Sunday Thoughts

Well this week I took baby Mark home from church early. He always freaks out a little. I am torn between feeling like I should go to church no matter what and feeling sad for my baby. People that are super active at church always say you just go and walk the halls and it is practice because you aren't getting anything religious out of it. Sometimes I would rather just let him sleep in his bed and not deal with a screaming overtired baby that won't eat and won't fall asleep.
Although I am always proud of myself when I go. I think going to church is the right thing to do and it is always a struggle for me so I get confused. Church is complicated. Mark always seems so overwhelmed.

Which brings me to the perfect mom for the week. Brooke has informed me that I don't have to quit the series- which brings me joy. I am building what I would look like if I was a perfect mom. The perfect mom breastfeeds. Carlie and I had a perfect mom moment when we both breastfed at the Jewish Deli in Scranton. Went off without a hitch. We used nursing covers. I felt like Superwoman.
Sorry people, it is true. The perfect mom is a breastfeeding mom. A while ago people thought formula was better and then really wealthy parents were ending up with babies that didn't do as well because they could afford formula. Then the La Leche League formed to help support women and educate them about how much better it is for babies. I feel like now my generation is experiencing another backlash from extreme attitudes about nursing. I guess some don't capture the vision of the nurse in. I didn't know this but my sister told me nursing wasn't protected everywhere. I don't know if the breastfeeding promotion act passed. I do know that feeding babies is a super hard topic. I went to a La Leche League meeting after I had Danielle with my sister in law. The women seemed really closed minded and I remember Kathryn saying it isn't always realistic to feed in the first hour- some women have premature babies or have children go to the NICU and they are given bottles. I guess the women who have had problems like that don't end up at these meetings because no one knew anything about it. It is tragic that there is so little information about how to succeed when you have difficult situations.
This week was a bit of a breastfeeding disaster. Mark is teething so he was trying to bite me. Also no more eating in any room but his bedroom. with no overhead light. and no noise. and lots of attention and positive affirmation. no yelling for him biting me (hi have you ever been bitten while nursing- how do you not at least shout a little when the little teeth draw blood?)
I couldn't quit. My only official ex friend quit over a bite. Did that seriously influence my decision? Shameful.
I don't know how I feel about the perfect mom just nursing in public- my baby won't do it. Too overwhelming. So we have to sit in the car or the bathroom if he is hungry. Also he hates nursing covers.
And I thought I got to have opinions.
If you search for breastfeeding in Twitter people complain about mother's breastfeeding in Burger King and some moms ask questions and are proud to be an uncovered breastfeeding mom. So polarized! Seriously though the next day I searched for it when I actually had a question someone was flooding the feed with what looked like porn links. boo on twitter- obviously not the place to go to find advice I am new and still learning how to search.

Breastfeeding makes so many mother's feel guilty I can understand the guilt- you are letting someone close to your privates and if it doesn't go well it is hard not to take it personally. The first time I tried to feed Mark rice cereal he seemed to like it and I felt a little betrayed- after the blood and infection how could he like that bland crap? Oh sometimes I feel the crazy overprotective parent welling up. He now eats one meat a day. He doesn't like pears. I am going to start making my own baby food but that is a different perfect mom post.

Our society is lacking really good breastfeeding support. A middle ground that takes in that breastfeeding involves two human beings. I liked a blog post from the rambling renovators about breastfeeding. People don't always realize how important it is to support each other. I've read a lot about breastfeeding and been to lots of lactation consultants. Some are good, some are not. There is a woman out there called the breast whisperer. Maybe if I had met with her I would have been able to breastfeed Danielle. I am desperate to succeed as a breastfeeding mom. My friend Jen asked me why.

Well Jen- the perfect mom would do it.

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SnowMG and Family Photos

We finally got some of the snowstorm. Day one we took family photos outside. I only got my boots because that's really all I could get. Danielle loves playing outside in the snow. I think it might be above her head today- they worked yesterday for over an hour on building part of a snowman and John shoveled the walk and the driveway. I guess the wind undid that work. The snow doesn't stick together so Danielle still hasn't seen a snowman- but she does like to throw snow balls.
It's nice to have John home. I am super worried that our power will go out like so many people around us. I guess people here are probably better at having an emergency supply because they actually sometimes need it for a few days.
I am seriously considering buying a generator. and an SUV, but that is nothing new.

I guess I won't be doing my running today.

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Cooking Lessons with Maunifa

My friend Maunifa is from Syria. She is super awesome because she is bossy and opinionated. I like bossy people. She seems to think I need someone to come and clean my house every week. I totally agree. Also I shouldn't eat salad dressing because that makes you fat. And one day a week I should put my kids in daycare so I can have a day to myself. I wish I lived in her world.
Maunifa loves to cook. She is teaching me.
Carlie tells me that good photos make a good food blog. Since I am not a food blog I don't have to take great food photos, but really food is one of my major loves in life. I think about it probably about 60% of the time. Or more. The first time Maunifa cooked for me she made something with rice and lamb and okra and a spice mixture she made herself. I was almost as excited as I was about the turkey at the Nelson's house. I LOVE TURKEY. Needless to say I have a huge mom crush on her- who just makes Syrian food every day? Someone from Syria. This is food I would pay a lot of money for in a restaurant. She is teaching me how to make it. Next week I am going to get a lamb at the Arabic store. I don't know how I feel about it- since I wish I was a vegetarian I decided to never eat lamb again- then she fed me something wonderful and now I ordered some. That 7 year long fast ended soon.
It is good for me to have to prepare the foods though- that makes me want to eat meat less. Just imagine if I had to hunt the animals or clean them. I would never eat meat. I think our society let's us be more emotionally detached from food with our production and food supply.
The last Syrian Meal- Falaffal and pitas with onions, lettuce, tomato, and a mixture of parsley tomatoes and other stuff. Quite healthy.
except the deep fried part. Maybe I need a deep fryer. Everyone seems to have one- just like everyone has a crock pot. Or a dirty festering stink pot, as I like to think of them. How else can I deep fry my falaffel and cook my lamb for four hours- then act like I just whipped it up in no time. Also how the heck do you spell falaffel? falafel falafal fallafel whatever.

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Family

babies don't like to cooperate for pictures at the same time.
mark has discovered that his tongue is very fun to stick out.
classic Mark and Elijah- except they aren't trying to eat each other's hands.
Carlie got them matching shirts- next month we get to see Christina and her baby with the matching shirt.

This morning Carlie left after a week long visit. I think it was pretty brave of her to come because we don't know each other super well. She called me when Mark wasn't sleeping at all and volunteered to come help. I cried.
I didn't realize how overwhelming it can be to have children with no family around. Some people say that two children is much easier than three. My kids seemed to be determined to never be awake at the same time. Two children is Much harder than two. It seems so easy to take care of Danielle if Mark is taking a nap- until he is completely nocturnal and I don't know how to fix it. That child needs one of the most rigid schedules I have ever seen. Who knew that some babies loved schedules and needed things to be quiet. He is pretty sensitive- going out too much or playing too much is way to stressful. So pretty much the opposite of my last baby.
I like how my dad told me that one more is always harder, if it be two or five. We moved here and I have been dealing with postpartum depression and the adjustment to medical school and two children. I finally got insurance approval to cover my medicine this last week. And Mark turned five months old.
Carlie's visit was different- we did projects and she did all the dishes and cooked. That woman can plan a menu. We stayed up and talked about babies. I got to take a nap every day and go to the gym. It felt like family.
The feeling of family is so important. These are people who will always be there. My sisters and I used to talk all the time and go to the bathroom together. We would talk with a towel in our laps. I like them to come over and talk to me while I do chores. Sisters can help you mop your floor. My sisters know the checklists my mom used to use to see if we were done with our chores. they clean a bathroom the right way. We can sit on the couch most of the day and not feel bad.
My sisters work. I haven't seen them since I moved here. My mom has never seen my baby. I always imagined she would come and help clean my house- I always assumed that was the plan. Life hasn't really cooperated though. I never really thought about my husband's family in all my dreams about family. I didn't' imagine my mother in law helping me with my new baby. I thought my siblings would be having babies the same time I was. In my dreams I didn't know the people who would somehow always be pregnant the same time I was. At first I resented how they seemed to take away from my special moments- I'm not the first to have a child and everyone else is having a baby the same week. They didn't do things like my family did-like gossiping about each other constantly and talking on the phone for hours a week. They don't really care about presents. They aren't the people who were there for my first heartache.
My reality about family is different than what I imagined. I may not have parents that I can visit for Thanksgiving. Maybe someday I will though. Carlie's visit and Brooke's experiences recently have made me think a lot about the power of women. Women are family. Family helps you when you need help. Family talks to you about life.
I am grateful that Carlie is in my family too.

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Sunday Thoughts

Today John had the barfies so I went to church with Carlie under the pretense of playing the piano for nursery in John's place.
not so much.
I went visiting teaching today.
Seriously why do I visit teach only people who have cats? Why do you not vacuum when you have cats?
Speaking of People with Cats, Carlie is visiting me. When I say visiting I mean she is cleaning and cooking and I have been taking naps and exercising all week. Pretty much she is saving my royal bottom. (call it royal in regards to it's girth.)

I've decided to start building the perfect mom in my mind. This fantasizing can be part of my Sunday thoughts. I am going to ask people to write about things like guest bloggers. So I stole some thoughts from an email from Carlie and am publishing them without authorization.

THE PERFECT MOM USES CLOTH DIAPERS:

You asked about my cloth diapering system. I love my diapers. They are a specific type of cloth diapers called pocket diapers. This is the brand: http://www.bumgenius.com/one-size.php. ....They'll fit him until he is 35 lbs because they have snaps that change the size of the diaper. Pocket diapers comprise of an outer diaper shell that serves as the way to fasten the diaper to the baby with velcro (no pins!) and as plastic pants. The pocket diapers have a nice flannel layer that touches the bum that keeps the baby dry. Then, there is a pocket where you insert super absorbent micro fleece panels that soak up the pee. I also use flannel baby wipes and a homemade mixture of water, baby oil, and baby soap to wipe up messes with. These are awesome because one wipe will usually do the trick for one big poo, and you get it all in one swoop.

When I take off a diaper, I always disassemble the diaper right then. So, I take out the soil insert and fold that with any baby wipes into the outer shell and store them in my diaper pail. I just picked out a dry pail from babies r us. Every other day or sometimes every day, I do a load of diapers. First, I do a cold wash with 1/4 the manufacturer recommended detergent, and then I do a hot wash with 1/4 the recommended detergent. I always do an extra rinse. Right now with the breast milk poo, I just put everything straight into washing machine. So, I don't rinse the diaper in toilet water. When Elijah starts on solids, I'll invest in a diaper sprayer and experiment with disposable diaper liners. And, I might have to consider stink control more with the diaper pail, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

I had a bit of a learning curve with the diapers. At first, he had a bit of a diaper rash which really frustrated me because I was so proud of my non-chemical diapers. You have to be careful using diaper creams with the diapers because it affects how absorbency of the diaper, but I used some reusable diaper liners and fought off the rash just fine. I realized the problem was my detergent. You have to use detergent that is free of everything like enzymes, dyes, etc. I finally found some at the local organic store. Ever since I switched detergents, I haven't had a problem with the rash. Also, occasionally, the diapers get saturated with leftover ammonia or detergent, so you occasionally have to strip the diapers. I do it by soaking the diapers in bleach or oxyclean for half an hour, and then washing as usual.

The other problem I kept encountering was leaky pee...which sometimes can be caused by oversaturated diapers that need stripping, but it was also how I was putting the diaper one. I have to make sure everything is folded down and lined up, and then they are amazingly spill free. I feel we've had relatively few leaky poo diapers, so they do happen but even the biggest poos are well contained.

I found this Q/A section helpful when i had confusions about my diapers:
http://www.cottonbabies.com/clothdiapers.php#environmentalimpactofdiapers
I think the hardest part is getting the laundry done, but I decided that I never have to fold the diapers and my drying rack is always up in my nursery, so I dump the inserts straight into the drawer from the dryer, and I often take the outsides straight from the drying rack. This probably seems lazy and occasionally I will fold the diapers for special occasions. So, even on my worst days, I've managed to stay on top of the diapers. I do have a box of disposable around for outings and when I am stripping all the diapers, but we need them only rarely.

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