Mother's Day

I really liked mother's day today- even though I had a little bit of a cold. I got to go to church and Danielle was really cuddly today. John got me a really cool ear piece and made me crepes for breakfast- so yummy! Also I have a great photo of Danielle to put on my wall. here is what I ate for dinner- yummy homemade fettuccine alfredo with shrimp. The parsley was from our container garden which made me feel great. I love that if I need basil or parsley or other herbs I can go out to my garden to get them.
Mother's day is such a strange thing for me. I still don't feel like I should be doing anything other than visiting my mother to celebrate. We go to to church and everyone talks about mother's and I guess I just still don't feel like a mom. I sent my mom a present which was exciting, but I didn't get to see my mom. I miss her and it seems like I didn't really get to do something special for her this year. In church the YW SOLD flowers to the ward as a fundraiser. John wasn't there when they were selling them and I was not very happy that they were selling the flowers. What happens if someone can't afford it. I told John not to worry- I think that's more for grandmas and I remember my mom saying she didn't like feeling like mother's day was a competition- who has the biggest flowers? Who got the biggest present? I like presents but I am really happy that we are trying not to worry or compare with people. I still loved Kathryn's idea that you get a day off on mother's day, and I got to take a glorious nap today after John made me lunch. I guess that is the motherhood difference- The greatest gift in the world is sleep.

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Babysitters, Motherhood, and Guilt

Well as I think about being a mom more and more I realize that I am not an ideal mother. This realization comes to me almost on a daily basis as I realize I forgot extra diapers or milk. My mother heart consists mainly of someone who wants to wake John up even if he hasn't slept in days just so I can get an extra 45 minutes of sleep and maybe avoid cleaning the house. These things happen.
As I was reading comments from my last post I realized that maybe I had the wrong special share. First off not all special shares are about bodily functions- they are just things that you really shouldn't necessarily share. Like talking about home a lot while you are on your mission or talking about birth gore and bodily functions any time.
Pregnancy itself is paired with many special shares, and Cousin Ben's wife pointed out that is would be nice to limit others to two special shares a day when you are pregnant. Just because I look like a truck does not mean that I am a spectacle- maybe. When you are pregnant it is like everyone in the world who has ever met someone who is pregnant feels like they should tell you about it. There is lot of advice out there about babies. I remember being at a fabric store and having a delightful woman ask me if I was carrying twins. I said no and she lowered her head so she could look at me without her glasses and said "you are awfully big." There are no words for this woman as she was actually accurate in her assessment. Could I have gotten her fired for this comment? My desire to get her fired over her statement she so easily moved on from warred with the fear that other's would think I was a crazy pregnant lady- and a big one at that. This woman had a special share, and these continue as Danielle is growing.
One time I was carrying Danielle into a store and some woman walked by me. She was probably about 8 million years old and had one of those curled wigs that was slightly crooked and nice trifocals. She was also probably about 4 feet tall with a salmon jacket, vest, pants and shirt. This getup was paired with signature cream Rockport shoes. This lovely human asked me where my babies sweater was. for some reason this time I wanted to lose it. It was about 75 degrees outside and Danielle had lost her shoes by throwing them on the floor in a store while I wasn't paying attention and who thinks that babies need to wear sweaters in hot weather anymore? This helped me realize something-no matter how I dress my baby or myself, some people will be upset. In this case I felt vindicated since this woman was clearly a little bit crazy and obviously entering that darling world of senility. Obviously her opinion was not necessarily valid. Except my baby was covered in the teether biscuit I gave her in the car seat so she wouldn't scream at me. The other day Jana told me that Danielle would give me hell when she was two and I wanted to hug her for it. This is hard. Sometimes I want a break.
John and I wanted to go out a few days ago and thought it would be a good idea to get a babysitter. The paid young kind rather than friends, because then I don't have guilt about if we should get them something. I always want my friends to ask me to babysit first so they can set the precedent. Anyway when we got home three hours past the time Danielle normally goes to sleep Danielle was standing in an armchair soaked with milk and crying. The chair was also covered in milk. Danielle was so cold and some of the milk was starting to dry on her soaked outfit. John took the babysitter home and I changed, washed and fed our child, who promptly went to sleep, then tried to save the Ethan Allen chair that I love so much from a whole bottle of milk. The babysitter told us that Danielle got mad when she tried to stop her from dumping the bottle. Of course she got mad you idiot. How can you even respond to someone leaving your child covered in milk they have dumped all over themselves and the ground and your most expensive piece of furniture while they are clearly on myspace. I think putting it in my blog is the answer. So we will never use that babysitter again. The whole incident reminds me of why I decided to stay home- I just have a hard time trusting other people to care about my child as much as I do. It turns out you also can't take it for granted that others will care for the basic needs of your child. At least not this babysitter. On the other hand the other day we had friends watch Danielle and when we went to pick her up they had washed her. They probably took better care of Danielle than I would. Either way finding a good babysitter really is a hard thing to do. Where is Uncle Jeremy when we need him.

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Special Shares

Every now and then I try to think of different things I can write about in my blog. Since the post about my breast pump was probably my favorite one and not many people seem to read or comment on my blog I am realizing that maybe I am not gifted at blogging. I guess I just don't always have a blog worthy life. Or maybe I am just not looking at this the right way. Claire told me my blog was boring since it was just about stuff I wanted to buy. I guess making a celebration of my consumerism isn't exactly blog worthy, but I still think shopping and talking about what I would buy if I could buy lots of stuff if pretty darn fun. This all brings us to what could be a great format for a blog- maybe my blog- SPECIAL SHARES.
While I was in Germany on my mission my first companion was Sister Mathews. She was a cheerleader from Utah and she was super hard working a focused. Maybe a little intensely focused for me, because I still wasn't used to being a missionary and I didn't really know who I was or what I wanted from life. What I am saying is that I wanted to talk about non "missionary" things including boys or home life. It seems like the most random things come to mind to say when you are compelled to be with someone for 24 hours a day 7 days a week. At the very beginning of our companionship Sister Mathews introduced me to the concept of a "Special Share." This term applies to lots of things you can talk about- like a birthing story when no one has asked or something about your health. One day the Mission President's wife told us about how she had really bad diarrhea the whole time she was at training at the MTC. That was a special share. It probably counted as two since it was at a zone conference in her testimony. Sister Mathews limited me to two special shares a day.
Today I visited my friend Allison and we walked from her house to ALDI, a local supermaket. I thought it was going to be close but it actually was about a fourty minute walk each way. I didn't feel like I had to go to the gym after that. An interesting thing happened though today while I was hanging out with Allison. Her sister had a baby and Allison asked me my birthing story. Immediately, I thought of the special share.
A birthing story really is a special share, and since I am limited to two a day I think I should put two birthing special shares on my blog. Because I can.

1. At some point as Danielle was getting pulled out with forceps and they were cutting the cord and me with a big pair of scissors- somewhere in the gore of birth I ended up with a substantial amount of blood on my face. Maybe I got flicked in the face with the cord blood I was meaning to donate for research. I am still not quite sure of how I got it, but I just remember it and also my intense desire to finally drink juice.
2. I had an incredibly difficult time adjusting back to using the bathroom after having a baby.

Now the second special share is obviously more special than the first, but from it we learn a lot about what a special share should be- a little bit too personal but not necessarily so graphic that people know what is going on. I still have some shame, after all. Well those are my special shares of the day. And in honor of the special share I am including a photo of the game of Twilight Imperium John and I are playing all alone. It is taking up the whole dinner table which means either we need a bigger table or we need to finally finish the game. I miss all the old game partners! Thanks for participating in my special share.

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Money Mondays

Money Mondays this week involves decorating the front bathroom and I am not quite sure what I want but I think I should allow myself some money for it. I found some things on Etsy that are nice but not exactly what I want. Bundart did this piece with a modern birch tree. bsartstudio has a really nice painting that might look great in the bathroom that you can see in the picture with the couch. Flandersfield has some of my favorite stuff on etsy and they have great green prints but I keep finding myself drawn to the pink prints. maybe that would work in Danielle's room.
A shades of Green Mark Rothko might actually be the ideal print but I haven't found one yet that is with white and green and maybe a little yellow.
Flandersfield has a great bunch of green prints and four of them would look great in a grouping. I would like to have several plant pictures but there are already a grouping of green frames with Danielle in it. So for Money Mondays I want a painting that is green and white and that's it for the bathroom. I want it to be an outline of a plant or a shape. Maybe if I find another type of fabric and mount it or frame it in a white frame I could use it. We have such a great color in the bathroom but it makes matching the wall harder. Every time I go in there I think about what I could put in the bathroom.
I added a bunch of green prints that I like to my etsy favorites and I am open to ideas for what I could put on the walls in the bathroom. I guess this has been a decorating week but that is what I like to spend money on lately.
Total Cost (Budget) $400.00

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Help me decorate the guest room

I am so happy with the Amy Butler Quilt I made and it lives in our guest room. Only now I am going to paint the guest room and decorate the walls. I need help with ideas. Philadelphia magazine had a cute set of them from ozwalled. I like the golden yellow color.

Etsy also has some ideas including the cute oneupdesigns wall graphic that I think might look good. I can't decide exactly what type of decal I would want- I am leaning toward three different options- some of them are called brocade and that style is probably my favorite. But there are other good styles- the floral pink on the right is great and I think it would look good in white. yellow paint with a white decal might be fun without being too obtrusive and obnoxious. the swirly pattern also looks good but I am not sure how it would look with the quilt. So now I need everyone's help- do I do it in white or teal and should I stick with a yellow paint color? I am open to ideas.
I decided to include a picture of some of the Amy Butler Fabrics that I have in my quilts- I was thinking it might be fun to try to get someone to make me a decal that matches the quilt exactly but that might be more expensive and I don't know if the designs are perfect. I am open to other options and maybe a monogram which would be cool. Maybe a little tacky though in the guest room. Tacky and wonderful . Seriously though please tell me what you think. Maybe I should forgo the decals all together or get a cute scripture.

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