Babysitters, Motherhood, and Guilt

Well as I think about being a mom more and more I realize that I am not an ideal mother. This realization comes to me almost on a daily basis as I realize I forgot extra diapers or milk. My mother heart consists mainly of someone who wants to wake John up even if he hasn't slept in days just so I can get an extra 45 minutes of sleep and maybe avoid cleaning the house. These things happen.
As I was reading comments from my last post I realized that maybe I had the wrong special share. First off not all special shares are about bodily functions- they are just things that you really shouldn't necessarily share. Like talking about home a lot while you are on your mission or talking about birth gore and bodily functions any time.
Pregnancy itself is paired with many special shares, and Cousin Ben's wife pointed out that is would be nice to limit others to two special shares a day when you are pregnant. Just because I look like a truck does not mean that I am a spectacle- maybe. When you are pregnant it is like everyone in the world who has ever met someone who is pregnant feels like they should tell you about it. There is lot of advice out there about babies. I remember being at a fabric store and having a delightful woman ask me if I was carrying twins. I said no and she lowered her head so she could look at me without her glasses and said "you are awfully big." There are no words for this woman as she was actually accurate in her assessment. Could I have gotten her fired for this comment? My desire to get her fired over her statement she so easily moved on from warred with the fear that other's would think I was a crazy pregnant lady- and a big one at that. This woman had a special share, and these continue as Danielle is growing.
One time I was carrying Danielle into a store and some woman walked by me. She was probably about 8 million years old and had one of those curled wigs that was slightly crooked and nice trifocals. She was also probably about 4 feet tall with a salmon jacket, vest, pants and shirt. This getup was paired with signature cream Rockport shoes. This lovely human asked me where my babies sweater was. for some reason this time I wanted to lose it. It was about 75 degrees outside and Danielle had lost her shoes by throwing them on the floor in a store while I wasn't paying attention and who thinks that babies need to wear sweaters in hot weather anymore? This helped me realize something-no matter how I dress my baby or myself, some people will be upset. In this case I felt vindicated since this woman was clearly a little bit crazy and obviously entering that darling world of senility. Obviously her opinion was not necessarily valid. Except my baby was covered in the teether biscuit I gave her in the car seat so she wouldn't scream at me. The other day Jana told me that Danielle would give me hell when she was two and I wanted to hug her for it. This is hard. Sometimes I want a break.
John and I wanted to go out a few days ago and thought it would be a good idea to get a babysitter. The paid young kind rather than friends, because then I don't have guilt about if we should get them something. I always want my friends to ask me to babysit first so they can set the precedent. Anyway when we got home three hours past the time Danielle normally goes to sleep Danielle was standing in an armchair soaked with milk and crying. The chair was also covered in milk. Danielle was so cold and some of the milk was starting to dry on her soaked outfit. John took the babysitter home and I changed, washed and fed our child, who promptly went to sleep, then tried to save the Ethan Allen chair that I love so much from a whole bottle of milk. The babysitter told us that Danielle got mad when she tried to stop her from dumping the bottle. Of course she got mad you idiot. How can you even respond to someone leaving your child covered in milk they have dumped all over themselves and the ground and your most expensive piece of furniture while they are clearly on myspace. I think putting it in my blog is the answer. So we will never use that babysitter again. The whole incident reminds me of why I decided to stay home- I just have a hard time trusting other people to care about my child as much as I do. It turns out you also can't take it for granted that others will care for the basic needs of your child. At least not this babysitter. On the other hand the other day we had friends watch Danielle and when we went to pick her up they had washed her. They probably took better care of Danielle than I would. Either way finding a good babysitter really is a hard thing to do. Where is Uncle Jeremy when we need him.