Parenting Wisdom: A Therapy Course with Janae

I am always offering people the John and Janae therapy program where we help troubled couples. Our therapy is based on a basic premise that feelings are bad. Once you both recognize them you can commiserate together and try to get rid of all those pesky bad ones.

Now we are also offering the John and Janae parenting therapy program. It is worth giving up precious sleep for- and money of course.

Here is a little sampling of things we like to talk about.
1. People tell you never to sleep in your bed with your baby. The le Leche League promotes co-sleeping. In reality so little sleeping actually occurs that it really doesn't matter where you are. your baby won't sleep in their crib or your bed, so get over it.
2. Some people think that supplementing with a bottle is the right answer so you can get sleep. These people have clearly never been lactating and felt the wrath of engorgement. I recently read a book called The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers that claims that engorgement doesn't really happen. Pretty much everything you hear about breastfeeding and other types of feeding is a lie. And everyone you talk to is probably more than a little crazy and delusional from lack of sleep.
3. No matter how hard your baby is, your sister's baby is/was/will be harder. This can be both a blessing and a curse, depending on how you look at it.
4. Any time you add another person in your family you will add stress. You only have so much time in the day- so try to figure out how you will get the most sleep out of it.
5. I read in one of these books that your baby won't care about if you shower. That is disgusting- you should care about if you shower.
6. One of the best things that ever happened to motherhood? Epidurals. Second best? Antidepressants.
7. Buying things to make you feel better only lasts as long as your credit limit-or your generous friends.
8. Once you have kids you realize that pets are never like children. It's annoying when people talk about pets like children. We can complain about these horrendous people in therapy. No dog ever took over a year to learn how to walk.
9. When people comment on how cute and quiet your baby is just stop talking to them and walk away. Don't try to correct them or start crying- it's embarassing.
10. Nicely dressed children are always seen as better than other children. Even an alien headed baby looks cute in Burberry. People who tell you it doesn't matter what children wear? their children are probably dirty- and you probably think they are ill behaved. There is really nothing wrong with a well dressed baby. Suck it up and get the baby a fancy dress people.

the cost is 50 dollars a session, which can be booked over the phone.
It will blow your mind forever.