of women. Your personality is so pleasant it almost makes up for them. However, that one nurse practitioner who doesn’t know that two year olds should get flu shots doesn’t so much make up for the wait.

You should know that the chairs in your waiting room look stained and the faucet in the bathroom leaks.

Please stop telling me you will do things for me, like following up or referring my baby to an eye specialist. Just tell me you have nothing for me and I can take a flying leap. Thanks for telling me to come in to your office to pick up some samples when you didn’t actually have any. I am glad you told your office staff to expect me so they wouldn’t treat me like I was hallucinating when I arrived.

The last thing I wanted to tell you is that a little piece of my heart goes out to you when I read your letter about the shortage of doctors in the area. I am so grateful that I have medical care and can even get an appointment.

There is a spelling error in the letter. It won’t stop yelling at me.

janae